Christmas

I want to wish you all Happy Christmas! To those who celebrate on the eve of the 24th, like I do, and to thoise who celebrate on the 25th! I hope the Holidays will be a fantastic time, full of joy and carefree days together with those who matter.  Enjoy your presents and great food! So this is what I say: God Jul, Glædelig Jul, Feliz Navidad, Buen Natale, Fröhliche Weihnachten, Joyeux Noël,  Nodlaig mhaith chugnat, С Рождеством,  Feliz Natal! 

Lots of love, hugs and hope from EV :-) 

Ramble

One of the headlines this week: Singer Nina Persson from “Cardigans”; has had sex with girls, in a drunken state… Yes, I see how that is vital knowledge for the readers of one of Norway’s biggest newspapers. I mean could information BE more imperative to share!?! The rest of her statements just give you an embarrassed taste in your mouth... Who cares that she dragged girls home after a wet night on town, only to wake up the next day and ask herself what the hell had happened!? I loathe such stunts. Does she think this makes her cool!?! Oooh, look at me, I had sex with girls whom I didn’t know... Puke! And she has the nerve to even say this; well, I don’t really look at myself as lesbian... No!?! Really?! Lesbian after having gay sex when pissed out of your knickers you say. You should be so lucky! I just really hate celebrity stunts like this. Does she need attention?! I think it feeds to the prejudice against gays that says that you can choose it. That you basically can walk into gay’ism one day and walk right out of it the next. Or that it is something we do to be “in”. In what world are they living in, to seemingly think that being gay is in and cool!!? The world around us tells a very different story mind you. Prejudice, murder, hangings, hatred, battering, spitting, or just being left out at school or work... I am inclined to agree with “Lizzy in “Pride and Prejudice” – the series – when she states: “the more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense” . So there! *lol* sorry, but stuff like this really gets to me!!

Soon one month since my last entry; and I who had gotten into a better habit of writing more frequently and all. Ah well, you can’t have it all. I’ve been busy with studying and other stuff. Plus I haven’t had the urge to write, and when I don’t feel the urge from inside, the stuff I write turns out more than crappy. Hey, it turns crappy even when I do have the urge, so trust me! Hehe...

And now it’s December. Oh how I love it. The lights lit everywhere, and the atmosphere shows signs of good things to come. I simply love Christmas, and I can’t wait for it! I adore how my flat, and also my parents’ house are decorated. It is all so cosy. I haven’t done all the decorating yet, as I’ve been busy, but I thought I’d out some out tomorrow. I do have to study some first though. Yuk and double yuk. And, oh oh, I nearly forgot; I got a B on my home exam. I was so glad I cried when I saw the result on student web. Fuck, I was nearly pissing my knickers in fright when logging in, and then this beautiful letter B radiated towards me. I swear, it couldn’t have felt better. The average was C, but there were quite a few who got D and E too. One failed. Two got an A. It definitely isn’t easy to get an A in Norway. Not like in USA. I have a feeling every second student are straight A students there. How it can be like that, I’ve always wondered...

Lately I have felt more of my acting urges inside of me. This is a side of me I rarely speak of, as it is a sore spot. A very horribly sore spot actually, that is what it is. I just feel it in my veins, in my soul, in all my being, it screams acting. And I have tried to oppress that feeling since I was 19, only letting surface from time to time, to taste it a little bit. I do stuff to console myself about this subject, of which I have no intention of telling you about. I’ll say that it keeps me sane, (ish) *lol* and it makes my life and my stupid earlier choices in life easier to bare with. It might sound like it is something dirty and nasty that I do, but fear not, it involves only me and talking. So no harm done. I have told Laura this, and she and I can talk about our dreams, and never felt judged or ego. I love you for that Laura. You are a diamond! Another reason for not talking so much about it; I have a feeling that most of my friends find me utterly stupid and perhaps arrogant and conceited for thinking I could have been a great actress. But, I still do think that that is the only thing I could ever truly have been great at, that and sports when I was younger needless to say. We have this “law” here in Norway, and Denmark, called “Janteloven”, which is written by Aksel Sandemose a Danish writer. Unfortunately this still distinguishes our society in some ways, although it is luckily fading little by little. This is what it says:

English Norsk

You shall not believe that you are somebody.
Du skal ikke tro at du er noe.

You shall not believe that you are as worthy as us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er like mye verd som oss.

You shall not believe that you are any wiser than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er klokere enn oss.

You shall not imagine that you are any better than us.
Du skal ikke innbille deg at du er bedre enn oss.

You shall not believe that you know anything more than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du vet mer enn oss.

You shall not believe that you are more than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er mer enn oss.

You shall not believe that you are good at anything.
Du skal ikke tro at du duger til noe.

You shall not laugh at us.
Du skal ikke le av oss.

You shall not believe that anyone cares about you!
Du skal ikke tro at noen bryr seg om deg!

You shall not believe that you can teach us anything!
Du skal ikke tro at du kan lære oss noe

With wisdom like this, no wonder so many dare not stand out and deviate even a smidge form the masses. I know for a fact that the prejudice followed by this thinking, was the main reason for me not daring to try to pursue acting in UK or USA. Like to go to acting school and so on... Needless to say, I loathe this, and wish I had given Janteloven and the people I “feared” the finger, and gone to live how I wanted. But, of course, that is knowing what I know now… Yeah, there are a lot of things I wish I could have told my younger self. Too many to count. But it is all bygones now, and there’s no use in crying over spilt milk, (although I do that sometimes…) so I must look forward to what life will have in stall for me. There are many roads to go down, and let’s hope I will go down the roads that lead to the life I mostly want. In the meantime, I shall live life and try to make the most of it.

Lordy, I've rambled on.... Must go to bed now, more study tomorrow.

EV :-)

War thoughts

I remember many years ago I watched a film about how the world, and especially Europe, would have looked like, had the Nazis won the war. It was a scary sight, but also a very interesting and eye-opening film to watch. I would really like to see it again, as I think it is important with such films. To show the world how horrible our everyday life could be; how mad, “perfected” (into their standards that is!), how brainwashed and how unreal society would be. Not to mention hateful, militaristic, totalitarian frightful, cold and with no room for failure, opinions, or diversity. It was a horror scenario of what could have been… If anyone knows what the film is called, please give me a buzz…

What got me into thinking about this film was a documentary I bought a while ago, but only saw last night. It is a documentary, with both real and fictional footage from the D-Day on June 6th 1944. Such a massive invasion! Seeing it and seeing men who had been there and smelled death and fear tell you their story, oh it made me cry. And it made me so appreciative as well. I thought to myself; what would the world be like had the allies not won this war… And that is how I thought about that “what could have been” film…

I think this is a horrible picture to see; Nazis raising their flag in MY country. Oh, it gives me the chills.

And here you can see all the flags with the swastika on it. This is at the University on Karl Johan's street, in Oslo. Gives me the creeps to see this, and it feels horrible to see that our capitol was heavily decorated with this. I actually feel like I am watching a film or some staged photo, that is how unreal it is to me. But, sadly it was the truth back then. Apparently they were celebrating some sort of thanksgiving.

I know that Norway, as a country, didn’t suffer as much damage or killings as most other countries, but it was terrible for those that lived it nevertheless. We were under occupation, we weren't free. But, even here, there was a NS party, lead by Vidkun Quisling. He tried to do a coup d'état on the day of the German invasion- He had to withdraw after german pressure, but was made Minister-President after being appointed by the German authorities. He was killed after the war, for high treason. We also had both a boy and a girl “hird”. So yes, there were Nazi sympathizer here too, but luckily not many. The resistance and sabotage was great too during the war.

In the area in which I live the Germans built a lot of things. In Sirevåg (10 minutes from me)they dug holes in the skerries alongside the coast, and built watch towers, bunkers, and all such things. Then, to try to hide them form allied air forces, they tried to disguise them as “part of the skerries” by moulding the cement to look like skerries. These bunkers are still here, and you can walk in them and all. Really cool to be in them! Look:

In addition the Germans forced Norwegians to build, what we call here; The Hitler teeth, which is at Brusand, 5 minutes from me. They’re big sharpish stones put on land to prevent any possible allied tanks driving in form the North Sea. These are pictures I took a few weeks ago; as you can see, they’re still here too. (Though sinking and being swallowed by nature... ) And they stretch over kilometres... Story tells that the locals putting the stones up did it as slowly as they could, and with as much soft sand under them as they could, without being suspected for sabotage.

Enough history stuff, I am off!

See you!

L.O.V.E

Love… love… Tasting the word. What does it really mean? I think it means different things for different people. I mean like how you understand it, what you make of it. What does the word L O V E hold for you?! There are many types of love, and I think that to be mostly content, you need some of all the different types. Love from friends, peers, colleagues, parents, siblings, community, school/work, family, that one special person and also some sort of spiritual love as well. And perhaps to top it off; the intimate and sexual form of love too. Some people are lucky to be covered with love from all these, while some are not. Some live hermit lives where the only love they have is the sexual kind they get from the odd hooker. While some live typically A4 perfect lives, with kids, parents, pets, husbands and wives, where love seems to flow like cheap champagne on New Year’s Eve. Then there’s me, and all the other singles out there. Who graciously pretends that the love from family, peers, from friends, pets, from solo sex until batteries wear out, and hands get cramped, or from the occasional fuck-and-run after a wet night out, are enough. This doesn’t mean that I am not insanely glad that I have family and friends, one pet, and my own two hands and a fantasy to please myself, but, and this is a big but; it just isn’t enough. My life is deficient in romantic love. I miss it so much it kills me to look at romantic films, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Does it make me a bad person to admit that the love I am surrouned by isn't enough? I miss the whole concept of love between two people who are committed to each other. I just love being in love, and being in a relationship. Solitude is only great in small portions. Then comes the question; am I ready to put myself out there, to find myself a man/woman? Am I emotionally ready? Sadly the answer is a resounding no! Not by far. I can’t even begin to explain how little I am ready, and that makes me very upset. I want to be ready! I kinda feel ready inside, but then I stop myself because I know that I couldn’t have anyone touch me the way I look. It would feel revolting to me. It just would.

I sound bitter, but I am not. I am writing this with a small smile on my lips, because I do know that there is hope. I do believe that I will find someone who is ideal for me, with both flaws and perfections. With whom I am going to bicker with, over the dishes, economy, toilet seats, computer usage, etc etc… And honestly; I can’t wait to have a good old-fashioned passionate fight. I am a hot-blooded person, and I can get really mad, fast, but then the storm lasts for around 5 minutes, and all is forgotten. I don’t dwell.

Sometimes I think there is one type of love that many people, if not most, forget about in the rush that is our lives. It is the kind that comes second, third or even forth in the line; it is the real profound, and grand love for yourself. How many of us haven’t found ourself thinking; as long as everyone around me is happy, I am happy. I don’t think that that is the whole truth, not if we dare to listen to the voice within… I think it is extremely important to also love and care about oneself. That way we love others better too…

Saturday ramble… I wrote it just as a note-to-self really, but then I thought; hey why not post it in here… so I did… *lol*

I finished my home exam two hours before deadline, and sent it by mail yesterday. Let us hope I’ll pass… One month till next exam. Phew!

And just to clearify, I LOVE my friends so much, and I I wouldn't be who I am without them!

EV ;-)

Stolen form Martha-Anne

I think: that I need to get a grip and study harder

I know: there are many different species of disgusting spiders in the world

I want: to make out with someone (like for instance Chris Garver from "Miami Ink". *drool*)

I have: a lot of things, and probably many I don’t need

I dislike: stress at Uni

I miss: a “lost friend”, Ciara, Cathal, Celbridge, Laura, being thin, Bob, friends who don't live here

I fear: drowning

I love: Blech, what’s the point of it anyway!?

I feel: bloated, fat, distressed and sad

I hear: An Italian song Laura sent me, the rain and terrible wind against the window

I smell: “crispers” crisps

I crave: sweets and sex

I cry: a lot, as I am easily touched and affected by things I hear and see

I usually: tend to make “easy dinners”

I search: the net a lot for information and bargains

I wonder: if I ever will finish my spiritual journey

I regret: not kissing Bob when I gave him his goodbye present

I wish: I was better at being who I want to be, and that I knew a medium/clairvoyant or similar

I care: for my friends, Shira and my family

I always: drink too much Tab X-tra

I worry: I am not the worrying type, but I do worry about exams and results

I am not: in good shape at all!

I remember: better days, my teenage years were FAB!

I believe: in God, paranormal phenomena and spirituality

I sing: every day

I don't always: watch the news

I argue: with myself

I write: a lot (of crap)

I win: when I get good marks at Uni, and when I kick ass at “Worms”

I lose: my eating battle every day

I listen: to music a lot

I can usually be found: at home

I need: friends and family, and sex, yes I do, but I am not having any... *sulking*

I forget: not a lot actually. I remember too much!

I am off to get my parents form their holiday. Well, I am picking them up a the airport. A 45 minute drive, in a MADLY strong wind and lashing hard rain. Love it! Not! It isn't very nice to drive when you can feel how the car is being "pushed off the road" by the wind. But I am looking forward to seeing my parents. I miss them when I don't see them for two weeks, I do.

See you! New exam next Friday. Yikes. Let's hope it'll go well.

Miaow

CONGRATULATIONS to LAURA who graduated on October 1st with honours. Full pot, 110 out of 110. So so proud of you my dear!


Then CONGRATULATIONS to Helene and Halvor who had their first baby, Peder, on October 6th!

Hello!

My angsty exam went quite well after all. I got a C, which was a lot more than I expected. I had literally not read one single line about subject number two. I kinda took a chance, and gambled that we wouldn’t get organization theory, but we did! So, to get a C then is something I am very happy with.

My mum and dad are in Spain, and so while they are there I borrow their dvd/vcr recorder. I am going to copy my 20 years old videos onto DVD, as the poor old videos are quite worn. Especially the one with a Samantha Fox show from 1987 on it, as that has been watched approx. one billion times. She had a Christmas special on Super Channel that year. And as her biggest fan, I recorded it. I remember I was totally obsessed with her. I mean, like almost to the point of craziness. Every fucking day when I came home from school, I’d put the videos of her on, and sit and sing along, plus also mimicking her every facial expression. (Obsessed much!?!?) I am appalled to tell you that when watching it yesterday, I still knew every move her face makes in the video with her song “true devotion”. Oh my! I must admit though, that I still see what I saw in her back then. She was really beautiful and charming actually. One thing that is weirder than me liking her is the mere fact that I didn’t understand I was a bit queer. I can’t comprehend that on any level, looking back... The picture of her below, is one that I had as a gigantic poster. Remember I thought she was so sexy here, in that outfit. I was a dirty little 14 year old, wasn't I!?! *LOL*

I had every wall in my huge room plastered with posters of her, some even topless ones. What heterosexual girl would want that, and find her soooo sexy!? Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what an idiot I was. I still have the posters, and the four scrap books I made in her honour. Those books have comments made by me that read; oh look how hot she is, sexy girl…, beautiful, moan she is hot… *LOL* Save me form such ignorance and “oh-look-at-me-I am-so-bi –that-it-hurts-and-I-have-no-idea-who-I-am -yet”. I actually dreamt about kissing her. How could I think that that was normal? Maybe I didn’t!? I didn’t tell that to my friends, so perhaps I felt that it was odd, deep inside. Here is the “True devotion video” I know by heart. It is a sad and beautiful song!

I was out walking yesterday (hold the front page, call CNN, BBC news and Reuters, for she has once again moved) and I took some beautiful pictures form the forest, or so I thought. Turned out I had been messing with my mobile camera, and set it to take the crappiest pictures ever. Like really bad quality, and so m y pictures didn’t turn out so nice. I was irate when I found out. The lighting was spectacular through the trees, and I so wanted to capture that. Today the weather has been lashing rain, so dull light as well. No point in taking pictures either.

I want to share some old pictures today. I must have been a mental head in my teens. Every second picture of me has me sticking my tongue out or making a face. Weird girl.









And I also want to share a picture of me and two of my friends; Agnete and Helene. It is a nice one actually. We were in “Holmenkollen” in Oslo, awaiting a “which Witch” concert to start. I have never forgotten the shoes I am wearing here. The most comfortable pair ever, and so cool too. I wish I still had them. From left; Agnete, me and Helene (who just had a baby).


Other than that, I am quite well. Stomach is acting out, and I have a virus in my eyes. I guess that is the two most exciting things that have happened in my life. Weee!! But, that's ok. I hope this post finds you all well, my dear blogger friends!

Love EV :-)

Yeah it is me

Oh Lordy, for some odd reason I searched for Cadbury sweets online. I wanted to see if I could buy Cadburys there, and guess what I COULD! I nearly choked with happiness. Not only did I find Cadbury’s crème egg (excuse me while I jump up and down in joy all whilst drooling like a fucking eejit) but I also found “turkish delight” (YUMMMMMMMY!!) and toffee bonbons covered in icing. These all remind me of living in Ireland you see, so this is quite a happy occasion for me... I placed an order for Turkish delight, as the crème eggs weren’t in. I can’t wait to stick my teeth into a rose “turkish delight”. It is sooo good, and darn impossible to find here. Ever since I saw “the lion the witch and the wardrobe”, for the first time, and watching Edmund eating the delights he got from the wicked witch, I have dreamt about trying it. And then when I lived in Ireland, Brendan, my “dad” there, bought some for me after being away on bird watching. I ate them in an almost holy state of mind... Yes, I am a bit strange...

Jaysis, yesterday the new government budget was presented. I am appalled at many things, but some were ok too. In Norway we have a custom toll rule that says we can’t import anything, except books, that is valued to more than £ 18.50 / 32.60 $, without having to pay 24 % tax and some other costs as well. I think this is a load of shite! And extremely vexing!!! When I order online, from say amazon.co.uk, I always have to make sure my orders don’t exceed that amount, or I will have to pay hefty for it! And I order online a lot! Now the government, who promised to raise this level of import toll on all merchandise if they were voted into government, have decided that one line of garment will become duty free. Guess what; knickers! Oh my, excuse me while I party to that decision... Is that supposed to make up for their lack of promise keeping!?! Duty free underwear me arse! Bollix to them! In addition, the price on soft drinks like coca cola is increased with a whopping 61 %. I mean, is that even legal!? Did I say I LOATHE a lot of the things this particular government has done... And by that not implying that I hate the parties “on call”. I intend not to be political in here, as I have my face on this blog, so that is all I want to say. Or actually, let’s mention one more thing; please God let Barack Obama become the next president of the USA! I will not embroider on what I think about the other one... Gives me the chills that one, as does the wise president. (Even more) There, I’ve expressed a tiny bit of political standpoint.

Exam of the 26th of September went kinda ok, or so I hope. The part about law went fine, but the second part not so much. I just hope and pray I won’t fail. Even an E will make me smile this time, and I am not joking you! (for those who don’t know, is the last grade on which you pass) I think by next Friday the result will be in, as it takes a while to correct 60 something students’ papers, as we write about 15-20 A4 pages each. Cross fingers!

My friend Helene and her husband Halvor got a little baby boy, Peder, on October 6th. Congratulations to them!!! So happy for you guys! Can’t wait to meet him.

I have to vent one thing... It has had me worried lately. It is my mum’s health. To tell a short story; my mum was born without both hip sockets, and with a limp. As an infant she got both new sockets put in, without any sort anaesthesia and was in plaster up to under her arms for most of her first 3 years. In addition she hardly ever saw her parents during that time. She has been maltreated by the health services a lot, and when she finally was heard in 1991 the orthopaedist was appalled when he saw her x-rays, and said; “you shouldn’t be able to walk, damn woman!” instead of resting/using her hips sockets to keep herself up, she had used her pelvic bone and other nearby bones... They were all almost worn down. Lately her health has become worse and worse, yet she keeps on trucking. Mum never gives up, despite having lived all her life with A LOT of pain. She is amazing, and the most selfless person ever and I love and admire her more than anyone. Then this week she suddenly got a horrible pain in her foot, on top of all other pain, and could hardly move. And of course that happens when they are supposed to go to Spain for two weeks on Saturday. She deserves two weeks of holiday and relaxation. Growing up I got used to her illness and disability, and I didn’t always notice it. She had better periods too, and she doesn’t really have a limp any more. But lately it’s become such a sorrow for me. It is like it is finally sinking in. I’ve always known, and wished there was something I could do... but yesterday I just cried for ages and ages, I screamed to God to give her some peace (pain free days like...) and I just felt so incredibly helpless, and SO IRATE! There is nothing I can do, except help her practically. But then my back is bad, and so it isn’t easy for me either. Oh it bloody sucks! After my surgery next year hopefully I will lose weight and be able to help her out more. Hasn’t she had enough by now?

EV

Oooh exciting post

In the absence of something better to say I turn to this; a questionnaire Nina had on her MySpace. I hope perhaps I will be able to write something tomorrow. I can say that I am really freaked out and stressed, so much so that it actually paralyses me. Exam is scaring the bejaysus out of me! Energy come to me!

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
Yes, most people. I am always myself, but perhaps my ex Inger Marie stands out as she knows me in ways that no one else does…


When you think about your last kiss, how does it make you feel?
Sad(ish), as it was with my ex, and it was a tearful and sore moment/kiss as we kinda knew that “this was it”.

Who was the last person to call you?
Rønnaug

What's irritating you right now?
Oh, do we have space for me to make a list!? But my exam is probably THE most irritating.

What is your nickname? I have none, but when I was small ma called me Mossi.

Is this year the best year of your life?
No I think only 2007 stands out as a worse year than this.

Have you given up on anyone?
Yes one “friend”.

Your ex is driving next to you, what do you do?
Either nothing, if it doesn’t feel right to wave, or wave… My last ex, Inger Marie is in the same class as me at Uni, we sometimes sit together so…

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Every time I hear that people have tortured kittens and other animals.

Where’s the person you miss most, and who is it?
He lives in Sandnes and he is the most spectacular creature ever!

Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl? Yeah probably, but I mean things like that have made us what we are today, so.

Do you have a best friend?
Several

Do you talk to the person you fell the hardest for?
No, I haven’t spoken to him since 2006.

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
No

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot?
Yes, I sincerely like someone now

Have you ever written anything on a bathroom wall or door?
Yes, once in a nightclub called Mc Grath's in O’Connell Street in Dublin

Who was the last person you held hands with?
Inger Marie I guess

Ever kissed any of your friends on facebook/Myspace?
Yes

Are you happy with the relationship status you're in right now?
Nah!

Does the last person you held hands with mean anything to you?
Yes, she is someone whom I will always love and care for.

Do you regret dating anyone you dated?
Yes

Could you go a day without eating?
I did live solely on “milkshakes” for 6 weeks in 1996. (Cambridge diet)

Who was the last person in your bedroom?
Won’t say…

Were you happy when you woke up today?
No

What do you currently hear?
Abba with “Andante andante”

Ever talked to someone that was drunk?
Yeah, like a gazillion times. Not really fond of it though, if the person is totally wasted that is. And if I am drunk I talk a lot to myself too

Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
Fast asleep in my bed having sweet dreams!

Any plans for tonight?
Studying and watching “Will and Grace” on DVD

Ever turned a girl/boy down you shouldn't have?
No

What's the background on your cell phone?
It is a painting by Gustav Klimt

What do you want in your life right now?
Bob, healthy mind, self-love, great brain, energy and strength

How late did you stay up last night and why?
Can’t remember, but it wasn’t late, because I needed to get up at a reasonable hour to study

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a T?
Yes, a Tommy and a Torbjørn, can’t remember any more at the moment.

What's your hair look like today?
Normal

What did you do today?
Went shopping for baby clothes for Grete, my friend who had a baby girl a month ago, then went to her to say hi, as she is home visiting her parents. (she lives quite far away) then I have studied, visited my parents, had Karin for a visit, and driven Rønnaug to a party.

What does your last text message say and who's it from?
Will you come over, or do you want me to come? From Grete

Are you interested in a certain person right now?
Yes

What are you wearing?
Nothing, I always sit nude in front of the computer. It is a hobby I have.
No, kidding, obviously, I wear a green t-shirt, black pants, black bra etc.

I left my brain in a street in Hampshire

One of my favourite places in Dublin; Ha' Penny bridge... 

I am stressed. Not that there is anything new about that. I mean, that is SO 2006! Right now I feel I was born stressed. I am sure as came out 34 years ago (Eeeek!) I was all sweating, heart palpitating, nervous looks, and unable to sleep for days… needless to say, the word is exam. On September 26th, which means it is around two weeks from now. The subjects are so so hard, and I am really finding it hard to learn it. As I was reading today I could read a sentence like 5 times, and still it would make no sense. I am seriously beginning to question my own IQ at this moment. The book I am reading now is called:”The democratic laboratory”… Oooh, the title just screams excitement! I can tell you this though; I’d rather eat my own fried eyeballs than having to read this shite one more time. That is how painful it is. The authors have written in the beginning of it: We hope with this book to be able to inspire students… To do what? Cry? Leap through a window? Tear off ones hair? Commit suicide?
I have to nag about one more thing; almost every word of the damn thing is a foreign word, and I would have to look almost all of them up in a thesaurus to be able to comprehend even the slightest thing. Big words come to me!! I am fucking desperate! The worst thing is that they write it like these are words everybody should know, well newsflash; we don’t! Right now I wish I had chosen the more mathematical career, like engineer. I did think about it, but thought that since I was as old as I was, I would be better off getting an education that can be used in many ways and fields… Hear hear, the stupidity! 


So, that was today’s little vent. Or was it big? Yeah, I think I would land on that. I am actually going out tonight. Going to Karin to meet up with two other girls we went to High school with. I hope for a nice evening. In fact, I am going to be there at 19.30, so I better start getting ready soon. Have to put some make-up on, which means mascara… Hehe, I am not exactly a make-up crazed woman. I do wear eye shadow sometimes, I do, but not on a daily basis. Usually it is just mascara. 

Well, I think I might have to go. I didn’t realize the time when I started writing. 

Please pray that my brain suddenly becomes brilliant!
 
Me, left, and one of the girls coming tonight; Hildegunn. We were "Russ", which is what we can become after 12 years of school in Norway, like after High School. It can probably be compared to graduation in USA. 

EV :-) 

Ooops, there she blogs again...

Yeah, can you imagine! Gosh!! 

I have felt it in my fingers the last days… the restlessness, the longing, the urge to speak… My fingers wanted to run over the keyboard again. Jumping lightly form letter to letter, expressing themselves, so after making sure it wasn’t just a phase, I sat down in front of the computer today, to do what I haven’t done in almost two months; write a post for my soon 3 years running blog. 

Hey! How are you all!? Hope you are all fine and dandy! Some of you beloved fellow bloggers have had contact privately with me too; Leila, Laura, Moxie, Martha-Anne, Nina, Nora, Lynne, well you know who you are, and you are all people I treasure! Thanks for being in my life, and for being there for me. 

I have actually managed to turn 34 since I last wrote. That happened on August 2nd. Had no big celebration, didn't feel like it.

Then, I am ready to do some writing.I just read the newspaper and I was seriously gob smacked and thrilled to read about Bishop Tutu’s address to the Anglican Church. He thought they were obsessed with homosexuality and sexuality, and that that shifted their focus away from the real problems of this world. Sexuality is irrelevant and there are more important things to worry about; like fighting poverty. He was ashamed by his fellow Christians who’d rather discuss homosexuality than discussing the 30 000 people dying every day from hunger! Also he thought that these Christians go against the teachings of Jesus Christ in their treating of gays, as they did what he called “persecuting those that already are persecuted”. Such a good and true sentence! Kick those already lying down… Finally someone who matters has spoken the words I’ve been saying and thinking for a good while! I am overjoyed! And it served them judgemental ones right!!! 

We do get a lot of American TV-shows in Norway. One thing stands out, after watching a lot of different shows over the years, and that is the "fact" that ALL American girls apparently dream of getting married from a very young age. They picture their man, the cake, the dress, the bridesmaids, how many guests, etc etc. and then when the day comes they get insane if things don’t go perfectly… Like one fecking day is more important than the marriage itself. What is this!?! I do not get it, not on any level. I think I never ever thought about those things, let alone what bloody cake I would have. Who cares, as long as it doesn’t taste crap, and looks like something your neighbour threw up… I know that this doesn’t account for all American women, but I swear; jaysis I’ve seen a lot of mad, in my opinion, women on TV. I remember seeing some couples who had saved tons of money for buying a house after they got married. But instead they used it all, hundreds of thousands of dollars, on the wedding. They spent it all on one measly day. What about the investments in the marriage itself? Do they really think that if the wedding is great, that that somehow automatically makes the rest of their relationship perfect as well!? Who are these people? I wonder if this is a typical American type of thing. What do you say fellow bloggers, is this the case in your respective countries as well!? I know it isn’t around here. One of my friends got married, and their wedding wasn’t expensive, (well, as inexpensive as a gathering of quite a few people can be), nevertheless it was without a doubt the best party/wedding I have ever attended! I enjoyed myself immensely. So it isn’t all about the money, it is about being able to put your own heart and soul into it, daring to be yourself, so that people can feel that when they arrive… I’d say it’s just like decorating your own house. If you do it just by looking at pictures in trendy magazines, you haven’t decorated according to your own soul and personality, and that will show… it will be felt too. It will feel colder, more uninviting, and unloved. If you rather look at what is modern, but still use yourself, and family if you have one, in the process, I think you will end up with a modern, inviting, personal and cosy home. My home is inspired by outwardly factors, to a certain extent, but mostly by what I feel inside when I picture and think about what I want to express and sensel in the different rooms. The result, I think, is a great place to spend time, where friends and family can feel at home. (I hope you don't think I am saying this to boast and be cocky, as it is not what I am trying to convey...) Some people even tell me this, every time they walk into my flat. That makes me happy. I want people to feel welcome in my home. And my point to this was that it is possible to achieve something fantastic and loved, without spending an entire fortune. My flat is made up by non-expensive furniture and decorations, so... 

It feels good to write a little bit again, just had to say. I can’t promise posts several times a week like before though, as I have a horribly busy autumn ahead of me, with three big exams! First one on the 26th of this month. 

I won’t elaborate on my insane lack of lust for writing. Let us just say it’s been a hard eight months, with work practice, Bob, weird people, eating, sobbing, no exercise, and self-hatred. I am not completely where I want to be yet, and I think it will be some time before that happens. I am however on my way to more positive thoughts and ways of living. I won’t tolerate complaining, as I have no fecking thing to complain about. Jaysis, I am lucky! I was awoken actually, from watching an episode of “extreme makeover, home edition”. Well, it doesn’t matter what the means are, as long as the awakening happens. 

I will leave you now, play some Worms, and then do some studying… 

I am back! Yay! *giggle* 

EV ;-)

After a while, she comes back

It’s me again, the author of this crappy shite that my blog has become. 20 days since my last post, and I ask where the heck did these days disappear? Frankly, it feels like I’ve been in a coma, that’s how fast time has flown. No wonder. I mean, it is the summer holiday, and of course time would fly when you are able to relax, lower your shoulders and exhale after 6 months of pure pressure… Good news is; I passed both my work practise and my work practise assignment. My assignment was very very good apparently, and I am proud of that. As I have always been quite bad at writing in that particular academic way.

What have I done since last? Main thing is that I have started to organize my spare bedroom, which I use as a PC room. There’s been this huge ugly wardrobe in there, which felt like it was taken up the whole bloody room. I have torn it apart. Some pieces I could screw apart, some I had to break off, and in half, and wrestle like a man. Made me sweat like crazy as it was 30 degrees the day I chose to do that. I have planned it all out, and the process will require; paint, a chair, book shelves, rearranging furniture, a retro mural done by me, and not to mention a good deal of enthusiasm and dedication on my part. Especially since my back and hip have being insanely bad lately. Baaaad body parts indeed-e-o… I have also painted my outside doors, like the front and balcony ones. That should have been done last summer, hmmm, procrastination in a big way!

In my dream world there are also lots of things going on. Have you ever heard of programs such as “this is your life”...? Well I’ll take mine the subconscious way thank you. Over the last two weeks I have dreamt about A LOT of the people that have been in my life, for both good and bad. From pupils in primary school, to my ex-boss in Oslo, (who in reality was Satan himself!) they have come in heaps in my dreams, like on an assembly line all lined up to remind me of things. Last night however, was devoted to only one person; Bob. I don’t welcome dreams about him. It is too damn sore. Especially the kind of dream I had last night. I woke up all teared up, cause darn it, it was only a dream. As are all good things in my life, or so it seems. Yeees, negative and blasted darkness calling me!

But, I am trying to look at the brighter side of life, and hoping for a turn for the better.

Now on the other hand, I am off to watch some TV., Ghost whisperer. Perhaps I can get some tips on how to deal with my own ghost, eh!`! *lol*

EV

A wee talk about sex and orgasms

First: thank you so much for this award, Yudith Perez from Venezuela. 

She can be found here. 

Then, I actually want to talk a little about sex and orgasms. It’s been way long since I last talked about sex on my blog. It could be due to the fact that I am not having any sex. Though, that particular fact doesn’t stop me from thinking about sex relentlessly. I am not nymphomaniac though; if that’s what you think. *lol* I guess if I were, I’d be having a lot more sex than I am! Friends and acquaintances always say; yeah but you are always ready for some, you are easily turned on, you look at erotic/porn movies etc etc, so you are a bit different. But, am I really? Or is the fact rather that I am just unafraid of the subject? That I am honest to the core, totally unprejudiced, free and uninhibited when it comes to sex? That regarding consensual sex, masturbation and fantasies I judge no one, including myself? I am neither scared of admitting that I think about sex a lot, nor the fact that I have solo sex insanely often. What is a single girl to do when her whole “area” is all warm, tingly and burning, and her whole body screams s e x!?! Masturbation is my friend! Why, there are two reasons:

1. Because I don’t wish to have sex without love. That is just me, but I don’t mean that that is right for everyone else. Hey, I know it isn’t! *lol* I think sex without love would make me sad… Like I wrote in my diary one day: I seriously and urgently need someone to bestow my physical love to, someone special. Not someone I picked up at the car wash… Yup! Problem is; I am not ready for anyone yet, except Bob. (Oh God, I nearly wrote his real name there!) Guess I have to deal with a couple of things first. So Soloville and One Armed Bandit City is undoubtedly where I am staying, until a love comes into my life… 

2. Because of orgasms! What a fantastic gift that is! The world’s best stress reliever for sure. If I am sad, mad, irate, depressed, lonely, happy, horny, excited, giggly, sexy or fabulous, an orgasm or two or three is one of my favourite things! It makes me happy, it makes me calm, and if I can’t sleep I will just have a couple of orgasms, and then fall to sleep immediately. 

So, the question remains; am I different than a lot of women, or am I just more brutally honest? Frankly; from talking to people I know, and the gathering of various “evidence” over the years, I have come to the conclusion that I probably am just a little bit more wanton than your average woman. With this I am not suggesting that no one is like me, or that I am the horniest woman on the face of the earth. I am just stating what my unique life-experience has taught me.

I found some slang for female masturbation, and some of them are really funny, and literal! 

A Night in With the Girls
Airing the Orchid 
Auditioning the Finger Puppets
Cunt Cuddling 
Engaging in Safe Sex 
Erasing the Problem 
Feeding your Slot 
Finger-painting 
Fucking Without Complications 
Get To Know Yourself 
Having Sex With Someone you Love
Pampering the Pussy 
Play the Clitar 


There’s something soooo enticing and hugely erotic with wet people like this…I couldn’t find one cool picture of a wet man like this, sorry. 

I am gonna go and get me some.............................................................. sleep 

MOXIE!

Attention! Are you not getting my e-mails, or is something wrong!? I hope you aren't mad at me or anything... You said you had to go private and that we had to send you an e-mail to stay with you. And I did, I wrote you an e-mail to all your addresses... I SO want to access your blog, but I can't. I miss you and your blog dear.

EV :-)

Shivers down my spine for sure

Ok, not much I am going to say today, but I just really needed to share this video with you. It is
an acoustic version of a song by Anouk, called Lost. It is sung by a 16-year old boy named Erlend,  at a talk show on Norwegian TV. Erlend won the "Norway's got talent" competition in May. He sang this song in the final too, but I think this acoustic version is just amazing... His voice makes me cry, and the clarity of his voice is just, well guess what, I am out of words...

Erlend Bratland singing "Lost"

Other than that I am melting as the weather is hot and humid. I hate humidity! Makes me sticky. I haven't had any bugs in ears in the last days, but it still feels like I have one tickling me. I can't seem to shift that icky feeling... 

I'll be back Friday with more. I am off then so...

Lovey dovey EV :-)

The most horrible thing...

... happened on the way to forum... No, It happened in my bed. I woke up cause something tickled in my ear. Only to discover that the tickle wasn't just a tickle... Ooooh noooo... It was a bloody buggery insect. I thought it was a tiny fly. It scratched and poked around in there, making a hell of a noise. I went quite hysterical and calm at the same time. Tried to remove it by tilting my head to the right and shake it a little. Nothing happened. More stracthing and poking, and PAIN! My God it was painful! I could basically feel the bastard scratching at my ear-drum... HEEELP! You wouldn't believe the noise. And that feeling of discomfort, helplessness, hysteria and fright! It felt like it was inside my brain or something. It just wouldn't stop!! I went into my bathroom and tried there for a while. I was freaking out by this stage. Fluid actually came out too... I shook my head insanely hard, to the right, and after 15 minutes the thing finally came out, looking like this: 



As you can see; clearly not a tiny fly. This insect was much bigger than that! Double dip yuk! Can you believe this was in my ear not wanting to come out. When it finally plunged into my sink I cried, and I cried and I cried. I couldn't stop... It had scared me, a lot. I had heard true stories about insects causing damage like this. You know through crawling into ones ears. I couldn't go back to bed, so I turned my computer on, and here I am. It is almost 6 am now.  My ear still tickles a lot, probably casue I still "think" there's something in there, plus it is
still a little painful... 

Guess who's going back to bed with earplugs now? I probably have to blame Shira. The insect undoubtedly came with her. I must seriuously consider banning her from my bed during summer. Argh, I wihs my ex never permitted cats in the bed. But when I try to ban Shira, you can actually see that the cat gets depressed... Her whole being tells. 

All disgusted out EV 

Oh no, there she goes again, mistaking me for someone who gives a damn!

Another week gone by. I won’t mention, again, just how fast I think time flies. *lol* Ups, just did! And I will certainly NOT mention that it is close to two fecking years since I said goodbye to Bob. Holy macaroni! Am I bordering on pathetic in that department, or have I already crossed over ages ago? Let’s not answer that question. Let us just leave it hanging there, like a bad plant. Though in my heart and soul, I know the answer…I always seem to conclude with; love can never be pathetic. Oh the ponderings! I most definitely will shut my hole now.

I’ve been at Hege’s tonight. We had a good laugh. Earlier today Rønnaug and her baby girl Karen visited. Lovely to see them both. Rønnaug and I ate something that we call raisin bread, which is totally yummy, and talked a whole lot. I hadn’t realized just how much I had missed her when I didn’t see her for a few weeks. Rønnaug and I used to hang out for hours and hours when teenagers. She and I were the type of “pair” that could hang, and never tire of each other. She is also the girl I went to Ireland with the first year. It never becomes the same after one has kids and that whole package… It makes you a bit melancholic somehow. To know that things never ever will be how they used to, with friends like… I miss that, I really do. And that undoubtedly doesn’t mean that I am not happy for my friends and the lives they’ve been able to create for themselves.

Tomorrow is Norway’s National day; 17th of May. My only plan is to eat “komle” at my mum’s. I can’t wait. “Komle” is one of my absolute favourites of the Norwegian dishes. It is a marvel that those grey sticky lumps can be so un-fucking-believably gooood. Meanwhile; talking about food. My brother has been going on and on about some Thai food in Stavanger, and about one dish in particular. One day he came home with some take-away from there. It was noodles, beef, some vegetables, and topped with crunched peanuts. When I first stuck my teeth in that it was like my taste buds exploded. The tastes were indescribable and flavoursome. It was the best food I had ever eaten. I almost wanted to cry, that’s how good it was. I’ve dreamt about it since then, and I must have it again! Maybe I should send Bob a message and ask him on a Thai date. *lol* Yeah right like he would go!

I am sorry, I know the Bob thing is in fashion again on my blog. I can’t help it. For some reason I’ve thought an awful lot about him over the past weeks. He’s so incredibly handsome *sighing*

Enough! I have a bloody assignment to write as well. When is that going to happen? It needs to be very soon. Must write! Must write!

My eye

How weird to see my eye that up close from the side... But it actually turned out to be a cool picture, I think.

Here I am, yet another Sunday morning where I wasn't able to have a lie-in. I SO hoped to sleep until at least 10-11, but nooooo.... I woke up at the unholy hour; 8, with a blasted headache.  Please, give me a break. I am so tired, and I need to sleep for days, or so it feels like. 

We have summer temperatures here now, and yesterday was no exception. I had been out shopping some when I got a text message from Agnete. She asked would I come over and sunbathe with her, and so I did. It was insanely roasting on that veranda and garden! It was great to see Agnete! She is home visiting, since it's a Bank Holiday weekend. We had a good talk about loads of stuff. In the evening the two of us plus Møyfrid, another friend from our "gang", went to Janne. They had wine, we all had a fantastic warm salad that I hardly could stop eating, ice cream and fresh strawberries + more.  It was the sort of evening I sorely needed. I went home feeling happy and giddy. I love those girls!

Work practise is going better all the time. I had my first client all alone on Wednesday. I got a new case that I alone am responsible for you see. The first meeting went quite well. I know I could probaly have cut the meeting shorter, but the woman needed someone to talk to, so I let it go...

I am sorry, but I have nothing to write about. I am severly uninspired lately, and even though I think about stuff that annoy me, make me happy, excite me etc etc, I can't find it in me to sit down and write anything about it. How sad is that. I am extremely embarrassed by the way this blog has evolved. I think it is a tragedy. Where's the spunk? I want to, again, write things I can laugh at, be proud of, and be touched and affected by. Argh! Now it is like the biggest boring blog ever!! Somebody spank me! ;-)

Oh yes, If you haven't watched the BBC series "Planet Earth", DO! I got tears in my eyes from some scenes. Amazing! They took 6 years to make it, and it shows. It takes you to places rarely seen by mankind, and it makes you fall totally in love with this planet of ours. What a magnificent planet it is. 

I just want to say that I am very happy for all my blogfriends. I can't believe how great you are. Some day I hope to visit you all! I'd love that, for sure!!! 

It says Saturday on the heading, but that is because Iposted sometihng last night, and then edited now... So it is Sunday...

I'll go now, for some breakfast  EV :-)

BOB BOB BOB BOB...

Phew!

First of all:

CONGRATS to Rønnaug and her family on their beautiful girl, Karen, who was born on April 9th!!

CONGRATS to Moxie and her family on their gorgeous son; Casanova. He was born on April 11th!!

Bless them all!

Secondly:

Thanks guys for all your love and condolences regarding my granda. You are all enormously special to me, and I want to apologize for not being very active on your blogs lately. I hope you forgive me.

When I woke up this morning I said to myself; today you have two tasks. They are to clean this place and to write a blog entry. It’s been two weeks since my last one. So now I am sitting in front of my beloved (read computer) thinking of a beloved (read Bob), all whilst listening to Bargain, by The Who. Of course I chose to write first. I postpone the dreary stuff for later… But this time I actually look forward to the result; a sparkly and freshly smelling flat.

Two weeks since my granda died. The funeral was beautiful. We sat in the front row in church. When my tears started running, and I sniffled, I suddenly felt a hand in mine, it was my brother’s. He squeezed it, and we held hands all through the service. He is a gem! When the priest read my granda’s favourite psalm; oh boy did I cry! I nearly choked.  The first week after the funeral was absolute torture, and I spent it in Crycity and Numbville. I am back now though, and I am glad I spent a lot of time with family.

This last week has been brutally stressing at work practise. Yikes! And oh my God, 
I can’t believe that I only have 6 weeks left there. Time flies so fast right now that it isn’t funny anymore. It is going grand. I see a lot of terrible and heart breaking things. But I also see a lot of good work; people who care about the kids, and who tries to help these seemingly lost families.

Spring is here for real now. Last week we had beeeeutiful weather. The trees are starting to bloom, and I see green leaves when I look out my window. It is the most magnificent time of year, if you ask me. There’s life! At the same time spring also makes me feel a bit melancholic for some reason. Like I am remembered of all the things I should be, should do, should manage etc etc, and yet I am not. It is actually a bit sad… plus I still miss Bob. When is this going to end!? Luckily the pain isn’t as severe as it used to be, but the love, yes the love is still there. The deepest love I’ve ever felt for another human being. But I won’t “bore” you with more Bob stuff… Sometimes I just have to write a little bit about it all. Especially after a day like yesterday, where he was on my mind constantly.

But now I need some breakfast… And after that, I desperately need to organize this dump. *lol* it isn’t that bad, seriously, but nevertheless…

LOVE :-) 

In loving memory

Of my dear granda Trygve Bernhard who passed away quietly in their living room 
at 07.00 this morning.  He was 87.

I love you granda, and I know you are in a much better place right now. You will be greatly missed though, with all your wise words, quotes, history and knowledge. I am so thankful for the last 6 years, as you and I grew very very close... I could talk to you about anything. We could even discuss what kind of asses we liked best on women; we agreed on a good sized one! *lol* 

I know you loved and respected me for all that I am, and for 
that I am forever grateful. It was mutual... 

Take care on your new journey, and I'll see you when it's my time. 

A lot of love, and hugs 

EV - your grand daughter.  

Hmmm...

Take the Quiz here!

I'd love that, because then Mr Darcy would be my man. Yum!

And the on to a little survey that I stole from lovely and beautiful Martha's blog.

1. Cell phone: is with me at all times, and used like a gazillion times a day!
2. Relationship: Yes, I am in a totally HOT one with CSI at the mo…
3. My hair: just cut it, shortish and blonde
4. Work: I go to work practise every day
5. My sibling: is someone I love dearly, and whom I am emotionally very close to
6. My favourite thing: my computer, could not live a day without it
7. My dream last night: Oh, *blushing*. It was a so-called wet dream (or is it called that for women too!?) about Bob.
8. Favourite drink: water and tab X-tra
9. Dream car: BMW, a black one that looks like a panther ready to attack
10. The room I’m in: my spare bedroom, which I use for painting/homework/computer
11. My shoes: black adidas with three white stripes
12. My fears: drowning, never finding love again
13. What do I want to be in 10 years: a hard working woman who loves her job and has a fantastic man/woman in her life.
14. Who did I hang out with this weekend: No one really, except family.
15. What I am not good at: going to bed early, eating right, keeping a tidy flat
16. Muffin: yum yum
17. One of my wish list items: oh boy that list is waaay long
18. Where I grew up: at Vigrestad a small place in the south-west, where I still reside.
19. Last thing I did: talked to dad on the phone for 25 minutes. He lives 200 metres away and calls me…
20. Wearing: black trousers, black bra, and a green t-shirt
21. Not wearing: knickers *coughing and blushing*
22. My pet: is a hairy bastard cute fluffy slutty loveable cuddly kitten
23. My computer: is something I bought the hardware/software for, and my brother and I 
then built it.
24. My life: life? I have no life.
25. My mood: silly, sexy and mad
26. Missing: being able to run like the wind down a green meadow
27. What I am thinking about right now: William Petersen YUM! No triple yum!
28. My car: is still waiting to be bought sometime in the future
29. My kitchen: is nice enough, and actually tidy
30. My weather: blue sky and sun, mild
31. Favourite colour: depends on the mood, but green and red stand out
32. Last time I laughed: really hard? That was during Easter from talking to Helene and Rønnaug
33. Last time I cried: Sunday, because of my granda
34. School: is a very good thing
35. Love: is essential. It is something that I need in my life, in some form or another

sad post

This won’t be a long entry. But I thought that since it is almost three weeks since my last entry, it was in its place to write again.

I am very sad at the moment. My grandfather has cancer again, and this time it is a very aggressive form, in/around his gallbladder. His name is Trygve Bernhard, but people only use Trygve. I visited them last Monday, and when I saw him again today, almost a week later, it was like seeing two different persons. He had lost a lot of weight, and I felt his bones as I went to hug him to tell him I love him. He whispered back, love you too… It was terrible to see him so weak. He could hardly hold his cup of coffee. I could feel the knot in my throat grow and grow, but I stayed strong, for mam. When I went to the loo my tears started to run, but I managed to dry them off. I can’t start that crying engine, it will never stop. I am so close to my granda, and though he is old, I want him to be around much longer. I know we have to be happy for all the years he has been here… He is 87, and he hasn’t been sick a lot, and he hasn’t had much pain, his age considered. Granda said to my mum the other day; “well, we’re all going to lie in green fields and be happy, aren’t we?”… He has his faith, and this comforts me. I know he will get his peace, and I know he will look after me. I don’t mean to sound cynical, but in one way I hope he dies quickly, because he hates being so dependant, and then he won't be in so much pain. He hates the fact that his body reverses to almost infantry, and he can’t do anything to stop it…

There’s absolutely no dignity in his state right now, and you can see that it bothers him SOOO much! My mum agrees. His mind being clear and all. He has even driven a car 
up until now. God bless my granda. Love him! At times like this, I really feel that I am alone. Like living alone, having no one special in my life. I miss it, always, but especially now. But I am not going to make this about me… What about granma. She is going to lose her husband. Ah, I can’t think of it. I hate cancer, did I mention that!?!

Gosh, I’ve cried so much right now that my eyes are swollen to a state formerly unknown… I can hardly see truth be spoken. I am going to work tomorrow, but I just feel like going to granda and hold him all day. I can’t though. I am not tired, and there’s too much going on in my mind to be able to sleep right now. I guess one episode of CSI, season one will do the trick. I haven’t seen the first 7 seasons, as I never liked CSI before. So I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Other than that, life is numb. Nothing more to say. I miss laughing. Like uncontrollably laughing, so that I almost piss my knickers out…

EV

My voice message

Yup! My voicemessage to you. So sorry for my horrible sounding voice.
It sounds all fake for some reason. Can't explain it.
And my English is not the best either. I don't know what happened. 
I think I got all nervous recording.

MY MESSAGE IS HERE

I will be back with a proper post, sooooon...

HUGS!!

Music and more

Ah, how lovely! The sun is out today. The other day was the first time I had seen it in weeks, literally. If not for months. It might have shone through the clouds on a seldom occasion, but blue sky and a sun that one can see, have been rare the last 4 months. One long dreary rainy windy season! Autumn, that’s what we’ve had. Yuk. I am sick of it. One could become dark by less.

Yesterday I had a youtube kick. Watched a lot of clips, amongst them some of a musical called “Which Witch” by two Norwegian women called Benedicte Adrian and Ingrid Bjørnov. I absolutely LOVE it. I might have mentioned it before, but that is just how much I like it. It is a mix of rock and opera. Fabulous. I will give you a link to one of the songs that I found. It is not the best of them, but as I only found three I think this is the best of them. The song is called “Malleus Maleficarum”. (which is the Latin name for “ The Hammer of Witches”, which is a book that contains medieval treatises on witches and the persecution on them. It was written in 1486.) But first, here is a short plot synopsis of the musical:


Maria Vittoria, foster-daughter of an influential Roman family, has fallen in love with her German tutor, Daniel, recently made a bishop of the Catholic Church. Maria's foster-father wants to marry her off to a German merchant banker, but the headstrong Maria has other plans.

After causing a scandal at the Vatican the lovers are obliged to leave Rome. Daniel takes Maria back to his family home in Heidelberg where she meets Anna Regina, his possessive elder sister. The illicit love affair conflicts with Anna's ambitions for her brother's career, and when Daniel openly declares his commitment to Maria, Anna has to take action. Daniel mysteriously falls ill on the following day and remains in a deep sleep.

Anna Regina then accuses Maria of having cast a spell on Daniel. The townspeople turn on Maria and she is imprisoned for witchcraft… Oooh pray, what will happen!?

Now for the song: Malleus Maleficarum

This is from the show in London; Maria in the stocks


These two women started early playing around with this genre. They released a record/cd called "Rock VS Opera in 1985 that this song is from. 

Oh, I found one other clip now. Yay. This is a very early version of one of my favourite songs from the musical. Probably from early 90s. Looks like a video of it, as it isn’t form the musical itself; Eternally

Gee, I have to say that I am quite a wreck these days. So tired I feel I have no energy to do anything. Nor have I any imagination or creativity to write anything of interest to anyone. I sat on the train home yesterday, and tried to feel something. The only thing I felt was emptiness. Bare and numb, and my inside is still.

There is however a “nerdy guy” at work that is kinda cute. He is an economic counsellor for people who have problems with deep depths and stuff. He both looks and is your typical bachelor, and he wears vests/waistcoats.*giggle* Well, I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about him. Plus he is tall and slender and has a cute arse. *lol* I would never fall for him, but it is good to have a nice arse to look at when he walks down the corridors.

I must say sorry to all my blog friends for my complete and utter, and not to mention shameful absence on your blogs lately. I am so so sorry! I do read you, but like I said before; I am empty. Next Thursday I will get my Easter holiday, and I will be off for almost two weeks. I hope to rekindle my inner self then… I still love you, ok!

Hugs and stuff from me :-)

Hip behaving badly

Yeah right. *lol* Didn’t I say I was going to write before next weekend in my lat post? Well, as you all can see I didn’t… Sorry. It’s been a busy week. Like on Thursday I wasn’t home before at 8 o’clock pm. Left home at 07.15 am… 13 hours away. I was really tired. Tuesday I had visitors; Eva and her hubby Erling. So nice to see them. Eva is having an operation in her back coming Monday. Please keep her in your prayers. She has a prolapse that is tricky and practically killing her. Due to the location of the prolapse, they can’t guarantee that she’ll get all better. But let’s hope so!

As it said in the headline; my hip is behaving badly. Indeed-e-o… I just had to take a pill for the pain. So severe right now I can hardly sit still. I’ve had grave pains for many weeks now. It is so frustrating sometimes, to know that there is nothing to do about it. I have to live with it always like. The ache goes from my arse, and my hip area, and all the way down to my ankles. Sorry, I won’t whine any more about it.

Meanwhile, I am currently wondering whether most people in the surrounding areas got their drivers licenses in the post. There is an insane amount of bad driving out there. Like every time I’m out on the roads I am appalled by the way some people behave in the traffic. I think the lack
of consideration, politeness and some respect is revolting. I think ht the concept of “other people” means nothing. Not to mention the horrible cutting, speeding and overtaking… Yikes. I am surprised that more people aren’t killed around here, I really am.

I am in love with the county (Rogaland) in which I live in. I think it is a county full of breathtaking nature, and there is so much weather, so to speak. In addition, we have fjords and mountains, plus the flatness where I live, with open sea and sandy beaches. We can go from scenery like this…




... to this in quite short time. I think the diversity is fantastic!




I am off to watch some TV and eat ice cream 

Hugs EV :-)

Stuffed animals

First; thanks for all your kind words in my last post. Gotta love you!

There’s one thing I’ve noticed over the past months, and that is the widely spread usage of stuffed animals in cars. Be it a dog, a lion, a tiger or rabbit. People, for some odd reason, put these toys in their cars by the rear window. Why, so that they can have a view out!? What the feck is up with that? To what purpose does that serve? “Oh in case of emergency, at least I’ll have some stuffed animal to cuddle up with…” This I do not get, not on any bloody level. Who thought of this concept? How did it spread? I fear it is a plague that won’t diminish. But in my humble opinion the last thing I need, when out driving, is a pair of huge fake eyes staring me in the face! It is a bit scary in fact… yesterday I had to stare at a HUGE German sheepdog for 25 minutes. I swear; at some stage his eyes actually moved. *chills*

For those of you have read my blog for some time you might remember I’ve talked about Vegar before. He is a young fella, at the age of 22. Very hot, kind, funny and quite mature for his age. Plus brown gorgeous eyes. I am a sucker for brown eyes. Oh yes! Well, I had him over yesterday evening, for some drinks and fun. We had a rrrreeeeaaaallly great evening!! ;-)

I’ve been trying to practice my Spanish lately too, and today I ordered two books for the continuation of my learning. It is called Mundos Nuevos 2. One book is for reading and the other is for grammar and exercises. Can’t wait to get hold of it!
It is so exciting and intriguing, Spanish that is. I totally adore English too, needless to say. But even though there are words I don’t know, and I clearly make mistakes, I feel that I know the English language quite well, and to such an extent it isn’t much of a challenge anymore. Spanish really is though. Plus, I don’t think I can ever tire from learning new languages. I simply love words. In fact I’d go as far as saying I have a fetish. Well put-together sentences almost turn me on. Wordaholic. There, I said it. I know I have one person amongst my friends that is a fellow word lover. You know who you are Angel of 86. *lol* Your English is fabulous and amazing!!! We used to, for instance, speak English, German, Spanish, Norwegian and perhaps a bit of Swedish in one sentence. Darn that was fun!

Well, I think this is enough. I’ll try to write before next weekend. I am so bad! In more ways than I want to elaborate… *lol*

Huggies and nappies 

- I am, unbelievable as it might sound, having an upbeat day - 

EV

night

What she wanted to feel, was his fingertips lightly on her wrist
stroking
barely touching
His lips on her face,
her neck
To feel his breath,
heavy, moaning
Fingers moving towards that heated place
While gazes remind still
What she wanted to feel was him all around her
Until stars flew and the moment froze
And to never let go of the sensation


*****************************************************************************
One day when she woke he was gone.
She couldn’t taste him, smell him, nor feel his presence even if she tried.
He was gone from her soul, her veins, and her mind.
Disappeared behind the wall of justice.
It was like he had never even been there.
But she knew it was merely a dream.
It was just what she wanted; for him to be erased, vanished,
and not leaving behind any traces of sadness and emptiness,
that incidentally felt forever carved within her soul.

workbenches and tools

Oh I was kinda proud yesterday. If I may be as bold as to brag a little… It might not seem like a big thing, but it is to me, and that is the most important thing. Well, we were at the weekly “communal child welfare authorities meeting”, and my work practice guide said to me: “I read through the complex social report you wrote, and I have to say, I was thoroughly impressed. Wow, you must really have it in you; I didn’t have to change one tiny thing. And to think, this was on your second day here EV.” I blushed, smiled and said; “well, I am glad to hear that you were happy with my work”. And of course I am! Perhaps I needn’t be so worried about failing.

Though, one thing has been postponed almost to the last; my “plan of learning”, which is a written assignment to be handed in to the University by this Friday. Am I done? Noooooo…

During this last week I have made a life changing decision. It probably won’t happen any time soon, but I hope as soon as possible. I don’t think I am ready to share it just yet. I’ve only told one friend and my parents so far. They’ve all been positive. I a sure I will share it with you in due time. It is just that I don’t want it spread all over the net just yet, as I am not exactly anonymous in here… I am thrilled and abit nervous about it, but mostly happy and content!!

This is a workbench, like for woodwork and its likes.

 
Why is it that when I see them I just want to get my tools out, go out and buy wood and start building stuff. I want to make a TV bench for my old TV. Instead of not using it, I thought of putting it in my bedroom for watching DVD’s for instance. What I am going to watch? Well that’s my secret. ;-)

I’ve never had a TV in my bedroom like that before. I want to build, to do something that gives me an instant result. I bought a new table for my computer this weekend, and it was pure pleasure to put it up. I am really happy with the new table. Cheap as hell, and such a space saver too. You see it is a corner solution.

Did I ever tell you I hate being single? No? Well, I do. Especially because there is so little sex coming my way. (ok, I have a few men in their 50's who want to, but I don't... I can't, it wouldn't turn me on with someone I didn't really like/love. Plus I don’t want that kind of sex either… Gee it sucks so much! So all you out there with men/women in your lives; bloody well enjoy it. Unless Bob is served on a silver plate, so that I can enjoy his whole over-sexy-attractive-being, I remain "sex-less" for now. Pray for patience and unwantonness to come my way! *lol*

Love EV :-)