Mindless mumbo jumbo

I started this study because I want to help/support/empower people to get out of whatever difficult situation they’re in, and for whatever reason. As I read I find myself agreeing with one of the authors. She says about her own years of studying social work: “I thought this was about learning about other people. But it wasn’t long before I learned that it had just as much to do with me learning about myself.” This is so true! I have actually had to put down the books sometimes, as emotions rise high. It hits close to home. I think to myself: Is this allusive?” God, it stirs me up!

I have come to a decision. In order to try even harder at letting go of the always present Mr. B himself, I have chosen to try get totally pre-occupied with my studies. (GOD I miss him though!!) To focus on what’s important to me right now; which is to get an education. So I will learn for the sake of learning, not just good grades, explore, expand and grow and so on. Take pleasure in becoming the best social worker I can turn into.

I am exceptionally emotional at the moment. And have been for the past two weeks. I don’t know what it is. Well, I do know some reasons, the most apparent ones, but the more underlying ones are harder to pinpoint. I feel I am in a phase of transition in my soul, and life in general. Can’t really explain, but I hope that it will get clearer as time goes by. Like I’ve said before; sometimes I wish I were a robot. Emotions are fucking my life up, no doubt. And I am not one for living in repression either. I can’t disavow what’s inside. Neither can I hide it for me, or anyone else. I have to live, feel and be honest, in all aspects like that. Can’t go around pretending everything is grand. “I don’t bottle up my feelings, as it isn’t good for me”. I am sad, but simultaneously I am becoming more content also, which I am grateful for. It’s all my own work with my mind and social life.

If I may sound/be silly; I miss a few things, physically, like crazy! When you're used to intimacy for 6 years, and then in the split of a second it's all gone... Drives me nuts with longing.
Especially towards a certain someone. I've never been near him that way, and I can  practially feel how my hands want to touch him. For some reason; his hair, hands and cheeks in particular. I also miss kissing. I love it. It's so intimate and the feeling of your love's lips, oh kill me now! But not as much as a tongue in sight, except my own... *lol* 

Jabber, jabber, jabber. I am sure this was all very interesting, to hear me talking about things like this. Ah well! It’s my blog, isn’t it!? *lol*

I will leave you go now.

But before I go; try to log on to the Internet using these instructions, found in a Hotel in Asia. Good one! Hihi...

Monsoon :-)

Chatterbox Club

Hi!

I don’t know why, but for some reason I am not very into my own mind at the moment. Probably trying not to think about the not so good aspects of my life. This results in difficulties in writing. The things I have inside are too private to talk about in here, and I am sure they would be misconceived anyways... I want to share these photos by an artist. He does street paintings. So realistic! Amazing, I must say.




Here's a new "learn more about me" thing... Oh so exciting! *lol*

I AM: Tired and numb and a bit happy too.

I WANT: To forget… To sleep for a very long time… To be a fantastic student.

I WISH: I could speak more languages, like Italian, Russian and Polish. And I also wish to be better at Spanish.

I HATE: The injustice of the world. Animal cruelty. Hypocrisy, prejudice and impoliteness. Also my own weakness and fatness.

I MISS: B.., my friends that don’t live around here, Beata in Poland, my Irish “family”, having someone around, my cat Bastian, being able to run really fast,

I FEAR: I won’t reveal my worst ones, it’s too personal, but I don’t like spiders and heights.

I HEAR: Everything, my hearing is “effen” brilliant. *lol*

I WONDER: About almost everything. I have a thoughtful mind. Drives me nuts sometimes.

I REGRET: Over the past two years; a lot! But I regret what I didn’t say and didn’t dare to do.

I AM NOT: Good at keeping a spotless flat.

I DANCE: A lot. I love it, and it frees me.

I SING: Soooo much! I even “mime” the words of the songs I listen to on my media player, when on the train. I can’t sit still when music is being played.

I CRY: Don’t get me started. I take to the tears easy, especially during my period time. When I feel vulnerable there are a lot of tears… I had to stop an “attack” going to school today. It was a Pete Townshend son that almost had me in tears; “Let my love open the door”.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: calm and collect. When students in my class talk during lectures like they’re in the middle of some "Chatterbox social club" gathering. Even after the teacher tells them to stop, they just can’t shut the fuck up. It drives me mental, and I just want to go back there and “strangle” them… It is impolite, rude, disrespectful and ruining it for us who actually want to learn. My thought in this case is; “and you guys are going to be social workers!?” Jainey!

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: Not a lot. I paint. I write. I make dinner.

I WRITE: three billion tons every day, poems, blog entries, diary, school things, lyrics, books and more.

I CONFUSE: My cat.

I NEED: To become better at everything.

I SHOULD: start believing in myself, not eat as much, exercise, stop liking B, make more friends, stop behaving like I am an “elephant” and not a human and relax.

I START: A lot of stuff…

I FINISH: Worms world party games, paintings, poems, and most of what I start, but perhaps not the most important things…


In week 49 we get the results from our home exam. I am very anxious. I do hope I pass.
Until then it is study study study, and then the European handball championship for women starts. Yea!

Monsoon ;-)

Weird child

Wow. Two days ago since I last sat down to write some crap. Yup, that really is astounding.
Just home from Hege’s. Nice to see her!

So now I sit here with really loud music at 23.15. I can play insanely loud at this hour, because the people downstairs are not here. I love when they’re gone. Then I can sing/scream as much as my heart desires. And it needs to, a whole lot right now. It’s good to get “everything out” that way. Right now it is Roger Waters’ “Pros and cons of hitch hiking” that’s playing. Fucking brilliant! Especially the song Running shoes. But now I want/need some “angry” music. What to put on? Zombie with Cranberries perhaps. Yes… Aah, that’s good. *letting out some steam*

This week has been quite stressing. Started with three new big subjects at school; psychology, sociology and law. So much to read and learn, and I am not through half of it. Have been way too tired to read at all times. Did some studying today, luckily.

I have been reminiscing and looking in my old photo albums today. I love doing that. I am a keeper. I have a cardboard box called “memory things”. Amongst other things there are diaries (I have kept a diary since the age of 10), school diaries, letters, tickets from every place I visited when younger, even cinema tickets, notebooks from when I was a child, “documents” from our Data Detective bureau”, old train tables and lists of what me and my friends wanted to play. We could never decide what to play you see, so we used to write down five things each. I can see that my favourites were.

- Kids in an orphanage (I had seen Annie, *lol*)
- Really rich kids
- Celebrities
- People from some other country. (We then had to talk in a pretend foreign language)
- Poor people, and in particular from the 19th century. (I was weird!)

I totally loved all sorts of play that involved some sort of acting; doing comic sketches for instance. I remember they had these Danish sketch books at he library. I think my loan number was the only one stamped in them, as I had them all the time. It said 1812, 1812, 1812... Sadly most of my friends didn’t get my urges for role-play and acting like this. I especially remember that Eva used to hate when I “forced” her to play foreigners, and to talk pretend Russian for instance. Poor girl. Imagination wasn’t a problem for me growing up, that’s for sure. Another thing I did was to use a tape recorder an awful lot.

I guess we can safely say that my voice is thoroughly documented from the age of 5 until I am like 16 or something. Some of what I've done: I sang songs from “tramteateret’s” TV programmes ( a Norwegian theatre/song group kinda thing), tried to talk English but knew only to count to four, and kept saying one, two, three, four, over and over agian. Talked to myself about my goings-on. Had long monolouges about anything, and within those always a bit of improvised acting. I interviewed mum, dad, my aunt and I even tried to interview my one year old brother, who couldn’t even talk. I was persistent, and on the tape I ask and ask him until he starts sobbing. At 10 I got a tape recorder that had two speakers and a radio too. So on that I recorded myself singing to music being played on my old tiny mono recorder. I was mad into recording. My parents have told me that my old tape recorder was practically glued to my body until I got the bigger one. Boy was I proud of it. I even dragged it with me out of the house. Eager much!?

I have scanned a photo of me and my friends on our way to first day at school in 1983. We were 8 and 9 here, and going to start 3rd and 4th grade. Two of the girls are still my best friends. From left: Helen, still friend, me, Eva, still friend, Annette and Julie.



It’s after 12 here now, so I better go to bed.

See you!

Love Monsoon

Gobsmacked

Yea! Inter won 1-0 yesterday’s match in Champions League. So happy! According to me they’re now in second place in the standing. I wish I could have seen Crespo’s goal. Look at him go.

Had a good day at Uni. We had psychology and law. Law seems really interesting. Never thought so, but it makes a lot of sense to learn it. I mean we basically work with the law in our hand. A lot of the decisions we make are based upon the laws. Good teacher too. Tomorrow we start sociology. It’ll be interesting, I think.

I have a girl from Africa in my “small work group” at Uni (5 people), and we have talked from time to time. Her name is Marie José. Today we talked a lot. I asked her, unknowingly, where she came from, and why she moved to Norway. She then said she was from Burundi, and that she moved to Norway because her whole family had been brutally killed in the war. Well except her and one uncle…. Jesus, I was gobsmacked! I told her, in all honesty, that this had me totally speechless and that I didn’t know what to say. She said that that was ok, and continued with; what can you say? I then said that no, what could I say? There is no way I could begin to comprehend even an inch of what that has done to you. She told me more about what she had to watch, and that she was only 9 years old in 1993, when it all started. Apparently it was ethnic cleansing too. Reminded her of Hitler’s Germany she said.

It got us talking and discussing the (classic) imperialism that took place in Africa between 1870 and 1913. An era we should be embarrassed about, in a big way. It is revolting what happened. I really think that so much of what the white people did there have caused a lot of the trouble Africa has with civil wars, guerrillas, genocides, starvation, and so on. They were forced to produce only what the white man needed. This of course led to difficulties in becoming autarkic. (or is it self-supported it is called?!) They were oppressed, killed, plundered, and exploited. When the colonists divided the country they did it almost with a ruler. No races/tribes, culture, languages or religion were taken into consideration when the division took place. Their only interests were power and land/colonies.

Ok, I will shut it now; I could go on forever you see. I have a huge interest and pre-occupation in this topic. I see it as our duty to learn from history. Especially the really dark sides of it like this. For three main reasons; to better understand the world we live in, to try not to make the same mistakes, and to pass on the knowledge. Well, this is mainly my view.

It is soon that time of the month, which means I am in my usual sexy mood because of that. And; as usual it is totally wasted. *lol* Well not entirely of course. It is nice to feel like that, so… All my senses are sharpened, both bad and good. I even listen to music in a different way than normal. Strange I think.

Enough!

Leave with this: How true eh!? Hihi…


Monsoon :-)

Bread rules!

Got up at 05.15 this morning, or should I say night, black night. I can’t stress enough just how much I detest getting up this early. I could never be a baker, because they get up even before “normal” people have gone to bed. Nobody should ever have to get up any earlier than 07.30. Everything else is inhumane. Well not for everyone; my own mum willingly and insanely (according to me) gets up at around 5. First of all because she likes some quiet time and secondly she does it to keep dad company in the morning. That’s love for you. hehe…

Ok, I will admit it. I have stopped the diet. My friend Irene thought it was mental to go on such a strict diet, especially for me. I am after all a “recovering over-eating disorder person”. She then consulted our mutual and brilliant psychologist friend, Agnete, and they came to the conclusion that I should stop. They thought it would mess up my head too much, and maybe destroy everything I have managed and built up in the last two years. Plus my blog friend Lilie agreed with them, judging by her comment. So then after talking to mum as well, I decided to stop. I will try to do so without getting disappointed in myself. At 6 o’clock this evening I ate some bread. I tell you; I ate it with the biggest smile on my face. Sooooo good. Sigh. I know it sounds like I haven’t eaten bread in four years, but when depriving oneself from “normal” stuff; it makes two days feel like a gazillion. So there you go, I am no longer de-carbodrated. *lol* Also; in the split of a second; the headache was gone too. Amazing, and great, as my head was near explosion. However; I will eat healthy… Honestly. I am worth it. Plus should I have any chance on finding myself a man some day in the far future, when B is “forgotten”, I need to be thinner. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune doesn’t drool over fat girls. *lol* (stole some of Jane Austen’s great starting sentence in Pride and Prejudice)

My flat needs cleaning. Is there anyone out there who likes the cleaning business? Please, by all means feel free to wipe your dusters around here. I promise I won’t be in the way. In fact I’ll leave the flat while you are at work. Housework is the kind of work that nobody notices if you do it, but everyone notices if you don’t. Isn’t that true? It is also so completely useless. Well the dusting is. You wipe the TV and then three seconds later there’s tons of dust on it. How ungrateful. I’d like to enjoy housework, and I certainly would LOVE to be a fantastic cook, but right now this is more me:

Viking, the local football team has hired a new coach. Not my first choice, but he didn’t want the job so… I hope he will be great for the team, especially for their spirits. There are several Champions League matches today, but of course no Norwegian channel is going to send the one I want to see. Aaargh! I have, let me count, 8 pure sport channels, plus some other ones that do send sport, but none of them are sending Inter versus Sporting Lisbon. Ah well, what can you do really? Hope they win though.

I leave today, far less hungry and messed up, plus much happier than yesterday.

Monsoon

Is there life?

Woo hoo… *lol* This has been a dreary day, and not to mention hungry day. ME WANT REAL FOOD! *drooling and practically dying in front of the fridge* (ever so slightly exaggerated!?) This diet thing makes my seriously mental in the head, already… *lol* I am in Headache City and Psycho Ville! In addition; so hungry it hurts.

"My” coacher doesn’t answer my mails, so I am not sure whether to stay on this thing or not. Firstly he hasn’t told me how much to eat, how frequent, what to eat together with what, and so on, so how will I know? Secondly I am basically only doing it to get those two free sessions to give to my friend. But now I am starting to think that there’s something not right. I can’t be bothered to live like a rabbit for ten consecutive days without that “prize”, no way. I will of course eat healthy, and I mean really healthy. Not semi-healthy like the past 2, 5 months. I would like to be able to allow myself to eat some bread and meat though. Wait what was that? Ooh. It was the chicken filets calling me from the freezer. They want me to eat them. God! I am such a freak! If I can’t live one day without meat, what’s to become of me? I am smiling cause I find myself amusing right now. Like I have never gone one day without meat before. Of course I have. Jainey, it just seems so much worse today. It must be the mix of the lack of meat, Tab, bread and carbs in general. Yeah… I am “de-carbodrated”

Only good things about today have been Malin’s visit, and the Msn chat with dear Irene. And music, let’s not forget music! Always a treat! Which reminds me; I have been wanting to post this lovely picture of the “In The Attic” gang. Aaawh… Aren’t they cute?


It is Rachel Fuller with her beloved Pete (who can blame her?), Pete’s brother Simon Townsend, and in the back is fabulous Mike Cuthbert. It is Rachel and Mikey’s show, but both Pete and Simon appear quite frequent too, either as musicians or technicians…

*chicken filets, salmon filets, chicken mince, steaks*

Also according to some feminists this is porn:

I have one question for you guys: Have you ever, I mean ever, watched pornographic pictures or films? Apparently not, because that doesn’t look like this at all. I can assure you! This to me shows one women in her very nice underwear. Nothing more. She doesn’t spread her legs or put a finger in her mouth and suck it while looking at “you” with lust in her eyes… She just sits and stands around her apartment wearing underwear. Yes, I can see where you find that pornographic. If “Hennes and Maurits” or H&M, is to advertise their knickers and bras, how do you suggest they do it? With trousers and sweaters hiding what’s underneath? I am exceptionally sick and tired of these know-it-alls that apparently have nothing to do with their time, except dig up so-called problems and complain about them. I don’t agree with you, not at all.

Monsoon

B..

This is a very long, strange and silly post

What have you done to make yourself proud today...

… A question raised in a TV programme I watched. I felt as if they asked me this. It kind of hit home, if you know what I mean. So I asked myself that very same question, and came to the horrible realization that; nothing.
- Nothing was my answer. If that isn’t dreadfully sad then I don’t know what is. To be 32, a seemingly intelligent girl, and sitting here wasting her life not feeling proud of fucking anything she does. Ok, I admit I do things that I am proud of, for others, but nothing for me. I am so not looking out for number one. I just live in this semi-healthy-life which just keeps me on the same weight, and which also kills my true spirit by the minute.

I am not all I can be. The Monsoon you see isn’t what I truly like being. The real me has much more true confidence, always smiling, great spirit, she is content, social and loves to meet new people. I am a shadow of what I have aspirations and possibilities of being. It makes me sick. So sick I want to scream out loud and smack my head. Get a grip you silly twat! Bob released the true me, so I was able to enjoy 1, 5 years of freedom. He opened my eyes in a way, so that I could see myself from the outside, and to see that I was worth making an effort for. Now that I don’t have that, it’s hard. I tend to judge and put myself down. Nevertheless; truth be spoken; he isn’t here anymore. He never will be. His heart, mind and body belong to someone else. So I will have to get a grip and find the spark within. I am so tired of this fight with myself, as that’s what this feels like. It wears me out.

I have had it with this behaviour, and so I will start that challenge thing my coacher gave me, tomorrow. It is gonna take all my energy, but I will conquer this!
Things in my student life are hard for me, and that doesn’t exactly help with the whole eating thing. I don’t want to say anything more about it, other than what I hope for, which is being able to say this, and mean it: "To hell" with all you prejudiced and stuck up people.

Despite the “sadness” of this post I feel determined and strong today. I believe in me, who I want to be, and how I want to be perceived. I will go and “bake” the life I want for myself. I know one ingredient that forever will be missing, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have the good life I want. I just need a replacement, like in baking… One replaces the expensive and magnificent saffron with the similar, yet not so exclusive, turmeric. *lol* It might take an insane amount of time and effort, but it must be possible. Why must he feel so important to me? Heck! But as for Bob; I have decided one thing. I have to go on, live, breathe, think, learn, and just be, while he “runs” around in my mind and soul at all times. If it isn’t meant to be, the love will fade some time. (I hope!!) I can’t force myself not to love him. Doesn’t work like that. Love isn’t a button you can press ON or OFF on. I care so much for this man that I could burst. Not to mention physical attraction... Dear God! Probably sound really cliché and silly. True it is though…

Vegar is beeping me on Msn… After: That was a very refreshing conversation indeed!! ;-)

I leave today with hope and determination of an important and big change food wise. This is it.

Monsoon :-)

Wintertime love

Ok, I am just really exasperated right now. I had written quite a long blog entry, and then the phone rang. We got talking, Audhild and I, and in the middle of the conversation I for some reason pressed a key on my computer by mistake. It asked me did I want to save, and since I was in phone-land I pressed no. Then I thought to myself; do you realize what you’ve done!? It was gone! For crying out loud you stupid gin-swilling #/&%*!! … Yes, I do have a tendency to become very mad at myself when acting like a total thick “eejit”…

Anywhoooo… Agnete and I have been to visit Rønnaug, Tommy and their new baby Andreas. It was so great to see them. Andreas was totally cute, and so quiet. Rønnaug’s dad, also named Andreas, was there too. It was terrific to see him, as he is such a great guy. We had an awfully nice time. Agnete and I also got to talk a lot in the car back and forth, which was fab. I can’t wait for Christmas to come. Because then all my friends who live away come home. Most of them. We have been a “gang” for 16 years, and the “we” consist of me, Rønnaug, Agnete, Møyfrid, Judit, Oddbjørg, Irene, Janne and Helene. I love my girls!
Here he is in his cradle by the way.

As you all know I live in Norway. A fairly cold country, especially during winter. I hardly believed my eyes when I two days ago found a rose on my balcony. Seriously; we’re talking midst of November here. It’s not supposed to be roses growing this time of year. How weird. I took a picture of it. However; I am not complaining as I am not particularly fond of snow. Not down here. In the mountains it’s ok, down here, not so much. There is mainly one reason for that: I am scared, beyond stiff, of falling. No wonder eh, as you can imagine the sound and the look of three tons of women falling to the ground. What spectacle! I am pretty sure the shake would be picked up by the Richter’s scale. Picture this headline: *woman fell, caused major quake*. You gotta have some self-irony to endure being and looking like me, ok. *lol* Not to mention how much it would hurt my poor self. My hip is painful enough as it is, I don’t need it to be worse.

I feel a bit uplifted today, so I must enjoy that feeling. Yesterday was fecking brutal in comparison. I can’t get him out of my head. He is too unforgettable and loveable for that.
You know what to do if you’re sick of hearing about it; skip this section. Or if you have already read; try to repress it…

Well, see you all, and have a nice week!

Monsoon

Boring post, sorry...

Ok, right now I am totally boring, and I have nothing to write about that would be of any interest. So I am posting this instead. Feel free to copy and give me your answers. Maybe my mind will be kinder later on tonight, as I am usually more "creative"
at night time.

Do you snore?
Well, I do when my nose is blocked. *feeling very feminine now*

Are you a lover or a fighter?
Oh, when I love, I really love, but I can fight as well.

What's your worst fear?
I don’t want to say

As a kid, were you a Lego maniac?
YES!!! A huge one as well; had about a gazillion tons of the stuff. The whole living room floor was full of the city I built. My brother loved it as well. Still love it, and I don’t mind building. I just don’t think LEGO is what it used to be. It’s become too commercial.

What do you think of reality TV?
I loathe it, and it makes me irate and nauseous. It’s vile, really it is.

Were you a cute baby?
Of course I was. I still am. Haha!

Is the single life for you?
Nope!

What colour is your keyboard?
Dark grey and light grey, and some silver.

Do you sing in the shower?
Yes almost every time.

Have you ever bungee jumped?
No I don’t have a death wish. Extreme sports in general; not for me.

Any secret talents?
Heck yeah, but I think I must censor them. Sensitive souls might be reading this.

What is your ideal vacation spot?
Italy, and Spain as well so that I can use the little Spanish I know. But Ireland too, always.

Can you swim?
Yes. Learned it at 13, but I have been terrified of water since I nearly drowned as a kid. But two years ago I was determined that I would be scared no more. So now I can swim without breaking my neck. I used to swim with my head bent toward my back, as I was insanely afraid of getting water on my earlobe. Silly eh!? I am however very proud for conquering the anxiety over this!

Do you give a damn about the ozone?
Yes I do. It concerns me, but I am sure I am ignorant like the rest of the human race, and not doing half of what I could to help the environment.

How many licks does it take to get the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Licks? I am an expert on that so let’s say 4 minutes. Is it really a pop we’re talking about here?

Can you sing the alphabet backwards?
No, I’ve never tried. Should I?

Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners?
Manual, talk about being lazy…

What's your stand on hunting?
Not fond of it, but it depends I guess. Totally against it for the sake of sport and fun!! I wouldn’t kill an animal myself, not even for the purpose of eating it. I couldn’t get myself to even fish… To look into the eyes of the poor fish or deer, oh God! Not for me!

Is marriage in your future?
I have no idea. I am not a person who needs to be married, and I’ve never really dreamt about the fairy tale wedding. I am more devout to the relationship itself. As long as I know that the “we” I am a part of is something that is stable and good, I am content. Also I need to know that we are together beacuse we both have passion, true love, respect and care for each other; I don't want it to be "out of old habit" or anxiety over being alone. I'd rather be alone than in a "habit/security/comfort relationship". I need some passion to stay, I do. And I know that it's possible to have that, even after many years. But should someone I truly love in all the ways propose, I wouldn’t say no.

Do you like your handwriting?
Not really no. It’s very messy and it is changing all the time. I can tell by the handwriting what age I am, when looking at older written “things”. My math teacher used to always have to ask me; what does it say there, is that a four… So I guess I am not alone in not liking it… *lol*

What are you allergic to?
Smoke, my nose gets blocked, and also oranges, rhubarb and other fruits high in vitamin C.

When was the last time you said "I love you"?
If you mean to a boy/girl friend then about 1,5 years ago I guess. If you mean friends; I said “love you” to Stina on the phone today. If you mean in my head to someone totally unattainable, just now... (bugger!)

Do you cry at weddings?
If the person getting married is close to me, then yes.

How do you like your eggs?
Well cooked or fried.

Are blondes dumb?
NO!

Where does the other sock end up?
I have these elves that live in my utility room, and they love socks. I try to feed them with socks that have holes in them, but for some reason those aren’t to their satisfaction. We have struck a deal though. And this has resulted in no more disappearing socks for me.

Do you have a nickname?
No, used to be called "dadda" and "Mossi" by my mum

Is McDonalds disgusting?
No, but it’s not exactly gourmet food is it? Besides; the smell in the alley behind a Mc Donalds stink in the vilest ways.

When was the last time you were in a car?
This morning when out shopping for groceries and stuff…

Do you prefer baths or showers?
Depends on the mood. If in a sensual mood, definitely bath. In a hurry in the morning, shower.

Is Santa Claus real?
Of course he is, he brings me loads of nice thing every year.

Do you like to have your neck kissed?
Yes, it gives me shivers down my spine, the good sort… And especially it the kissing continues downwards.

Are you afraid of the dark?
No, never was, never will be. I love the dark.

What are you addicted to?
My computer and internet and talking I think.

Crunchy or creamy peanut butter?
Crunchy

Can you crack your neck?
Yes, I do it every day. Doubt it’s healthy though for some reason.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
No

Is drug free the way to be?
Yes, if we're talking narcotics...

Are you a heavy sleeper?
No, very light. Annoyingly light.

What colour are your eyes?
“Behind blue eyes”

Do you like your life?
Not so much.

Are you psychic?
Yes, I have three crystal balls.

Do you play any instruments?
I can play the tin whistle, which is an Irish flute that is used when playing Irish traditional music. Used to play the German flute (tverrfløyte) when I was young.

Have you ever stolen money?
Yes, from my mum’s purse, and from my brother’s money box when I was little. Bad girl!

Can you snowboard?
No, dear God! I am too chicken!

Do you like camping?
How can I put it… I have this utter revulsion towards camping. Tents are so uncomfortable. They are too cold in the evening, too warm in the morning, so that it feels like one is suffocating, spiders and other creepy crawlers are all over you. Plus I detest camping sites. Bunch of people stuffed into a tiny area. Give me a hotel room. Yes, I admit it. I like “luxury” when on holidays, so kill me.

Do you snort when you laugh?
Yes, if I laugh very hard I sometimes do.

Do you believe in magic?
Yes, magic is so much fun!

Are dogs a man's best friend?
No, a cat is. Dogs are too dependable, they smell and they drool and lick all over you. But they are lovely too, some of them.

Do you believe in divorce?
Yes, I do. But not over “nothing”…

How many people do you like right now?
One person in particular… Him aside; lots of!

What's the most annoying TV commercial?
All of them. I switch channels when they come on.

Favourite song at the moment?
Must be a The Who one. Let’s see… yes, “Mike post theme” from their new album.

If you've read all the way down here: Well done! And you didn't die of boredom either? Huh?

Monsoon

Plumbopyrochlore

I am utterly beat. Feels like I’ve been in a marathon. Mind blank, head is vacant, fingers weak, body numb, and mood crappy. Wonderful, just wonderful. And I still have tons of pages to read over the weekend in both psychology and law. Can’t wait; luckily there’s Saturday for that.

I love Christmas. It is my favourite time of the year. It’s what it means, its decorations and the cosiness of it. There is one thing I loathe though; the commercial communities’ early start. The bathing suits have hardly been packed away, before we are forced to celebrate Christmas, at least while out shopping and going through the mail. They start selling their special X-Mas marzipan and other candy in September, the catalogues for toys and gift ideas are out even before the last Easter eggs have been eaten. I cannot stress enough how much I detest this. It takes the wonder and the special feelings out of the Advent time and the “Christmas month” December. For every year that passes they start earlier. I am sure that in a few years time Christmas will actually start in August. Makes me sick to my stomach. It’s like one gets fed up with it before it even starts. My wish is for a world where Christmas, and I mean everything about it, isn’t allowed until Advent starts. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating then. I have a lot more on my mind, complaints that is, about the way Christmas is celebrated, but I will address that some other time.

I have found out that I am freakishly annoyed by sound, especially when I want to be alone, sleep, relax or just be… And by that I mean sound that I can’t control, mostly. Like on a flag pole there’s this thread that you use to hoist the flag with. Well when not in use this thread is making noises in the wind. Lawnmowers, in particular when they go on and on and on, the sound of the automatic train doors when open, screeching high pitched female voices, exaggerated use of chewing gum, and other loud banging noises that appear when I don’t want them to. Oh and one thing that annoys me, both because it is vulgar, inappropriate and infuriating; young teens on the train talking loudly about how disgustingly drunk they were, how many guys they fucked during the weekend, and how little they remember of it. *Chills* Yes, I am easily annoyed like that. People, in general don’t annoy me though. I am very patient. It might not sound like it, but I am!! Just ask my best friends. ;-)

Well, the freak of nature will shut her hole now.

I love to dance, listen to music, talk, laugh, play and read, just to mention a few things that don’t annoy me. Hehe…

Monsoon

Estoy terminada, actualmente...

Finished! Finito! Terminada! God that feels sooo good… ;-)

Yes, I am officially done. My exams, in two copies, are now stapled together and ready to be handed in tomorrow! I really really do hope that I got all my references, within the text, right. Tricky part, when you’ve never done it before. Thanks for all your suggestions. Now all you need is to pray that I will pass. Promise!?

We’ve been talking about Christmas presents lately, and I had planned to wish for an exercise bike from my parents. Well, was is the key word here… In fact I can’t wish for one, as I am too heavy to sit on them. The steel, or whatever sissy material it’s made of, would give in under my weight. Isn’t that just wonderful? I actually have to fucking loose weight before I can buy one. Makes you feel reeeally fit. We can send people to the moon and we can do the most amazing things within the field of science… However, making an exercise bike for those who truly need it; no, that one is too much of a challenge. It’s a weird weird world.

Eva and I were laughing our heads off by this last weekend. We found it to be tragically comical. I promised Eva to write about it. So there you go!

*Hopelessly devoted to you*. Lyrics that totally fit!

Which reminds me, I really do like the film they’re from. Can’t help it. Grease, that’s what I am talking about. Typical chick flick, but I like it nevertheless. Catchy music and I just love the “I am too cool to even smile and talk” attitude that the T-birds are showing off. Hilarious. Feel good film, and sometimes that’s just what one needs. Dirty Dancing is the same. Only that is a really good film, honestly. I think it holds one of the most erotic scenes ever. The song played as it happens is Solomon Burke with “Cry to me”, and it’s the first time they’re making love. The way they touch, “dance”, oh sigh. And when he pulls her t-shirt up; yes, that’s when we all feel darn right tingly… *lol* Nobody puts baby in a corner. Right you are!

I can hear that my tiny worms are calling me to play a game before going to bed. I played a most magnificent battle today. I had two worms against 17 other, and I bloody well went ahead and won. I am a brilliant strategist. Hihi…

Love and all other sorts of things

Monsoon :-) 

Dream, dream, dream, that's all

Congratulations to one of my best and closest friends, Rønnaug, who gave birth to healthy baby boy yesterday. His name is Andreas, after Rønnaug’s dad. And of course; congrats to the proud daddy as well, Tommy!
I have to admit that I started to cry when I got the text message… So happy for you guys!

Unwind.

This is what I needed right now, and so I gave myself that freedom. It tasted wonderful.

Yesterday I spent so many hours writing, that in the end my eyes started to run and sting. Then I said to myself, with a very firm voice; Monsoon do get up from that chair and do something else, before you grow a bedsore or even worse; before you grow into it completely. Do something nice. So I went to Eva. It was great to shift focus.

YEA!! Guess which lovely Canadian girl I got a beautiful, homemade I think, card from yesterday? It was Martha. It made my day Martha, just so you know it! Thanks so much!

Had two dreams that I remember last night, both of them recurring. First I was a Jewish girl in Poland during WW2. I was captured, of course, and ended up in Auschwitz. Fucking dreadful dream. All the things I endured, oh God! It seemed to last forever, and ended in the “showers”. Lovely. My next one was about Bob. It was just a normal day it seemed. I was making dinner, he was reading the paper. We ate, talked, and then we lay down on the coach. We just held each other… It was such a good feeling, but boy was it crappy to wake up and see that I was in fact completely alone. Yuk! So I just got up, put my woollen socks on and laughed at my own reflection, as I caught a glimpse of it in the bathroom mirror. I look insane in the morning. We have a “bad” saying for that kind of hair in the morning in Norway. We call it “fuck-hair”… Only I haven’t, so what’s my excuse? *lol* Also I look 45 in the morning. Why is that? Baggy eyes, dark circles under my eyes, or are my wrinkles more visible? Who knows? A combination of all of the above? Yes most likely…

I am nearly done with my exam now, and I am s glad! There’s only some nit picking left I think. I am happy with what I’ve done, and I know I couldn’t have done better. So as long as I pass, I am thrilled. Everything above E is fab! (A is the best, and F is fail) God, never thought I’d hear myself say that. But as I get better at writing in an academic way, I will have to expect better grades. The examination result will be released on December 7th. *quiver*

However, I am now going to move my tiny, intsy bitsy body into the living room to watch some TV, and eat Mövenpick ice cream. TO DIE FOR! I am what you would call an ice cream freak. A huge one! It’s like I have a stomach of my own just for ice cream. My dad is the same. Once when I was little he bet me that I couldn’t eat 2 litres of it. (US 0,53 gallons, UK 0,44) He lost. Yes, that’s how crazed I am for this stuff. And here this; it must, preferably, be eaten out of a Tupperware plastic bowl. It doesn’t taste as good in a glass bowl. Honest to God! I know; I am sick! *lol*

Bye bye baby bye bye

Monsoon

Ps I wish I could ring him up and say; why don't you come over here for a while... SIGH!

The neverending story

Really, I should be sick of writing, as my life seems to hold one thing; writing. And in particular these last days, when I’ve been working on my exam as well. But my writing is my escape, my way of calming down, and a way to sort my mind. Still stressed and worried, as I set high standards for myself school wise. However; I have promised myself this time, to give me a break. After all I’ve never done something like this before. So my goal is, hopefully, achievable, as I am happy as long as I pass. Ok, so happy might be a tad exaggerated, but at least I won’t have to do another exam, which is the case if I flunk it.

I couldn’t have done it without Agnete. She’s been great!! She gets my ideas, she understands my perspectives, and she isn’t afraid to correct me. Though she told me that her initial thought when reading my introduction was; “Why does Monsoon think she can’t write, this is very good”. So I guess I will have to start giving myself some credit. I might be able to write, but my problems are the structure, the theories and the way the assignments should “look”. There are certain rules to follow…

It’s been father’s day here. Although we never really celebrated those kinds of things at home, I bought some marzipan for my dad. He loves that. It was just a small token… I was at mum and dads for a roast dinner. We all sighed and moaned as we ate, because it tasted over- superbly! Mum and I could hardly stop eating, and we continued to eat out of the saucepans while cleaning up afterwards. I love meat, no question about it. Not so fond of the gamy flavour though, but I think that is the only one. Give me a well done steak, and I am yours! *lol* On Saturday I am going to start my challenge that my coacher gave me. That means not eating any meat, dairy products or my beloved tab x-tra for 10 days. Will I survive it? I will, yes… If not for any other reason than to prove to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.

These last days have been brutal in the B-case. As the title said; the never ending story.

Well, I better post this and go. I need to relax myself, and I know just the thing ;-)

Monsoon

Bom shakalaka, bom

Just a tiny update from the frustrated lady in red. Oh my! I am seriously scared, worried, and desperate. I can't write!! Yikes! And also; yesterday I found out that I had totally overlooked one of the books in our syllabus. Yea! This was in addition a very vital book for the kind of exam question we got. So I rang around to bookstores “nearby”. I got lucky at last, and the nice man put it aside for me to collect today. I had to go all the way to Sandnes to buy it, which takes me about 35-40 minutes, depending on the traffic. Well, at least I didn’t have to go all the way to Stavanger. But instead the traffic was insane; a main road is blocked because of landslide. I did get the book eventually.

By the way; here this: Yesterday I went to the library to see if they had the missing book. The man had to call someone, and while he waited for them to call back I went to my favourite books. Found one that looked nice and started to flip through it. KA-BOOOOM it said in my stomach all of a sudden. Why? Oh only because there in that tiny yearbook thingy was a picture of the man himself. Yes Bob for crying out loud! He was so gorgeous I wanted to die! This was in 1991 and he was 36 at the time. Looked almost the same, and his tiny, yet insanely attractive smile, was there too. I was completely dumbfounded! Didn’t expect that at all. So I stared on that for a few minutes, as I was in shock over the dazzling man… When I woke up I quickly put it aside and found some other interesting book. It was on my favourite subject. Was this an innocent book or not? Yes, you guessed correctly, it wasn’t. He was fucking featured there as well. Jaysis! What’s up with that? He was only 30 there, and was holding up a book together with some other men. Sooo cute… I didn’t dare to look for more books there, and went to another part of the library. Must say this though; he has apparently always been totally hot, but I still find him the hottest now. Perhaps that is weird, don’t know. My only worry is that I apparently have to find some new preferred reading category, as he is in all the books I want to take out. As I didn’t know him earlier, I never singled him out before… Mum thought this was utterly funny… Bad mummy… *lol*

Well, Agnete my psychologist friend has helped me over the phone today. So tomorrow I am going to write the introduction and send it to her. She lives in Oslo, which is about 450 kilometres away, so this help has to go via mail and phone. Irene helped me via Msn and that helped too. Plus you great blogger friends too. I did print out what you wrote to me. Thanks, you are true darlings!

I am thrilled that the library visit screwed me up even more than I am. Is that actually possible? Let’s ponder…

Ok, this turned out to be a not so tiny update. Gee!

Going to Janne for pizza soon, so I will go and wish you a good evening.

*dreaming my life away*

Monsoon

Brains please! Any smart ones for sale?

I’ve been to school where our home exam was handed out, and now I am utterly stressed out. The question is something like this: Why is it important to be conscious about our views on humans. (I can’t find the exact English word for it in my dictionary, nor on the net, which annoys the heck out of me!!)I just feel like writing this for an answer; because it just is. Like the kind of answer you would give to a 3 year old when they ask you a gazillion questions each day. Or maybe this would suffice; if you are aware of your own views on other humans, it is easier to help them. Enough said, eh!?

I have never written something like this before, and I have to say; I am fucking freaking out! HEEEEEEEEEEEELP! I feel insanely stupid, like I have no brains what so ever. I don’t know anything! Have I read any books on the subject? Have I been to lectures and discussed this in the social work workings groups? Nooo, did I? Does not feel like it at this very moment. Perhaps I left an important part of my brain somewhere on the way back home today. Yes, it could have been on the train tracks, I probably lost it when entering the train. There you go! I better go back to Stavanger and retrieve it then…

There is something unusual going on with me today. I think that for the first time since 1988 I am in fact cold. Now there’s a word which isn’t a big part of my dictionary. I am in reality freezing cold. Like from the inside and out. My cheeks are red and roasting, while the rest of the body is icy. I have constant goose bumps because of it. So I use my chilly arms to cool down my cheeks. *lol* I even had to go and lie in bed for a while to try to get some heat up. Unfortunately that resulted in unwanted thoughts, so I had to get up again.
I want someone special to come and hold his arms around me, as I am very sure that would defrost both body and mind…

Now, on the other hand, I need some food. I am going to have some dinner, as it is almost 6.

If my mind stays hazardously useless for the rest of the evening, I might write something unwise and unintelligent later on as well. Don’t expect great things to come from my fingers today, unless you’re talking about something completely different.

Leaving you with one of my favourite paintings by the Norwegian Edvard Munch; Madonna. I could look at her face all day. Look at it! What is she feeling, sensing, experiencing, being? I know what I think, but what do you others think?


Monsoon

Never again

Oh dear God! Came across a video from RTÉ’s ”The Late Late show”. (It is an Irish show which started in 1962, and is still running.) I used to watch it while living in Ireland… Well in this particular video U2 is paying a tribute to The Dubliners, by singing a song called Springhill disaster. An amazing song and Bono signs it with passion and engagement.

I heard something today which stuck with me. It was these words; the truth can never be forgotten… I don’t know why this hit me, but it did. Of course he who spoke them was talking about the Holocaust. It isn’t difficult to put those words together with what happened back then, but for me they represented something personal too. They spoke to me; they got me by the core somehow. I wanted to cry. But then, that might have been because Elie Wiesel speaks in such a way that you can’t help but becoming involved and affected.

For as long as I can remember I have been totally preoccupied by the horrors of WW2. Sometimes I feel like an idiot for reading, talking and thinking so much about it. Does that make me a bit like a sensationalist? But now that we learn that more and more, ignorant if you ask me, people deny Holocaust, I know that my interest and obsession won’t be futile. Why? Because I can read, listen, learn and educate myself on the subject. Like that I can do my best to pass on the knowledge, the awareness, the “never again” legacy…

The terrors of the 1930’s and 40’s, are still just as important and relevant now. Genocides are still happening. More importantly is the fact that they are still happening with us, the people, watching it on the news, seeing children, women and men dead. We shake our heads in disbelief thinking; oh the leaders in those countries, aren’t they just corrupt bastards? We see the innocence of children being destroyed, forcing them to grow up in seconds. How can we let this happen today? Aren’t we enlightened? Aren’t we compassionate? Maybe not enough? Perhaps we can’t see the truth for what it really is, as that would kill us. Do we have a selection in our brains that “protect” us from going insane? Perhaps if we were to put all the problems in the world, on our shoulders; it would be too much? I don’t know. Never again – strong words, words that people believed to be true and good 61 years ago, but somehow their meaning got lost on the way. It is time to bring them forward again.

If you don’t get what I am talking about, go to Auschwitz, and experience the still truth, the silent screams of innocence, the despair, the insanity, and also the hopes, go to Sachenshausen, learn, read, and watch. You can also listen to survivors telling their stories in The Shoah Foundation’s video archive. (50 000 survivors have told their story) Then you’ll understand.

Yes, that was me today. I can’t help it. Somehow this has always felt important to me. Close to home, to my heart, yet I don’t know anyone, personally, who was affected by the war in any “bad” way. For you who haven’t read about my experience when visiting Auschwitz, and want to, go to September 12th.

Was at Eva’s, and we watched something on TV that had me think about this today. It was nice to visit her! We both found out that it is very good for me that I have totally stopped thinking about him… That he never pops into my head like ten billion times a day, plus in my dreams at night. (As if)

Forgot to say that Ciara, my au-pair kid, beeped me on Msn yesterday evening. We talked for 1, 5 hours. It was lovely to talk to her. She said she missed and loved me. Aawwh… Ciara studies fine art in Dún Laoghaire, in the south of Dublin.

I think this is more than enough for now.

Monsoon :-)

For who is it, if not Monsoon, again!?

Met Vegar outside his work at 4, then we walked to the bar/pub ”Newsman”. Nice place. Just my kind of bar. Typical “brown” and dark one, not like those hip cool and trendy spots. The pubs in Ireland all kinda looked like this one… But one thing I noticed today; I was the only girl there, except from the girl behind the bar… weird.
Vegar and I had a great time. Laughed so much that Vegar’s cheek muscles started to hurt, according to him. I enjoyed myself so much! What I love about our friendship is that we can talk about anything, and not be embarrassed. We managed to circle our conversation towards sex. Shocking and totally unexpected!! We are experts on that, or I am at least… *lol*

Listening to The Who’s new album. I like it, though like with all fantabulous music; it takes some listening to… To really hear everything, notice all the important sequences, the special notes, yes, basically to really capture it… I have three favourites so far; “In the ether”, of course, “Mike post theme” and “Black widow eyes”. I love Pete’s banjo playing, it fits… I have seen him do the banjo on “In the Attic” before, and he just looks totally cute with that thing. Aaawwh… Gotta love him! I am in such awe towards him. He is eloquent, intelligent, and when he talks, on “In the Attic” for instance, I listen. Why? Because he speaks with passion and he talks of important things... His ways remind me of my “ex-history teacher”. They share that same capturing way of expressing themselves. At least I am totally sold the minute they both open their mouths… *lol* I love men who are like that, I really do.

Who’s your man? Nobody rocks like these guys, seriously.

Look how happy Roger looks on stage, and why wouldn’t he? Imagine to rock like this, and just totally own the stage and audience. Must be amazing, even after all these years.


Of course The Who reminds me of him... I guess it will forever, but what can I do? I can't stop listening to them, sooo...

I am going to Eva tomorrow, as she is bored way beyond belief these days. Thought I'd go and "entertain" her. *singing Let me entertain you*

B..

Monsoon :-)

I am off

I am off to Stavanger to go out with Vegar. I might write something when I come back.
I hope I will have a good time. I've even put on nice clothes, or at least a nice top. And make up, around the eyes. I think I look kinda nice, as nice as one can when looking like this.

Lovey dovey

Monsoon

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!

I started this blog with a very silly entry about me not being able to post, or so I thought… After that my ramblings seem to never end… Hmmm…

I am too tired today to write anything sensible. Long day at school and after that coaching and today's session was the last one. It’s been useful! I have been given a challenge, and if I accept I will receive two free hours to me or someone else. I am going to give them to a friend who needs it.

See you!

Monsoon

VIKING!!!!!!

Yeeeeeeahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! Viking beat the holy delights out of Brann and won 5-0. Jaysis that was good! My heart is pounding like crazy here. And because of that, plus some more, they managed to stay in the “elite series” here in Norway. What a total humiliation for Brann which actually became number two in the series. *Jumping up and down in exalted happiness*. I am crying like a baby too… Woo hoo!!

Ok, sorry for you not Norwegian, but I just have to write a few lines from a Viking song now. This is a very important day. Ijeh scored 4 goals, bleedin amazing!

D e Viking, d e Viking så komme nå
Du kjenne vel di mørkeblå
D e Viking, d e Viking så storme frem
Å di ska bringa seieren hjem
Å øve heile byen hørres skriking på Viking
D e vel et festlig heiabrøl
Hei!
D e Viking, d e Viking
Di vinne viss di vil
Å sette adle kluter til

CONGRATULATIONS VIKING!!

I’ve been to my grandma’s Birthday celebration today. Fabulous food, as usual. Yum.
I always feel incredibly single at these things, as I am the only single person within ten miles. My cousin Agnete, who is 15, even had her boyfriend there. God! The singleness becomes very obvious on occasions like this, if you know what I mean. Well, what can you do really. I am single, and I am sure I will continue to be single for years to come. For crying out loud; first I have to get a certain someone out of my lovey dovey head, don’t I?! And then we can begin to look for possible and eligible partners…

I just want to thank you all for your lovely comments on my blog. I appreciate it so much, you have no idea!! I treasure each and every one of you.

School tomorrow, then I’m not going in before Thursday when the home exam is being dealt out. I am sure I will be Ok.

I promise I will have better things to write about tomorrow. Right now all I can think of is Viking.

Have a lovely Sunday you great folks out there in cyber space.

Hugs from me – Monsoon -

Hair

Hi! Nothing to say, as I am all darkened out. Don't want to write then... Just wanted to share this as I got my hair done today, at mum's. She's so good!

Also, Shira my cute but "psycho" cat. *lol* Her eyes are just so yellow... Cool.

Monsoon

Just stuff

I become so dejected when I read about animal cruelty. This time it was some Swedish youths who had basically slaughtered animals, and videotaped the whole gruesome action. Not only that, they actually put it out on Youtube for others to view. The talked into the cameras saying things like “here you have it you animal rights people”. What a vile, disgusting behaviour! I can’t understand how anyone can do such things. I can’t even try to comprehend, as it is so far from who I am. If I am being honest I just want to batter them, I do, honest to God!
People who are like this must have suffered from severe deficiencies growing up, in terms of love, care and boundaries. I wish cruelty to animals were looked upon much harder than it is in this country. I have read and heard that one of the earliest signs that we’re dealing with a psychopath is when kids, and youths, are being malicious towards animals. They start off with small animals, and as they grow bigger and older, as do the animals. As adults they “need” to go for humans to “satisfy” their urges for control and cruel dominance. I think it is scary and horrendous stuff.

It was so so dark when I got up at 5.30 this morning, or dare I say night?... I feel I’ve spent this whole day yawning. Insanely tired. No wonder, as I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about flowers and other nice things… Or wait, no that’s not true. I was thinking about something nice all right, but also “illegal”. BAD GIRL! BAD MIND! BAD FANTASIES!
I wasn’t alone being tired though, at school that is. We started the day with a “writing an assignment course”. I learned a lot, and got a lot of pointers as to how to do it… I’ve never written a real assignment before, and so my first one will be an exam. Consoling much!?

I can’t believe that in ten days, or a little more, Rønnaug is going to be a mum. It is just so weird. Almost unreal. It seems only yesterday that she came home with me and we totally loved U2 together, and laughed our heads off by Garfield. She is the one who taught me to like The Who; so thank you so incredibly much! Did I teach you about U2, I mean did I teach you to really appreciate it? Can’t remember. By the way; I have a new favourite song by The Who. It is called My wife, and it is really cool.

This is me; on the train waiting for it lo leave. I was all alone in that compartment, which is why I dared to take a picture. I seem tired and; really bad hair day, judging by the look of this. Hmm… I swear it was much nicer as I left the house this morning.


I am off school tomorrow, which suits me fine. Stay up late, write, read, drool over someone whom I shouldn’t, do other nice things and just enjoy… ;-)

Monsoon - nocturnal little creature -

¡Hola amigos!

I’ve had a very restive night. My sheet was all crinkly and was basically lying in one big lump under me. No sheet on the edges of the mattress. Are we restless much!? Apparently all my mind could think of was ”him”, because every time I woke up I had had another dream about him. Oh dear God! Why can’t I at least have some “peace” at night? Of course the dreams are wonderful, and I love “seeing” him, but it doesn’t do me any good now does it?

So my day started with the most tired face, and body, I’ve had in a long time. I was barely able to haul myself to the shower. I wish someone could have carried me. Yes, because obviously that would have been possible. I guess we would have needed a hoist for that. *lol*

As I am in a very sensuous mood today I wanted to post this picture. There is something enticing, yet a bit daring, about it. Makes you imagine, which I like.

I really enjoy feeling like this, as it makes me feel sexy. I don’t often do that, due to the way I look. But when in this mood I don’t seem to care, which I appreciate. Sexuality and sensuality are very essential things, in my life at least. Makes me happy! And I mean the sense of it, not any “action”, if you know what I mean. Well, of course action isn’t to be frowned upon either, *lol* but that wasn’t my point as of now. I sometimes wonder what causes these moods/senses to emerge. Hormones, life, fantasies, my dreams (might be this time yes… hihi), people I meet, or is it just from some unexplainable place within me? Who knows?

Had a good day at Uni, where I was the one who talked the most in class. Wow! Amazing. I was actually surprised myself. Afterwards I went to my coaching thing, where I even got homework. I am going to write ten things each day that I am fond of about myself. 5 about appearance and 5 about my inner qualities. How difficult is that going to be? Exceptionally! In particular the appearance thing as I am not awfully happy about what I see in that frickin mirror. We’ll see…

Love from Monsoon who ADORES music, as usual...