sad post

This won’t be a long entry. But I thought that since it is almost three weeks since my last entry, it was in its place to write again.

I am very sad at the moment. My grandfather has cancer again, and this time it is a very aggressive form, in/around his gallbladder. His name is Trygve Bernhard, but people only use Trygve. I visited them last Monday, and when I saw him again today, almost a week later, it was like seeing two different persons. He had lost a lot of weight, and I felt his bones as I went to hug him to tell him I love him. He whispered back, love you too… It was terrible to see him so weak. He could hardly hold his cup of coffee. I could feel the knot in my throat grow and grow, but I stayed strong, for mam. When I went to the loo my tears started to run, but I managed to dry them off. I can’t start that crying engine, it will never stop. I am so close to my granda, and though he is old, I want him to be around much longer. I know we have to be happy for all the years he has been here… He is 87, and he hasn’t been sick a lot, and he hasn’t had much pain, his age considered. Granda said to my mum the other day; “well, we’re all going to lie in green fields and be happy, aren’t we?”… He has his faith, and this comforts me. I know he will get his peace, and I know he will look after me. I don’t mean to sound cynical, but in one way I hope he dies quickly, because he hates being so dependant, and then he won't be in so much pain. He hates the fact that his body reverses to almost infantry, and he can’t do anything to stop it…

There’s absolutely no dignity in his state right now, and you can see that it bothers him SOOO much! My mum agrees. His mind being clear and all. He has even driven a car 
up until now. God bless my granda. Love him! At times like this, I really feel that I am alone. Like living alone, having no one special in my life. I miss it, always, but especially now. But I am not going to make this about me… What about granma. She is going to lose her husband. Ah, I can’t think of it. I hate cancer, did I mention that!?!

Gosh, I’ve cried so much right now that my eyes are swollen to a state formerly unknown… I can hardly see truth be spoken. I am going to work tomorrow, but I just feel like going to granda and hold him all day. I can’t though. I am not tired, and there’s too much going on in my mind to be able to sleep right now. I guess one episode of CSI, season one will do the trick. I haven’t seen the first 7 seasons, as I never liked CSI before. So I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Other than that, life is numb. Nothing more to say. I miss laughing. Like uncontrollably laughing, so that I almost piss my knickers out…

EV

My voice message

Yup! My voicemessage to you. So sorry for my horrible sounding voice.
It sounds all fake for some reason. Can't explain it.
And my English is not the best either. I don't know what happened. 
I think I got all nervous recording.

MY MESSAGE IS HERE

I will be back with a proper post, sooooon...

HUGS!!

Music and more

Ah, how lovely! The sun is out today. The other day was the first time I had seen it in weeks, literally. If not for months. It might have shone through the clouds on a seldom occasion, but blue sky and a sun that one can see, have been rare the last 4 months. One long dreary rainy windy season! Autumn, that’s what we’ve had. Yuk. I am sick of it. One could become dark by less.

Yesterday I had a youtube kick. Watched a lot of clips, amongst them some of a musical called “Which Witch” by two Norwegian women called Benedicte Adrian and Ingrid Bjørnov. I absolutely LOVE it. I might have mentioned it before, but that is just how much I like it. It is a mix of rock and opera. Fabulous. I will give you a link to one of the songs that I found. It is not the best of them, but as I only found three I think this is the best of them. The song is called “Malleus Maleficarum”. (which is the Latin name for “ The Hammer of Witches”, which is a book that contains medieval treatises on witches and the persecution on them. It was written in 1486.) But first, here is a short plot synopsis of the musical:


Maria Vittoria, foster-daughter of an influential Roman family, has fallen in love with her German tutor, Daniel, recently made a bishop of the Catholic Church. Maria's foster-father wants to marry her off to a German merchant banker, but the headstrong Maria has other plans.

After causing a scandal at the Vatican the lovers are obliged to leave Rome. Daniel takes Maria back to his family home in Heidelberg where she meets Anna Regina, his possessive elder sister. The illicit love affair conflicts with Anna's ambitions for her brother's career, and when Daniel openly declares his commitment to Maria, Anna has to take action. Daniel mysteriously falls ill on the following day and remains in a deep sleep.

Anna Regina then accuses Maria of having cast a spell on Daniel. The townspeople turn on Maria and she is imprisoned for witchcraft… Oooh pray, what will happen!?

Now for the song: Malleus Maleficarum

This is from the show in London; Maria in the stocks


These two women started early playing around with this genre. They released a record/cd called "Rock VS Opera in 1985 that this song is from. 

Oh, I found one other clip now. Yay. This is a very early version of one of my favourite songs from the musical. Probably from early 90s. Looks like a video of it, as it isn’t form the musical itself; Eternally

Gee, I have to say that I am quite a wreck these days. So tired I feel I have no energy to do anything. Nor have I any imagination or creativity to write anything of interest to anyone. I sat on the train home yesterday, and tried to feel something. The only thing I felt was emptiness. Bare and numb, and my inside is still.

There is however a “nerdy guy” at work that is kinda cute. He is an economic counsellor for people who have problems with deep depths and stuff. He both looks and is your typical bachelor, and he wears vests/waistcoats.*giggle* Well, I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about him. Plus he is tall and slender and has a cute arse. *lol* I would never fall for him, but it is good to have a nice arse to look at when he walks down the corridors.

I must say sorry to all my blog friends for my complete and utter, and not to mention shameful absence on your blogs lately. I am so so sorry! I do read you, but like I said before; I am empty. Next Thursday I will get my Easter holiday, and I will be off for almost two weeks. I hope to rekindle my inner self then… I still love you, ok!

Hugs and stuff from me :-)

Hip behaving badly

Yeah right. *lol* Didn’t I say I was going to write before next weekend in my lat post? Well, as you all can see I didn’t… Sorry. It’s been a busy week. Like on Thursday I wasn’t home before at 8 o’clock pm. Left home at 07.15 am… 13 hours away. I was really tired. Tuesday I had visitors; Eva and her hubby Erling. So nice to see them. Eva is having an operation in her back coming Monday. Please keep her in your prayers. She has a prolapse that is tricky and practically killing her. Due to the location of the prolapse, they can’t guarantee that she’ll get all better. But let’s hope so!

As it said in the headline; my hip is behaving badly. Indeed-e-o… I just had to take a pill for the pain. So severe right now I can hardly sit still. I’ve had grave pains for many weeks now. It is so frustrating sometimes, to know that there is nothing to do about it. I have to live with it always like. The ache goes from my arse, and my hip area, and all the way down to my ankles. Sorry, I won’t whine any more about it.

Meanwhile, I am currently wondering whether most people in the surrounding areas got their drivers licenses in the post. There is an insane amount of bad driving out there. Like every time I’m out on the roads I am appalled by the way some people behave in the traffic. I think the lack
of consideration, politeness and some respect is revolting. I think ht the concept of “other people” means nothing. Not to mention the horrible cutting, speeding and overtaking… Yikes. I am surprised that more people aren’t killed around here, I really am.

I am in love with the county (Rogaland) in which I live in. I think it is a county full of breathtaking nature, and there is so much weather, so to speak. In addition, we have fjords and mountains, plus the flatness where I live, with open sea and sandy beaches. We can go from scenery like this…




... to this in quite short time. I think the diversity is fantastic!




I am off to watch some TV and eat ice cream 

Hugs EV :-)