One of the headlines this week: Singer Nina Persson from “Cardigans”; has had sex with girls, in a drunken state… Yes, I see how that is vital knowledge for the readers of one of Norway’s biggest newspapers. I mean could information BE more imperative to share!?! The rest of her statements just give you an embarrassed taste in your mouth... Who cares that she dragged girls home after a wet night on town, only to wake up the next day and ask herself what the hell had happened!? I loathe such stunts. Does she think this makes her cool!?! Oooh, look at me, I had sex with girls whom I didn’t know... Puke! And she has the nerve to even say this; well, I don’t really look at myself as lesbian... No!?! Really?! Lesbian after having gay sex when pissed out of your knickers you say. You should be so lucky! I just really hate celebrity stunts like this. Does she need attention?! I think it feeds to the prejudice against gays that says that you can choose it. That you basically can walk into gay’ism one day and walk right out of it the next. Or that it is something we do to be “in”. In what world are they living in, to seemingly think that being gay is in and cool!!? The world around us tells a very different story mind you. Prejudice, murder, hangings, hatred, battering, spitting, or just being left out at school or work... I am inclined to agree with “Lizzy in “Pride and Prejudice” – the series – when she states: “the more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense” . So there! *lol* sorry, but stuff like this really gets to me!!
Soon one month since my last entry; and I who had gotten into a better habit of writing more frequently and all. Ah well, you can’t have it all. I’ve been busy with studying and other stuff. Plus I haven’t had the urge to write, and when I don’t feel the urge from inside, the stuff I write turns out more than crappy. Hey, it turns crappy even when I do have the urge, so trust me! Hehe...
And now it’s December. Oh how I love it. The lights lit everywhere, and the atmosphere shows signs of good things to come. I simply love Christmas, and I can’t wait for it! I adore how my flat, and also my parents’ house are decorated. It is all so cosy. I haven’t done all the decorating yet, as I’ve been busy, but I thought I’d out some out tomorrow. I do have to study some first though. Yuk and double yuk. And, oh oh, I nearly forgot; I got a B on my home exam. I was so glad I cried when I saw the result on student web. Fuck, I was nearly pissing my knickers in fright when logging in, and then this beautiful letter B radiated towards me. I swear, it couldn’t have felt better. The average was C, but there were quite a few who got D and E too. One failed. Two got an A. It definitely isn’t easy to get an A in Norway. Not like in USA. I have a feeling every second student are straight A students there. How it can be like that, I’ve always wondered...
Lately I have felt more of my acting urges inside of me. This is a side of me I rarely speak of, as it is a sore spot. A very horribly sore spot actually, that is what it is. I just feel it in my veins, in my soul, in all my being, it screams acting. And I have tried to oppress that feeling since I was 19, only letting surface from time to time, to taste it a little bit. I do stuff to console myself about this subject, of which I have no intention of telling you about. I’ll say that it keeps me sane, (ish) *lol* and it makes my life and my stupid earlier choices in life easier to bare with. It might sound like it is something dirty and nasty that I do, but fear not, it involves only me and talking. So no harm done. I have told Laura this, and she and I can talk about our dreams, and never felt judged or ego. I love you for that Laura. You are a diamond! Another reason for not talking so much about it; I have a feeling that most of my friends find me utterly stupid and perhaps arrogant and conceited for thinking I could have been a great actress. But, I still do think that that is the only thing I could ever truly have been great at, that and sports when I was younger needless to say. We have this “law” here in Norway, and Denmark, called “Janteloven”, which is written by Aksel Sandemose a Danish writer. Unfortunately this still distinguishes our society in some ways, although it is luckily fading little by little. This is what it says:
English Norsk
You shall not believe that you are somebody.
Du skal ikke tro at du er noe.
You shall not believe that you are as worthy as us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er like mye verd som oss.
You shall not believe that you are any wiser than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er klokere enn oss.
You shall not imagine that you are any better than us.
Du skal ikke innbille deg at du er bedre enn oss.
You shall not believe that you know anything more than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du vet mer enn oss.
You shall not believe that you are more than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er mer enn oss.
You shall not believe that you are good at anything.
Du skal ikke tro at du duger til noe.
You shall not laugh at us.
Du skal ikke le av oss.
You shall not believe that anyone cares about you!
Du skal ikke tro at noen bryr seg om deg!
You shall not believe that you can teach us anything!
Du skal ikke tro at du kan lære oss noe
With wisdom like this, no wonder so many dare not stand out and deviate even a smidge form the masses. I know for a fact that the prejudice followed by this thinking, was the main reason for me not daring to try to pursue acting in UK or USA. Like to go to acting school and so on... Needless to say, I loathe this, and wish I had given Janteloven and the people I “feared” the finger, and gone to live how I wanted. But, of course, that is knowing what I know now… Yeah, there are a lot of things I wish I could have told my younger self. Too many to count. But it is all bygones now, and there’s no use in crying over spilt milk, (although I do that sometimes…) so I must look forward to what life will have in stall for me. There are many roads to go down, and let’s hope I will go down the roads that lead to the life I mostly want. In the meantime, I shall live life and try to make the most of it.
Lordy, I've rambled on.... Must go to bed now, more study tomorrow.
EV :-)
