Last night whilst lying in bed, I got a message on my mobile from Cíara. She is the girl I minded in Ireland. She told me a cool thing that happened to her mum/Therese. Well, Therese is the first secretary of Ireland's Prime Minister, and therefore get to meet so-called important people. Yesterday she met one of the most significant men in rock music; Bono from U2. She talked to him, and when their talk was over Bono kissed her. My reaction was this: "Oh holy mother of all that is pure and good in this world!!" *lol* It must have been fantastic to talk to him. Imagine discussing world politics with him... Seriously, that's what I would have done if I was given the opportunity to spend time with him. Of course music would come up as well...
Meanwhile, I miss Ireland. Lovely country, and I miss my "family" over there. I am just glad that Cíara and I have a lot of contact. Internet has made the world so much smaller, and she feels close to me, although we're miles apart. I truly love her, and the rest of the family, like they were my relatives by blood. Never ever thought that such strong bonds would develop between all of us. I remember being partly scared stiff, and partly excited when entering the plane 11,5 years ago. At 20 I had never been on a plane before. But everything turned out beautifully in the end.
While I lived there Therese asked Cíara and Cathal who they would want to live with should Brendan and herself die. (weird thing to talk about maybe, but it was serious... ) Both kids answered Eilen without blinking, and that had both parents in shock. They thought grandparents, aunts and uncles, and even close friends would come first. But no... Aaah... But one thing had me in tears once. I came home and found a letter on my bed. It was from Ciara. She was 7 years and had written this to me: "I love Eilen. Eilen is the most important person in my life. She loves me, and she cares for me. Eilen is always there, and she is the best. I love her the most in the whole world, I only love my mum more... How cute is that!?!?
Guess who was wearing my favourite pair of pants today. Yeah, it was Bob. *hihi*. It made my day. Sad isn't it? I know, but what can you do? When in love, a nice pair of legs tucked in a very flattering pair of trousers, makes one smile. We don't ask for more, do we? Well, of course if the person wasn't the most unattainable human being on this earth, I would maybe have asked for more. "Please sir, can I have some more" - Oliver Twist
Got a 5 on Spanish mock. Happy enough, but mad at my own stupid mistakes.
Getting up early tomorrow, to have maths. Maybe I should go to bed then? Lying in bed, daydreaming, I simply love it. Sounds like I'm 12, but honest to God, I still daydream at 3I. I find it to be good for my mind and spirit.
I am going to Rønnaug's tomorrow evening. We're gonna see "Rattle and Hum" and eat homemade pizza. It's gonna be great, can't wait.
Feeling sad tonight. Probably PMS. But I'm sure it all will turn out well in the end. Mum has a saying: "everything will turn out great for good girls." Am I good!? Yeah, I think so *lol*
Monsoon xxx plus zzzz since I am tired
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tiny hello
Is sex dirty? Only if it's good... - Woody Allen (hehe, good one!)
Just after seeing "In the Attic". It was great fun today. Rachel's voice is incredibly beautiful, and Mikey is just great too. It's always a pleasure when Pete visits as well. He is really hilarious! Ah, they are all fab!
Got home at around 8 pm, and ate dinner. Left-overs from Monday. My head is bursting into five millions pieces, or so it feels. Pounding headache! PMS city!
Bob is taking up most of my mind. I am so wanting to kiss him, I have to admit! Feel awful for even saying it, but I can't help it. He is merely irresistable to me.
Since I have a head that is killing me with pain, and a bit grumpy mood too, I think I would be better off just going to bed. Tomorrow is going to be so much better.
"The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll
be sun".
Monsoon xxx
Just after seeing "In the Attic". It was great fun today. Rachel's voice is incredibly beautiful, and Mikey is just great too. It's always a pleasure when Pete visits as well. He is really hilarious! Ah, they are all fab!
Got home at around 8 pm, and ate dinner. Left-overs from Monday. My head is bursting into five millions pieces, or so it feels. Pounding headache! PMS city!
Bob is taking up most of my mind. I am so wanting to kiss him, I have to admit! Feel awful for even saying it, but I can't help it. He is merely irresistable to me.
Since I have a head that is killing me with pain, and a bit grumpy mood too, I think I would be better off just going to bed. Tomorrow is going to be so much better.
"The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll
be sun".
Monsoon xxx
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Patience, what's that?
Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue… Trying to convince myself on the matter, because today’s math classes almost had me in a fit.
Hats off for our teacher for not finding and Uzi and gunning down every single person in that class. Ok, hugely exaggerated of course, and obviously I am joking, but here is why:
We are learning about spirals and graphs and stuff, and we use our calculators in this. We were going to go through a “how to do” together, but as it seems that was almost impossible. Everybody had something wrong with their calculators, they didn’t understand what to do (yes because it’s a well known fact that pressing F2 is very hard), they pressed F3 instead, they were all asking different questions, and the teacher had to go around and set up every fucking calculator +++. They didn’t know how do to the simplest operations on it, and even things we were supposed to know ages ago.
My point is this:
- Why in buggery bollix haven’t you all taught yourself this at home, instead of using our precious time in class?
- The calculator is there to help, and therefore it is vital to learn how to work it.
- If you don’t get it, go to the teacher after class to get help, please!!
- Do you give a shite at all?
I know I am very arrogant sounding right now, like "look at me I am so perfect and I do all my homework", but I am just shocked that so few have bothered to learn this. We are supposed to know this by now. It’s not difficult, not at all; if you put some effort into the learning. I mean we are all capable of handling a computer, and why is a calculator so much worse? Plus it’s like this every bloody time the calculators are to be used. Me and my side mate Ingunn were furious today, and felt like screaming out: SOD OFF; DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND YOU WILL GET IT!!!
I am suffering from PMS today so I guess my emotions are running a little high. That might possibly explain the anger and frustration I felt in class today. I always feel more sad, more angry, more furious, more of everything whilst in PMS mode. Hate that!
Stomach hurts, head too, and spots pop out several places. I especially love the huge red one in the middle of my forehead. Looks like a beacon light *lol*
Got my hair cut. One thing is killing me after a hair cut, and that is all that cut off hair that sticks to my neck, my ears, and around the collar of my t-shirts. It’s there and it’s sticking the hell out of me. Aarghh! Can you tell I am ever so slightly mad today?
Dreading getting back my Spanish mock tomorrow. I fear it didn’t go so well. My gut feeling tells me so… Fuck-a-doodle-doo!
Well, to get into a good mood I only have to picture Bob smiling. I then get this grin on my face that you couldn’t even get off by using jet water washing. Such a sexy and cool smile he has. HUGE sigh…
A life without exchange of views, is unworthy to humans - Socrates
Monsoon
Hats off for our teacher for not finding and Uzi and gunning down every single person in that class. Ok, hugely exaggerated of course, and obviously I am joking, but here is why:
We are learning about spirals and graphs and stuff, and we use our calculators in this. We were going to go through a “how to do” together, but as it seems that was almost impossible. Everybody had something wrong with their calculators, they didn’t understand what to do (yes because it’s a well known fact that pressing F2 is very hard), they pressed F3 instead, they were all asking different questions, and the teacher had to go around and set up every fucking calculator +++. They didn’t know how do to the simplest operations on it, and even things we were supposed to know ages ago.
My point is this:
- Why in buggery bollix haven’t you all taught yourself this at home, instead of using our precious time in class?
- The calculator is there to help, and therefore it is vital to learn how to work it.
- If you don’t get it, go to the teacher after class to get help, please!!
- Do you give a shite at all?
I know I am very arrogant sounding right now, like "look at me I am so perfect and I do all my homework", but I am just shocked that so few have bothered to learn this. We are supposed to know this by now. It’s not difficult, not at all; if you put some effort into the learning. I mean we are all capable of handling a computer, and why is a calculator so much worse? Plus it’s like this every bloody time the calculators are to be used. Me and my side mate Ingunn were furious today, and felt like screaming out: SOD OFF; DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND YOU WILL GET IT!!!
I am suffering from PMS today so I guess my emotions are running a little high. That might possibly explain the anger and frustration I felt in class today. I always feel more sad, more angry, more furious, more of everything whilst in PMS mode. Hate that!
Stomach hurts, head too, and spots pop out several places. I especially love the huge red one in the middle of my forehead. Looks like a beacon light *lol*
Got my hair cut. One thing is killing me after a hair cut, and that is all that cut off hair that sticks to my neck, my ears, and around the collar of my t-shirts. It’s there and it’s sticking the hell out of me. Aarghh! Can you tell I am ever so slightly mad today?
Dreading getting back my Spanish mock tomorrow. I fear it didn’t go so well. My gut feeling tells me so… Fuck-a-doodle-doo!
Well, to get into a good mood I only have to picture Bob smiling. I then get this grin on my face that you couldn’t even get off by using jet water washing. Such a sexy and cool smile he has. HUGE sigh…
A life without exchange of views, is unworthy to humans - Socrates
Monsoon
Monday, March 27, 2006
Fancy an amputation?
Love is a serious mental disease - Plato
I said I was going to write about the other program I saw yesterday. First I want to say this: I am not here to judge, I am just shocked...
The program featured one man and one woman who both had a somewhat extreme wish. They felt that their body wasn't entirely their own. The woman meant that her body stopped just above the knee on each leg, and she wanted them amputated. The man thought his right leg, above the knee, wasn't part of him, and he wanted it amputated. It is called body dysmorphia.
They had had these sensations since they were very young, since before starting school. To them their legs were intruders, and alienlike. The man was being questioned by a psychiatrist who asked him would this go away without surgery. The man replied: " I have had this obsession, this feeling of an inadequate body for 50 years now, do you think it will pass?" The psychiatrist recommended that this man should be given the opportunity to amputate his right leg, just above the knee. The woman didn't get the recommendation, cause at this point two legs were a bit over the top...
I can't say that I understand this, not on any level. But these persons weren't psychotic or mentally ill in any way, but then;
What is this? What causes intelligent people to want to become crippled and dependent on others for the rest of their lives? To maybe sit in a wheelchair? To not be able to do what they could before? The urge that the legs/s aren't a part of them must me severely strong. It most likely consumes them and their whole existence.
How horrible it must be. Who can you talk to? Who will understand, and who can understand even if one wishes to? It's too surreal for most people to be able to comprehend.
Suddenly my bisexuality doesn't sound so "weird" after all. Deviant, yes, but at least I am deviant in a way that leaves me whole, literally speaking...
This world contains a vast quantity of humans that aren't so-called normal. They might possess one, two or numerous "side show qualities". I know I do! *lol*
But then we might ask us; what indeed is normal? To me every person is normal. Why? This is why: Because what is normal within me, is normal to me. What is normal within my mum, for instance, is normal to her. And so on... We all have our weird sides, ideas, thoughts, cravings, sexual urges, dreams, and hopes. But for many of us the most extreme stays within ourselves, and we never tell a living soul.
If people want to be amputated, I say; let them. After being thoroughly contemplated, and finding out that they are sane. What is it to me to say no. Have I walked a mile in their shoes and experienced how it must feel? No. We do operate transsexuals don't we? They want to add and remove parts of their bodies to become the person they need to be; a different sex. Might not be entirely the same, but not all different either. It's about helping someone to become "whole". A bit ironic though, that in order to become whole these persons need to become not whole... Hmm...
I don't know. It is a difficult thing, where to draw the line? The pros and cons... (of hitch hiking) I just know that I feel for these people. They must be lonely in their thoughts...
Woo hoo, tonight it's "Pride and Prejudice" time again. I love that series. It has everything, plus a good looking Mr. Darcy. If a man was to ever look at me that way, with such love and intensity; I would quietly swoon I think.
I am getting my hair cut tomorrow after school, and coming weekend I will get it highlighted too. I have to try to look good for the wedding you know.
And one last thing: Bob... need I say more? No I think that would suffice.
Monsoon xxx
I said I was going to write about the other program I saw yesterday. First I want to say this: I am not here to judge, I am just shocked...
The program featured one man and one woman who both had a somewhat extreme wish. They felt that their body wasn't entirely their own. The woman meant that her body stopped just above the knee on each leg, and she wanted them amputated. The man thought his right leg, above the knee, wasn't part of him, and he wanted it amputated. It is called body dysmorphia.
They had had these sensations since they were very young, since before starting school. To them their legs were intruders, and alienlike. The man was being questioned by a psychiatrist who asked him would this go away without surgery. The man replied: " I have had this obsession, this feeling of an inadequate body for 50 years now, do you think it will pass?" The psychiatrist recommended that this man should be given the opportunity to amputate his right leg, just above the knee. The woman didn't get the recommendation, cause at this point two legs were a bit over the top...
I can't say that I understand this, not on any level. But these persons weren't psychotic or mentally ill in any way, but then;
What is this? What causes intelligent people to want to become crippled and dependent on others for the rest of their lives? To maybe sit in a wheelchair? To not be able to do what they could before? The urge that the legs/s aren't a part of them must me severely strong. It most likely consumes them and their whole existence.
How horrible it must be. Who can you talk to? Who will understand, and who can understand even if one wishes to? It's too surreal for most people to be able to comprehend.
Suddenly my bisexuality doesn't sound so "weird" after all. Deviant, yes, but at least I am deviant in a way that leaves me whole, literally speaking...
This world contains a vast quantity of humans that aren't so-called normal. They might possess one, two or numerous "side show qualities". I know I do! *lol*
But then we might ask us; what indeed is normal? To me every person is normal. Why? This is why: Because what is normal within me, is normal to me. What is normal within my mum, for instance, is normal to her. And so on... We all have our weird sides, ideas, thoughts, cravings, sexual urges, dreams, and hopes. But for many of us the most extreme stays within ourselves, and we never tell a living soul.
If people want to be amputated, I say; let them. After being thoroughly contemplated, and finding out that they are sane. What is it to me to say no. Have I walked a mile in their shoes and experienced how it must feel? No. We do operate transsexuals don't we? They want to add and remove parts of their bodies to become the person they need to be; a different sex. Might not be entirely the same, but not all different either. It's about helping someone to become "whole". A bit ironic though, that in order to become whole these persons need to become not whole... Hmm...
I don't know. It is a difficult thing, where to draw the line? The pros and cons... (of hitch hiking) I just know that I feel for these people. They must be lonely in their thoughts...
Woo hoo, tonight it's "Pride and Prejudice" time again. I love that series. It has everything, plus a good looking Mr. Darcy. If a man was to ever look at me that way, with such love and intensity; I would quietly swoon I think.
I am getting my hair cut tomorrow after school, and coming weekend I will get it highlighted too. I have to try to look good for the wedding you know.
And one last thing: Bob... need I say more? No I think that would suffice.
Monsoon xxx
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Weird weird world
Ok, I know I said I had nothing on my mind today, but I do now!
I have spent two hours watching two different progams on the Discovery channel, and it left me in total and utter astonishment and disbelief. Wow!
First it was a programme on something called "feeders". It's this subculture that is emerging where men feed their women into extreme obesity. They have fantasies of having the fattest girl in the world, and for her to be totally dependent on them. Some of these girls end up so fat that they become immobile. We saw a woman in the programme, and her husband too. He filmed her, and sold the videos online, to other "fans" of really really fat women. How vile! How degrading! Knowing that men all over the world are jerking off at your expence and unhappiness. Lying there in bed, only surrounded by a man who buys five tons of junkfood every day, to "please" you. At her heaviest this woman was 400 kilos, which is 880 pounds. Oh my god! You couldn't see where any bodily parts started or ended. Poor woman. She actually stood up for herself in the end, and had a gastric bypass, and has since then lost 189 kilos (416 pounds) . As she lost weight her husband complained and was revolted by her appearence, and they almost ended up divorcing. He missed being able to stick his hand under her "hipfat", and not being able to feel the end at all. Who wants that!? And I don't mean to say that fat girls can't be sexy. I know that some people find me attractive, in spite of my fat body. One can be sexy if one's fat, that's what I want to say. Sexy lies in the feeling within, feeling sexy, acting sexy and sensual, it's a state, it's a sense, it's confidence in yourself, it's not being afraid of your body or your femininity/masculinity, it's being free, it's not being embarrassed of your wantonness, and much more.
I don't get this. Not at all? What makes women accept this? I am obese, but I would never let myself to be used or abused in any way.
"You can hold somebody prisoner in a house or in a cellar, or you can hold them prisoner in their own body"
It's past midnight now, so I will address the other progamme tomorrow.
Love xxx
I have spent two hours watching two different progams on the Discovery channel, and it left me in total and utter astonishment and disbelief. Wow!
First it was a programme on something called "feeders". It's this subculture that is emerging where men feed their women into extreme obesity. They have fantasies of having the fattest girl in the world, and for her to be totally dependent on them. Some of these girls end up so fat that they become immobile. We saw a woman in the programme, and her husband too. He filmed her, and sold the videos online, to other "fans" of really really fat women. How vile! How degrading! Knowing that men all over the world are jerking off at your expence and unhappiness. Lying there in bed, only surrounded by a man who buys five tons of junkfood every day, to "please" you. At her heaviest this woman was 400 kilos, which is 880 pounds. Oh my god! You couldn't see where any bodily parts started or ended. Poor woman. She actually stood up for herself in the end, and had a gastric bypass, and has since then lost 189 kilos (416 pounds) . As she lost weight her husband complained and was revolted by her appearence, and they almost ended up divorcing. He missed being able to stick his hand under her "hipfat", and not being able to feel the end at all. Who wants that!? And I don't mean to say that fat girls can't be sexy. I know that some people find me attractive, in spite of my fat body. One can be sexy if one's fat, that's what I want to say. Sexy lies in the feeling within, feeling sexy, acting sexy and sensual, it's a state, it's a sense, it's confidence in yourself, it's not being afraid of your body or your femininity/masculinity, it's being free, it's not being embarrassed of your wantonness, and much more.
I don't get this. Not at all? What makes women accept this? I am obese, but I would never let myself to be used or abused in any way.
Because this is abuse, isn't it? I think it is. Feeding these women into their fantasy. Sick! These women are most likely vulnerble, insecure women, who are longing for love and acceptance, and to take advantage of that... When these women meet someone who loves them, and who tells them they are sexy and attractive, despite their size, they get overjoyed with happiness. They are loved for who they are. Or so they thought...
"You can hold somebody prisoner in a house or in a cellar, or you can hold them prisoner in their own body"
It's past midnight now, so I will address the other progamme tomorrow.
Love xxx
Yet another boring day, in my, oh so exciting life.
Yesterday was so boring that by around 6 I was all ready to kill myself. Then I sat down and wrote in my diary, which is on my computer. Since September I have written a staggering 160 pages, and I am talking about computer written pages here. Man do I have writing needs!!
At a quarter to 7 I called my friend Stina. As it turned out she was bored beyond belief too, and also had a very "I am sooo lonely day" just like I was having. We decided I would go to her, even though she lives 50 kilometres away. I had to be speedy, the train would leave in 10 minutes. I washed my hair, packed a few things like my beloved "creative Zen micro" (Mp3 player...) and drove to the trainstation.
Stina and I had a great time. I love her! She has such a caring soul. We talked about lots of things, and as always sex came up... *lol* There is nothing I can't talk to her about, because she never judges. Neither do I... I am a very open person, gee have you all noticed!?? I like being open, beause I have noticed over the years that if I open up, it's easier for others to do the same. Communication can solve a lot, no doubt. Good communication that is.
So what have I been doing today? Not much. Woke up way to early for a Sunday, and tried to force sleep myself. Did not work. So then I just stayed in bed doing nothing special.
Later on I went to my parents and then I went to Hege. Came home, made dinner and watched a film. And here I am now. Writing boring stuff on blogger.
I will shut my gobshite now, because I am honestly too fecking boring today. Nothing interesting to say. I only have one thing on my mind, and I can't write about him continuously.
But I can mention that I have applied, online, to the University of Stavanger, to study "social work". I looked up the name of what I will become when I get my bachelor's degree, and the dictionary says: "medium-level sociologist". Who knows... I am excited, and yet, a bit scared too.
Monsoon,who is saying bye bye with two great quotes:
George Sand:
Whoever has loved, knows all that life contains of sorrow and of joy.
Roy Croft:
I love you
Not only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am with you
At a quarter to 7 I called my friend Stina. As it turned out she was bored beyond belief too, and also had a very "I am sooo lonely day" just like I was having. We decided I would go to her, even though she lives 50 kilometres away. I had to be speedy, the train would leave in 10 minutes. I washed my hair, packed a few things like my beloved "creative Zen micro" (Mp3 player...) and drove to the trainstation.
Stina and I had a great time. I love her! She has such a caring soul. We talked about lots of things, and as always sex came up... *lol* There is nothing I can't talk to her about, because she never judges. Neither do I... I am a very open person, gee have you all noticed!?? I like being open, beause I have noticed over the years that if I open up, it's easier for others to do the same. Communication can solve a lot, no doubt. Good communication that is.
So what have I been doing today? Not much. Woke up way to early for a Sunday, and tried to force sleep myself. Did not work. So then I just stayed in bed doing nothing special.
Later on I went to my parents and then I went to Hege. Came home, made dinner and watched a film. And here I am now. Writing boring stuff on blogger.
I will shut my gobshite now, because I am honestly too fecking boring today. Nothing interesting to say. I only have one thing on my mind, and I can't write about him continuously.
But I can mention that I have applied, online, to the University of Stavanger, to study "social work". I looked up the name of what I will become when I get my bachelor's degree, and the dictionary says: "medium-level sociologist". Who knows... I am excited, and yet, a bit scared too.
Monsoon,who is saying bye bye with two great quotes:
George Sand:
Whoever has loved, knows all that life contains of sorrow and of joy.
Roy Croft:
I love you
Not only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am with you
Friday, March 24, 2006
HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY TOR EGIL!! (my brother)
¡Hola amigos! ¿Qué tal?
Yes, I had Spanish mock today. I think it went ok, but it's all very stressing as I only have 1,5 hours to complete it. At that time they even expect an essay! I had no time to look for grammar mistakes after finishing it, and that is very vexing. Let's just hope it went well. And oh yeah; got a 5 on my math mock. I was very pleased, yet irritated because I had done some slips of the pen. Aarghh! When looking at in now I think; what the hell was I thinking? Who doesn't know how to find the acreage of a triangle? Apparently I don't. It is shocking to me that mistakes like that can be done. Cop on!!
Later on today I met Bob. After talking to him my body went into this trembling state, and my pulse was beating like I had been running for three years straight. When he smiles my heart skips a beat, and I am sure it even stops to collect itself from looking at that fine fine man...*lol* Oooh... He melts me. Could I want him more?!?
Had chinese take-away today, all alone. The food tasted superb though. Eva is at her boyfriend's. 6 weeks since they saw each other last. Poor guys!
I don't have more to say. I am a bit tired... Should go to bed, but there is something on the telly I want to see, and that starts at around midnight I think.
Hugs from Monsoon :-)
¡Hola amigos! ¿Qué tal?
Yes, I had Spanish mock today. I think it went ok, but it's all very stressing as I only have 1,5 hours to complete it. At that time they even expect an essay! I had no time to look for grammar mistakes after finishing it, and that is very vexing. Let's just hope it went well. And oh yeah; got a 5 on my math mock. I was very pleased, yet irritated because I had done some slips of the pen. Aarghh! When looking at in now I think; what the hell was I thinking? Who doesn't know how to find the acreage of a triangle? Apparently I don't. It is shocking to me that mistakes like that can be done. Cop on!!
Later on today I met Bob. After talking to him my body went into this trembling state, and my pulse was beating like I had been running for three years straight. When he smiles my heart skips a beat, and I am sure it even stops to collect itself from looking at that fine fine man...*lol* Oooh... He melts me. Could I want him more?!?
Had chinese take-away today, all alone. The food tasted superb though. Eva is at her boyfriend's. 6 weeks since they saw each other last. Poor guys!
I don't have more to say. I am a bit tired... Should go to bed, but there is something on the telly I want to see, and that starts at around midnight I think.
Hugs from Monsoon :-)
Thursday, March 23, 2006
And now for something completely different, or!?
Monday I talked to my ex-girlfriend, hereafter called IM. I was nervous, because I was going to try to get her talking about us and what we had. Well, not talk as in "I want you back", more like as in "I want to move forward".
I have never been able to ask for her forgiveness before. Other times I have tried to do so she has replied "bygones", in a most nonchalant voice, like it never meant anything to her.
But now that it's been 4 months since we really broke up, she was able to receive my apology. I cried afterwards. Cried because I was relieved and I felt that I could finally let her go. She is happy now, she has someone who wants the same in life as she does.
IM and I had a fantastic relationship in many ways, but it lacked some serious things as well. We had one really big disagreement, which was that she wanted children, and I didn't. To her this was really important, and she utterly needed kids in her life. As for me; not so much. I never wanted kids. (for the record; I love kids, and they totally love me, but I just don't want my own...) Compromise? No! One might compromise over a sofa, a car, and even a pet, but you just do not compromise over having a child or not.
To me there were other aspects with the relationship that weren't right. And for her too. But we always just kinda overlooked those problems, and never faced them. I think neither of us could imagine life without the other. We were soo close! And so damn addicted of each other's company. We never even once went shopping without the other one. A bit insane actually... But, like I've said before; we met at a very vulnerable time for both of us, and we needed that comfort during those years. But not anymore. We're stronger now, we're more confident, and we are ready to "face the enemy".
So then it happened. Just like that I fell in love with someone else. I never forget the day I realized that this is for real. Terror! Never in a million years had I thought this would happen to me. I am always so faithful, but now I found myself thinking about Bob 24-7. He was, and still is, on my mind all the fucking time. He must be tired from running up there in my brain. *lol*. Kidding aside; I felt terrible, but at the same time I felt great, and more alive since forever. The way he makes me feel, without us being involved at all, is unbelievable. He has given me faith in myself, and my own capability, and also that I'm worth the effort. It's very hard to explain. But he brings out the best in me, in all ways possible. And that is even without him saying or doing anything special. He has, at least before, told me that I am intelligent and well-spoken, and for some reason; when he says so, I believe it.
It was probably for the best that IM dumped me. I don't think any of us were totally happy with how things were. I now think that my crush gave us the right perspective, and it forced us to take a long hard look on what we had, and to whether we were content in the relationship or not. As is turned out; we weren't. For me a good sign that something is wrong is if one of you fall in love outside the relationship. If everything is grand you have no reason to look elsewhere. You don't shop around, unconsciously or deliberately, if you're truly happy where you are. Of course; crushes might occur in life, but when the crushes turn into love and last way too long for a crush, then it's time to take a look. And that doesn't necessarily mean that you should break up, obviously not. But to re-examine and to see what you might be lacking... Right? This is merely my opinion...
But I feel so much better after the talk on Monday. It's like a burden was taken off my shoulders. I am ready to really let go of her, and to appreciate what we had, and what we meant to each other those years.
I haven't seen her in almost 5 months now. But as atumn comes we have agreed to meet. You see she studies the same as I will be studying. She starts her second year as I start my first, and to meet in the halls at school for the first time in almost a year, would be too awkward.
Bob is still lovely. Just cut his hair, oh boy! So sexy! He is incomprehensibly fantastic as a person. I only wish I could have gotten to know him much better. Somehow I just feel hugely connected to him, even when no words are spoken. Peculiar...
I am in a good mood today. Hopefully the Spanish mock will go well tomorrow, better than the math. Fuck my silly dimwit brains that can't even do "percentage maths" right.
Monsoon *singing along to a song called Undiscovered*
Monday I talked to my ex-girlfriend, hereafter called IM. I was nervous, because I was going to try to get her talking about us and what we had. Well, not talk as in "I want you back", more like as in "I want to move forward".
I have never been able to ask for her forgiveness before. Other times I have tried to do so she has replied "bygones", in a most nonchalant voice, like it never meant anything to her.
But now that it's been 4 months since we really broke up, she was able to receive my apology. I cried afterwards. Cried because I was relieved and I felt that I could finally let her go. She is happy now, she has someone who wants the same in life as she does.
IM and I had a fantastic relationship in many ways, but it lacked some serious things as well. We had one really big disagreement, which was that she wanted children, and I didn't. To her this was really important, and she utterly needed kids in her life. As for me; not so much. I never wanted kids. (for the record; I love kids, and they totally love me, but I just don't want my own...) Compromise? No! One might compromise over a sofa, a car, and even a pet, but you just do not compromise over having a child or not.
To me there were other aspects with the relationship that weren't right. And for her too. But we always just kinda overlooked those problems, and never faced them. I think neither of us could imagine life without the other. We were soo close! And so damn addicted of each other's company. We never even once went shopping without the other one. A bit insane actually... But, like I've said before; we met at a very vulnerable time for both of us, and we needed that comfort during those years. But not anymore. We're stronger now, we're more confident, and we are ready to "face the enemy".
So then it happened. Just like that I fell in love with someone else. I never forget the day I realized that this is for real. Terror! Never in a million years had I thought this would happen to me. I am always so faithful, but now I found myself thinking about Bob 24-7. He was, and still is, on my mind all the fucking time. He must be tired from running up there in my brain. *lol*. Kidding aside; I felt terrible, but at the same time I felt great, and more alive since forever. The way he makes me feel, without us being involved at all, is unbelievable. He has given me faith in myself, and my own capability, and also that I'm worth the effort. It's very hard to explain. But he brings out the best in me, in all ways possible. And that is even without him saying or doing anything special. He has, at least before, told me that I am intelligent and well-spoken, and for some reason; when he says so, I believe it.
It was probably for the best that IM dumped me. I don't think any of us were totally happy with how things were. I now think that my crush gave us the right perspective, and it forced us to take a long hard look on what we had, and to whether we were content in the relationship or not. As is turned out; we weren't. For me a good sign that something is wrong is if one of you fall in love outside the relationship. If everything is grand you have no reason to look elsewhere. You don't shop around, unconsciously or deliberately, if you're truly happy where you are. Of course; crushes might occur in life, but when the crushes turn into love and last way too long for a crush, then it's time to take a look. And that doesn't necessarily mean that you should break up, obviously not. But to re-examine and to see what you might be lacking... Right? This is merely my opinion...
But I feel so much better after the talk on Monday. It's like a burden was taken off my shoulders. I am ready to really let go of her, and to appreciate what we had, and what we meant to each other those years.
I haven't seen her in almost 5 months now. But as atumn comes we have agreed to meet. You see she studies the same as I will be studying. She starts her second year as I start my first, and to meet in the halls at school for the first time in almost a year, would be too awkward.
Bob is still lovely. Just cut his hair, oh boy! So sexy! He is incomprehensibly fantastic as a person. I only wish I could have gotten to know him much better. Somehow I just feel hugely connected to him, even when no words are spoken. Peculiar...
I am in a good mood today. Hopefully the Spanish mock will go well tomorrow, better than the math. Fuck my silly dimwit brains that can't even do "percentage maths" right.
Monsoon *singing along to a song called Undiscovered*
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
A little regret
For those of you who have read, and understood as it was in Norwegian, my poem from yesterday's blogentry: I have now deleted it due to the fact that I regretted putting it in.
First of all it was way too personal, and second of all; my friends have showed concern for me after reading it. They all think I am suicidal, or at least severely depressed. And truth be told; I am neither!
The poem showed very strong emotions, sadness, grief and sorrow, and also frustration over the whole thing. As you all know by now, *lol*, I am totally into this man. And I am really so incredibly saddened by the fact that he can never be mine. On Sunday, while writing the poem, I was very darkened out. That way my feelings, put into writing, became very dramatic, intense and strong sounding. It's just like that when I write...
So dear friends: Do not worry. I am not depressed, nor suicidal. I am quite content and happy, with almost all aspects of my life. Ok!?!
Have worked out twice this week, and I will do so tomorrow as well. Very pleased! But as I love to dance, it's no bother what so ever. Ok then... honestly, sometimes it is. Some days when I wake up, working out isn't the first thing that springs to mind. My body feels really drowsy, heavy, fat, lazy, stiff, and "unbendable". *hihi* But then I tell myself to feck off, and to get my arse moving. Moving towards the wardrobe to find my work-out-clothes. And as obedient as I am, I do. Then I sigh, look in the mirror at my horror face with matching terror-like hairstyle, and yawn at my own boring self, before filling the water bottle and putting on loud kick ass music. Then I am all set to dance the fat off my body. Woohoo!!
If I am in the "paranoid" mood, I sometimes get a bit worried that someone is watching as I dance. Is there a camera behind that mirror? And that antique rocking chair there, is it as innocent as it looks? Is my own webcamera on, and I am broadcasting live and uncensored?!? I am a sight for eyes and minds that need a good laugh; red sweat pants, knickers and a bra, that's all. What if anyone can see me? Oh jaysis, I'd bleedin kill myself! Fear not; I utterly promise NOT to put a picture of myself in here. I don't want to scare you the hell out of here. *lol*
After my math thing today my friend Stina and I got talking, and we talked about sex for almost two hours. We are very good at such things. She just gets me when it comes to sex. And I don't feel like a "deviant horn-dog" while talking to her about it. God! Where is the fun in being single? Especially when you're not interested in flings of any sort... Which I am not! Life is dull, so dull it hurts, in that department. *lol*
I am off school. We're having a mock exam week at school, so the days that you don't have mock exams you're off. Well, I guess we're meant to study of course. I was supposed to have my math yesterday, but for personal reasons I took it today instead. I haven't a clue how I've done. But I am already thinking about some stuff I'm sure I have solved incorrectly. Bollix!! I tend to lose my head, just because it is a more serious test... So annoying! But I have to say that if I score lower than 4 I think all hope is lost for me to get a 5 on the final exam. So let's keep fingers crossed that I end up on at least 4.
I have most likely managed to drain myself from all the crappy writing I am good for, for one day, so I'll stop now.
I am in a good mood, uplifted and giddy. Tomorrow I will practice for my Spanish test on Friday.
Monsoooooooon :-)
First of all it was way too personal, and second of all; my friends have showed concern for me after reading it. They all think I am suicidal, or at least severely depressed. And truth be told; I am neither!
The poem showed very strong emotions, sadness, grief and sorrow, and also frustration over the whole thing. As you all know by now, *lol*, I am totally into this man. And I am really so incredibly saddened by the fact that he can never be mine. On Sunday, while writing the poem, I was very darkened out. That way my feelings, put into writing, became very dramatic, intense and strong sounding. It's just like that when I write...
So dear friends: Do not worry. I am not depressed, nor suicidal. I am quite content and happy, with almost all aspects of my life. Ok!?!
Have worked out twice this week, and I will do so tomorrow as well. Very pleased! But as I love to dance, it's no bother what so ever. Ok then... honestly, sometimes it is. Some days when I wake up, working out isn't the first thing that springs to mind. My body feels really drowsy, heavy, fat, lazy, stiff, and "unbendable". *hihi* But then I tell myself to feck off, and to get my arse moving. Moving towards the wardrobe to find my work-out-clothes. And as obedient as I am, I do. Then I sigh, look in the mirror at my horror face with matching terror-like hairstyle, and yawn at my own boring self, before filling the water bottle and putting on loud kick ass music. Then I am all set to dance the fat off my body. Woohoo!!
If I am in the "paranoid" mood, I sometimes get a bit worried that someone is watching as I dance. Is there a camera behind that mirror? And that antique rocking chair there, is it as innocent as it looks? Is my own webcamera on, and I am broadcasting live and uncensored?!? I am a sight for eyes and minds that need a good laugh; red sweat pants, knickers and a bra, that's all. What if anyone can see me? Oh jaysis, I'd bleedin kill myself! Fear not; I utterly promise NOT to put a picture of myself in here. I don't want to scare you the hell out of here. *lol*
After my math thing today my friend Stina and I got talking, and we talked about sex for almost two hours. We are very good at such things. She just gets me when it comes to sex. And I don't feel like a "deviant horn-dog" while talking to her about it. God! Where is the fun in being single? Especially when you're not interested in flings of any sort... Which I am not! Life is dull, so dull it hurts, in that department. *lol*
I am off school. We're having a mock exam week at school, so the days that you don't have mock exams you're off. Well, I guess we're meant to study of course. I was supposed to have my math yesterday, but for personal reasons I took it today instead. I haven't a clue how I've done. But I am already thinking about some stuff I'm sure I have solved incorrectly. Bollix!! I tend to lose my head, just because it is a more serious test... So annoying! But I have to say that if I score lower than 4 I think all hope is lost for me to get a 5 on the final exam. So let's keep fingers crossed that I end up on at least 4.
I have most likely managed to drain myself from all the crappy writing I am good for, for one day, so I'll stop now.
I am in a good mood, uplifted and giddy. Tomorrow I will practice for my Spanish test on Friday.
Monsoooooooon :-)
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Some favourite female singers
Ashlee Simpson "Autobiography" "I am me"
Rachel Fuller "Cigarettes and housework"
some brilliant demos that can be found here:
http://iacmusic.com/Artist.aspx?ID=34727
+ some co-written with Pete Townshend
Aneta Langerova - Czech singer Her album: "Spousta Andelú"
Dolores O'Riordan from Cranberries
"Everybody else is doing it so why can't we"
"No need to argue"
"Bury the hatchet"
"Wake up and smell the coffee"
"To the faithful departed"
Shirley Manson from Garbage
"Garbage"
"Bleed like me"
"Beautiful garbage"
"Version 2.0"
Kate Bush
Too many albums to mention. But she is great!
Sonique"Hear my cry"
Alanis Morissette
"Jagged little pill"
"Supposed former infatuation junkie"
"Under rug swept"
"So-called chaos"
+ MTV-unplugged
Monday, March 20, 2006
Just for fun, I took this test
| Your Personality Is |
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/ |
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Let my love open the door
What a great song that is. Yes, I know I probably have said that like a million times before, but it's just that I totally love it. The lyrics, Pete's voice and the music too.
I've had a very musical day. Danced like crazy, doing my happy dancing, to a song called lala. Of all people it's a Ashlee Simpson song, but it's great, and it gets me in a great mood. Although feeling happy, I have felt very deep, thoughtful, melancholic and philosophic. I have found myself questioning everything around me. I have discussed history, my sad love life, the middle east conflict, astrology, occultism, ghosts and haunting, the afterlife, space and that whole question of "are we alone here", to which I don't think so.., and also the "unanswerable" questions: Why am I here, does my life have a purpose, is there something I am destined for, and will I find my path eventually?
Also I have thought about why I was to fall in love with Bob? Am I supposed to learn from this experience, and in that case; what the fuck is the learning? Why did life have to show me this person, and all his greatness, only to tell me that you can't have it? Am I not worthy of feeling and receiving such love for anyone. Such care, such strong feelings that makes me just want to scream! He makes me want to take him home and just be good to him, you know...
This Friday I was asking him about something, and I was leaning towards his desk. I nearly put my arm around him standing there... It feels so natural to me that I should be doing such a thing. I can't understand it. I have never been near him, I haven't even given him a hug.
It all very weird, indeed it is!
It's good to know though; time heals everything, and in the future he will be a memory, but a very memorable one I might add...
Forgot to say that I also got myself a new coat for outer wear yesterday. I have worn the same one for 4,5 years now, every bloody day, so it was about time I got a new one. It looks a bit similar, only not as worn out. Woohoo! It is two sizes smaller than the old one, and if it wasn't for my boobs I could have bought an even smaller size. They are great, I am not complaining, but they are a bit annoying sometimes... *lol*
I should go to bed. Long day ahead of me, doing tons of maths for my mock exam this week.
Love from Monsoon
I've had a very musical day. Danced like crazy, doing my happy dancing, to a song called lala. Of all people it's a Ashlee Simpson song, but it's great, and it gets me in a great mood. Although feeling happy, I have felt very deep, thoughtful, melancholic and philosophic. I have found myself questioning everything around me. I have discussed history, my sad love life, the middle east conflict, astrology, occultism, ghosts and haunting, the afterlife, space and that whole question of "are we alone here", to which I don't think so.., and also the "unanswerable" questions: Why am I here, does my life have a purpose, is there something I am destined for, and will I find my path eventually?
Also I have thought about why I was to fall in love with Bob? Am I supposed to learn from this experience, and in that case; what the fuck is the learning? Why did life have to show me this person, and all his greatness, only to tell me that you can't have it? Am I not worthy of feeling and receiving such love for anyone. Such care, such strong feelings that makes me just want to scream! He makes me want to take him home and just be good to him, you know...
This Friday I was asking him about something, and I was leaning towards his desk. I nearly put my arm around him standing there... It feels so natural to me that I should be doing such a thing. I can't understand it. I have never been near him, I haven't even given him a hug.
It all very weird, indeed it is!
It's good to know though; time heals everything, and in the future he will be a memory, but a very memorable one I might add...
Forgot to say that I also got myself a new coat for outer wear yesterday. I have worn the same one for 4,5 years now, every bloody day, so it was about time I got a new one. It looks a bit similar, only not as worn out. Woohoo! It is two sizes smaller than the old one, and if it wasn't for my boobs I could have bought an even smaller size. They are great, I am not complaining, but they are a bit annoying sometimes... *lol*
I should go to bed. Long day ahead of me, doing tons of maths for my mock exam this week.
Love from Monsoon
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Shopping; for once shockingly pleasant
Yes, you read correctly. It actually was pleasant, and that was thanks to the saleswoman at the shop I was at today. Remember I told you I had ordered clothes online for that wedding? Well, tried them on, and they were "out of this world way too big" for me. I don't know how to describe it, but mum and I roared laughing. The tank top, or should I say dress, was so big that the V-neck showed my entire cleavage, and bra. In other words it showed most of my boobs.. Oh, the funny sight!! The suit coat looked like a sack, especially since the fabric was thick linen. I looked like a huge sack of potatoes, with a human being inside of it. As you can imagine, insanely flattering. Oh bollix, I should have taken pics. You would have enjoyed the sight.
In spite of having to send them all back; it was pleasurable too. It's not every day I come upon clothes that are too big for me. *lol*
Anyhow, this morning my parents and I set out on a mission impossible, or so we thought...
"Find clothes for fat daughter." We went to a large shopping centre called "Kvadrat". Dad went to Clas Ohlson, which is a store that has everything that is exciting in this world. While mum and I went clothes shopping. I much rather would have wanted to go with dad... But, as it turned out the shopping wasn't stressing at all. The clerk was so helpful, and she wasn't at all judgmental of my size. I ended it with a beautiful v-neck top that had "fake diamond thingys" around the neck area. It was soo nice, and not too feminine, cause that would have had me in a fit! Also got a woman's suit coat. I have black trousers with white stripes, plus high heeled shoes to go with the rest. I think I will look quite good. The high heels aren't too high, and the heel is quite broad, otherwise I wouldn't be able to walk in them, as I'm so not used to wearing shoes with heels...
But now I will have to make dinner. It's almost 6 in the evening, and I am going to a friend's at 8.
Might write more later on....
Bob was gorgeous yesterday by the way.... Man is he great!
Monsoon :-)
In spite of having to send them all back; it was pleasurable too. It's not every day I come upon clothes that are too big for me. *lol*
Anyhow, this morning my parents and I set out on a mission impossible, or so we thought...
"Find clothes for fat daughter." We went to a large shopping centre called "Kvadrat". Dad went to Clas Ohlson, which is a store that has everything that is exciting in this world. While mum and I went clothes shopping. I much rather would have wanted to go with dad... But, as it turned out the shopping wasn't stressing at all. The clerk was so helpful, and she wasn't at all judgmental of my size. I ended it with a beautiful v-neck top that had "fake diamond thingys" around the neck area. It was soo nice, and not too feminine, cause that would have had me in a fit! Also got a woman's suit coat. I have black trousers with white stripes, plus high heeled shoes to go with the rest. I think I will look quite good. The high heels aren't too high, and the heel is quite broad, otherwise I wouldn't be able to walk in them, as I'm so not used to wearing shoes with heels...
But now I will have to make dinner. It's almost 6 in the evening, and I am going to a friend's at 8.
Might write more later on....
Bob was gorgeous yesterday by the way.... Man is he great!
Monsoon :-)
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Great day for mail...
*LOL* It is rarely any fun to look into the mailbox, right... Today, however, I found three great things in there, and no boring stuff at all. I found Coldplay's X&Y that I had ordered at PLAY.com, (limited edition, which contains an extra cd with 6 tracks on it) my history magazine, and the clothes I had ordered for the wedding I am attending on April 8th. (One of my all time best friends Irene is getting married to her love Arne)
So here I am. Just had dinner, sat down in front of the computer, as usual, and I am now listening to the new Coldplay cd. Lovely!
My computer is my life, almost. It is a sad sad truth. Don't know what I would do without it. It's my life companion... Until something better comes along, I am loving this. *lol*
Yesterday was Rachel Fuller's "In the attic" again. It was a hilarious and bleedin great episode. They had brought to the attic a very talented girl called Helen Boulding. She sounded fantastic, and I will definitely be on the outlook for her cd when it comes out. Check her out: http://www.helenboulding.com/flash.html
I am so mad that I won't be able to go to any of the concerts The Who and Rachel with "In the attic on the road" are having. Two of my upper most favourites in music on the same day. Yeah I know; it would be too good to be true, especially for me. I am not one of the luckiest persons on earth. It's said that if you have no luck in games/betting, you should be lucky in love... Noooot really no... I am unlucky in both departments, believe me. I realized my unluck in gaming/betting when I was 20. Here is why:
I worked at the local newsagent's and had bought myself the two last scratch cards we had left. The I gave out to myself, cause I thought I spent to much money on such things, so I took one of the cards and I put it back. Of course I didn't win! Five minutes later a young man came in and bought the one I had rejected. He won. And he won himself the nice sum of 25 000 kroner. (which is about £ 2500) 12 years ago that was a lot of money for me, and it still is... I got mental, and my mom's head nearly exploded when I told her. So I don't know why I bother to play the lotto. I haven't won anything... Wait a minute, I think I actually won one of those hand sized vacuum cleaners, but that was ages ago. And I was too young to appreciate it.
Meanwhile, I am quite happy today. Still longing, still craving, still wanting him. It's like he absorbs me. I am so dreading the day that undoubtedly will come. And by that I mean the day that I have to say bye bye for the last time to him. I can't imagine it. I choke! The saddest thing is that to him it will be a true relief to see me go. But for me; sorrow in the 10th power!
Maybe I should kidnap him? Aaaah no, it would be such a hassle with all the police and stuff, plus going to jail doesn't fit into my plans for higher education. Well, in fact; people do get their diplomas in jail, don't they? I am just rambling on here. Needless to say; I am kidding!! I am not "psycho in the head", so you don't have to don't turn me in... *laughing*
Well, maybe I should shut up now. I'll write in my diary, cause I can write about all that crap and emotions that my brain contains. I need some thoughts to myself too you know.
Take care, and until next time; be good, be naughty/bold, be daring, be real, be different, be flirty, be yourself, be someone else, be spontaneous, and be unconventional!
Monsoon ;-) *wink wink*
*Don't you go dying on me* - Ace Ventura to old lady in wheelchair
So here I am. Just had dinner, sat down in front of the computer, as usual, and I am now listening to the new Coldplay cd. Lovely!
My computer is my life, almost. It is a sad sad truth. Don't know what I would do without it. It's my life companion... Until something better comes along, I am loving this. *lol*
Yesterday was Rachel Fuller's "In the attic" again. It was a hilarious and bleedin great episode. They had brought to the attic a very talented girl called Helen Boulding. She sounded fantastic, and I will definitely be on the outlook for her cd when it comes out. Check her out: http://www.helenboulding.com/flash.html
I am so mad that I won't be able to go to any of the concerts The Who and Rachel with "In the attic on the road" are having. Two of my upper most favourites in music on the same day. Yeah I know; it would be too good to be true, especially for me. I am not one of the luckiest persons on earth. It's said that if you have no luck in games/betting, you should be lucky in love... Noooot really no... I am unlucky in both departments, believe me. I realized my unluck in gaming/betting when I was 20. Here is why:
I worked at the local newsagent's and had bought myself the two last scratch cards we had left. The I gave out to myself, cause I thought I spent to much money on such things, so I took one of the cards and I put it back. Of course I didn't win! Five minutes later a young man came in and bought the one I had rejected. He won. And he won himself the nice sum of 25 000 kroner. (which is about £ 2500) 12 years ago that was a lot of money for me, and it still is... I got mental, and my mom's head nearly exploded when I told her. So I don't know why I bother to play the lotto. I haven't won anything... Wait a minute, I think I actually won one of those hand sized vacuum cleaners, but that was ages ago. And I was too young to appreciate it.
Meanwhile, I am quite happy today. Still longing, still craving, still wanting him. It's like he absorbs me. I am so dreading the day that undoubtedly will come. And by that I mean the day that I have to say bye bye for the last time to him. I can't imagine it. I choke! The saddest thing is that to him it will be a true relief to see me go. But for me; sorrow in the 10th power!
Maybe I should kidnap him? Aaaah no, it would be such a hassle with all the police and stuff, plus going to jail doesn't fit into my plans for higher education. Well, in fact; people do get their diplomas in jail, don't they? I am just rambling on here. Needless to say; I am kidding!! I am not "psycho in the head", so you don't have to don't turn me in... *laughing*
Well, maybe I should shut up now. I'll write in my diary, cause I can write about all that crap and emotions that my brain contains. I need some thoughts to myself too you know.
Take care, and until next time; be good, be naughty/bold, be daring, be real, be different, be flirty, be yourself, be someone else, be spontaneous, and be unconventional!
Monsoon ;-) *wink wink*
*Don't you go dying on me* - Ace Ventura to old lady in wheelchair
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Some thoughts about...
HAPPY 31st BIRTHDAY TO RØNNAUG !!!
A new book is coming out in Norway these days. It is about women and their wantonness. Hmm... It will probably be funny and informative to read, but do we really need to read about other girls' fantasies and other girls being horny? Do we need a book to tell us that it is ok to be a woman and being horny?
I have talked about sex with millions of people (ok, a tad exaggerated...) at different stages of their lives. Talked to elderly people, teenagers, friends, relatives, parents, "strangers", and more. And the impression I am stuck with is that it still is embarrassing for a woman to be honest about her sexuality. Why, oh why? Why is it ok for a man to admit up to being horny most of the day, but not for a woman? Why is it ok for a man to watch porn, while women feel the urge to disguise porn with the words "erotic films". Why is masturbation "just like shaving" for guys, but still a bit taboo for women. If a woman has had several sexual partners, she is a slut, but if a man should be so lucky, he is considered a stud.
I don't get this. Why should it be necessary for women to "hide" their true self? I think that is a tragedy. Really it is. Sometimes I almost feel that society doesn't want us to be horny. It's not decent. Fuck decent! I think it's about time we girls take back our sexuality, our lust, our longings, and our right to be proud of being sexual beings. And by that I don't mean dressing like ho's or acting loose. There's sexual, and there's too sexual.
I am a woman, and I admit that I am horny almost non-stop. I think about sex like a million times a day, but that doesn't mean that I don't get other things done. Of course I do! I watch porn sometimes, and masturbating is like brushing my teeth. It is a necessity! (and whether in a relationship or not; no difference in the frequency) I have the naughtiest fantasies ever, and I love sex. Does this make me a slut? No, I am no slut. I am a normal human being with urges, lusts and wantonness. The difference between me and some others is that I am not afraid to admit this, nor am I embarrassed by it. And to be honest; I like the sexual me.
I am so glad that my parents taught me to become this inhibited and open person. It helps me every day!
But although I am like this I have had few partners. Why? Because I need to be connected, in love or really utterly attracted to someone who I also trust, before engaging in sexual activity. That is just me. And I don't fall seriously that easy.
Books like this one, "Rosa prosa - pink prose", will definitely help and inform many women, and also amuse. Those who need to, will see that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and that many feel the same way they do about these things. So I guess that books about women's wantonness is welcomed. Maybe men should read it, it might teach them a thing or two about the way we think, fantasize, long and lust sexually... You never know. *lol*
Enough about that. Not very well thought through, and probably so NOT well written, but I blame it on the lateness of the day. I just felt like airing this a little bit...
Plus; Oh my God was Bob lovely today. He was so funny that I had to mind myself for not laughing too much. It would seem silly. But he totally cracks me up. One of the funniest persons I've ever met, no doubt. And he looked really sexy too. So good that I wanted nothing more than to plant a soft kiss on his lips. I will of course never do this, as he is very married... Oh darn it! *lol*
I should perhaps go to bed now. I mean; I am tired.
Monsoon :-)
A new book is coming out in Norway these days. It is about women and their wantonness. Hmm... It will probably be funny and informative to read, but do we really need to read about other girls' fantasies and other girls being horny? Do we need a book to tell us that it is ok to be a woman and being horny?
I have talked about sex with millions of people (ok, a tad exaggerated...) at different stages of their lives. Talked to elderly people, teenagers, friends, relatives, parents, "strangers", and more. And the impression I am stuck with is that it still is embarrassing for a woman to be honest about her sexuality. Why, oh why? Why is it ok for a man to admit up to being horny most of the day, but not for a woman? Why is it ok for a man to watch porn, while women feel the urge to disguise porn with the words "erotic films". Why is masturbation "just like shaving" for guys, but still a bit taboo for women. If a woman has had several sexual partners, she is a slut, but if a man should be so lucky, he is considered a stud.
I don't get this. Why should it be necessary for women to "hide" their true self? I think that is a tragedy. Really it is. Sometimes I almost feel that society doesn't want us to be horny. It's not decent. Fuck decent! I think it's about time we girls take back our sexuality, our lust, our longings, and our right to be proud of being sexual beings. And by that I don't mean dressing like ho's or acting loose. There's sexual, and there's too sexual.
Our sexual drive is the second biggest drive, next to our instinct of self-preservation. No wonder it takes up so much of our thoughts and actions.
I can't speak for all women, as I am only one person. But I will say this:
I am a woman, and I admit that I am horny almost non-stop. I think about sex like a million times a day, but that doesn't mean that I don't get other things done. Of course I do! I watch porn sometimes, and masturbating is like brushing my teeth. It is a necessity! (and whether in a relationship or not; no difference in the frequency) I have the naughtiest fantasies ever, and I love sex. Does this make me a slut? No, I am no slut. I am a normal human being with urges, lusts and wantonness. The difference between me and some others is that I am not afraid to admit this, nor am I embarrassed by it. And to be honest; I like the sexual me.
I am so glad that my parents taught me to become this inhibited and open person. It helps me every day!
But although I am like this I have had few partners. Why? Because I need to be connected, in love or really utterly attracted to someone who I also trust, before engaging in sexual activity. That is just me. And I don't fall seriously that easy.
Books like this one, "Rosa prosa - pink prose", will definitely help and inform many women, and also amuse. Those who need to, will see that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and that many feel the same way they do about these things. So I guess that books about women's wantonness is welcomed. Maybe men should read it, it might teach them a thing or two about the way we think, fantasize, long and lust sexually... You never know. *lol*
Enough about that. Not very well thought through, and probably so NOT well written, but I blame it on the lateness of the day. I just felt like airing this a little bit...
Plus; Oh my God was Bob lovely today. He was so funny that I had to mind myself for not laughing too much. It would seem silly. But he totally cracks me up. One of the funniest persons I've ever met, no doubt. And he looked really sexy too. So good that I wanted nothing more than to plant a soft kiss on his lips. I will of course never do this, as he is very married... Oh darn it! *lol*
I should perhaps go to bed now. I mean; I am tired.
Monsoon :-)
Monday, March 13, 2006
One happy girl
FINALLY I have started to loose weight again. Yess, yess, yess!!!!
Not much, but it's a start. I am so grateful and exceedingly proud of myself for sticking to it, and for not loosing all hope. This is the reward for surviving last week's terror.
I've hardly lost any weight at all since the beginning of this year.
When stepping unto the scale today it showed 700 grams less than Thursday. Which is about 1,5 pounds. I have 1,7 kilos to go till I am under a certain number. Can't wait. It's been ages since I was there!
I am really thrilled and content today. All ready to face the math homework for tomorrow.
And I am having chicken tandoori with a green salad for dinner today. Yummy!
I am so glad that I feel like screaming out! I have to listen to some feel-good music, and sing out loud. Nobody is home underneath, they're at work and school, so nobody will hear me. Not that I would care; my voice is fine.
Hugs from a really delighted Monsoon :-)
Not much, but it's a start. I am so grateful and exceedingly proud of myself for sticking to it, and for not loosing all hope. This is the reward for surviving last week's terror.
I've hardly lost any weight at all since the beginning of this year.
When stepping unto the scale today it showed 700 grams less than Thursday. Which is about 1,5 pounds. I have 1,7 kilos to go till I am under a certain number. Can't wait. It's been ages since I was there!
I am really thrilled and content today. All ready to face the math homework for tomorrow.
And I am having chicken tandoori with a green salad for dinner today. Yummy!
I am so glad that I feel like screaming out! I have to listen to some feel-good music, and sing out loud. Nobody is home underneath, they're at work and school, so nobody will hear me. Not that I would care; my voice is fine.
Hugs from a really delighted Monsoon :-)
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Boring, that's what I am, sorry!
There; the fish au gratin is in the oven cooking. Ready to be eaten within the hour. I am hungry. Can't wait to eat.
I love food. Can you totally tell by the way I look? *lol* No, I blame my fatness for sweets alone, no doubt about that.
Just had Rønnaug on a visit. We have talked and enjoyed ourselves. Nice to see her. And Rønnaug; I can't wait for our Friday night "date" with homemade pizza and U2's "Rattle and Hum" film blasting on your fantastic stereo!!! U2 is best while listened to very loudly! It's been far too long since we have"loved and enjoyed" music together like that. Don't you agree?
I am feeling so much better today. Still, the craving is there, but it's not eating me up like it was yesterday. Have slept very little though. Restless, and I woke up several times during the night. Dreamt about Bob. One of the dreams was unbelievable, as I dreamt that we kissed, and also some more. Yeah, I can dream, can't I? I am glad that my dreams treat me well at least... *lol* Also hope that me dreaming about my teacher is over. I mean I'm not into him like that at all. Why do we dream sexual dreams of persons that we obviously never would want in real life? I find that strange.
Ok the following is in Norwegian. It is a poem my brother wrote to his girlfriend in 2000. It is beautiful I think. He was almost 20 when he wrote it.
Jeg elsker deg. Mitt hjerte har deg.
Med deg, er jeg meg, fullstendig
I deg er jeg følsom og svak
Hendene dine søker meg
Jeg faller til ro
Du har gjort meg til ro
I deg kan jeg sveve. Takk, du er alt.
Jeg elsker deg. Søker jeg deg, er du der.
Ser meg, jeg vet du ser meg
Du kan bygge meg til tårn
Men knekke meg som strå
Jeg faller til ro i deg
Du lar meg falle til ro hos deg
Stryker deg. Varme. Takk, du er alt.
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du har gjort meg til meg
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du er du, i deg
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du gjør dråper om til hav
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du er min
Jeg elsker deg. Du er alt
Well, I don't that much to say. I'm kinda boring these days. Must try to retrieve my funny self. I think I lost it there a few months ago.
Talking about funny. I would love to see "Monty Python's live at Hollywood Bowl" again. I haven't seen it in ages, and it is so funny. I laugh so hard that I almost wet myself *giggle*
Imagine a swimcontest for people who can't swim, and a marathon for the incontinent...
Gotta love those guys! Say no more! Eric Idle had the funniest face... hehe... And since I am useless as it comes to comedy at the moment, here's something from Monty Python instead:
Sit on my face - what a lovely song, eh?!? *lol*
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you moralize,When I'm between your thighs;
You blow me away!
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
And we'll sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,'
Till we're blown away!
Monsoon :-)
I love food. Can you totally tell by the way I look? *lol* No, I blame my fatness for sweets alone, no doubt about that.
Just had Rønnaug on a visit. We have talked and enjoyed ourselves. Nice to see her. And Rønnaug; I can't wait for our Friday night "date" with homemade pizza and U2's "Rattle and Hum" film blasting on your fantastic stereo!!! U2 is best while listened to very loudly! It's been far too long since we have"loved and enjoyed" music together like that. Don't you agree?
I am feeling so much better today. Still, the craving is there, but it's not eating me up like it was yesterday. Have slept very little though. Restless, and I woke up several times during the night. Dreamt about Bob. One of the dreams was unbelievable, as I dreamt that we kissed, and also some more. Yeah, I can dream, can't I? I am glad that my dreams treat me well at least... *lol* Also hope that me dreaming about my teacher is over. I mean I'm not into him like that at all. Why do we dream sexual dreams of persons that we obviously never would want in real life? I find that strange.
Ok the following is in Norwegian. It is a poem my brother wrote to his girlfriend in 2000. It is beautiful I think. He was almost 20 when he wrote it.
Jeg elsker deg. Mitt hjerte har deg.
Med deg, er jeg meg, fullstendig
I deg er jeg følsom og svak
Hendene dine søker meg
Jeg faller til ro
Du har gjort meg til ro
I deg kan jeg sveve. Takk, du er alt.
Jeg elsker deg. Søker jeg deg, er du der.
Ser meg, jeg vet du ser meg
Du kan bygge meg til tårn
Men knekke meg som strå
Jeg faller til ro i deg
Du lar meg falle til ro hos deg
Stryker deg. Varme. Takk, du er alt.
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du har gjort meg til meg
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du er du, i deg
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du gjør dråper om til hav
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du er min
Jeg elsker deg. Du er alt
Well, I don't that much to say. I'm kinda boring these days. Must try to retrieve my funny self. I think I lost it there a few months ago.
Talking about funny. I would love to see "Monty Python's live at Hollywood Bowl" again. I haven't seen it in ages, and it is so funny. I laugh so hard that I almost wet myself *giggle*
Imagine a swimcontest for people who can't swim, and a marathon for the incontinent...
Gotta love those guys! Say no more! Eric Idle had the funniest face... hehe... And since I am useless as it comes to comedy at the moment, here's something from Monty Python instead:
Sit on my face - what a lovely song, eh?!? *lol*
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you moralize,When I'm between your thighs;
You blow me away!
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
And we'll sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,'
Till we're blown away!
Monsoon :-)
Saturday, March 11, 2006
My hundredth blogentry; a poem I know by heart
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
W. H. Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Aaahh.... How well he describes love, and also loss. One of the few poems I know by heart.
W. H. Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Aaahh.... How well he describes love, and also loss. One of the few poems I know by heart.
Stressed, but happy too.
What a day. I am an emotional wreck right now. For fuck sake, give me a break. This last week has been true torture as my to my cravings for sweets. Every day has been a struggle to avoid going to Narvesen (it's like 7-11) to buy sweets. From school to the trainstation I have to walk by two of these kiosks. I can just feel the urge to run in and buy ten bars of chocolate, but I haven't given in to the urge. I have been strong. And for that I applaud myself!
But the worst day has been today. I have been aggressive, "high", restless and could not sit still, and my mind was filled with one thought, (for a change this wasn't Bob) and that was sweets. I have felt mad, out of control, weird, disgusting, hateful over my own "madness", sick and tired of the whole thing. I just want to have a normal relationship with sweets. How come that isn't achievable? It probably is, but at days like this everything seems impossible.
Eva was here, and she said to me: You're a bit crazy. Yeah I know. But; it's been months since the urge was this big, and that shows that the addiction is not as strong as it used to be. A little over a year ago I had days like this at least 5 days a week. Horrible!
So for the positive: I was able to not buy or eat sweets today. I didn't drive up to the kiosk to buy some of my "drugs". Yea! I am so glad Eva was here. I think I would have gone even more insane without her. Thanks sweety!
One funny thing over the past year has been that the very thought of Bob has made me not want to eat all the time. He just, without knowing it, makes me want to take care of myself. And somehow he makes me feel like I'm worth it. Don't know why, but I am grateful anyways. He is the most wonderful man ever. I should be so lucky as to be with him for the rest of my life. But, that's never going to happen. I hope though, that I might find someone similar, someone else who brings out the best in me. There's so much more to him than that of course... I am not very optimistic, I have to admit that. I mean, it took me 30,5 years to find my dream. So how long will it take for me to find someone who I can be half as attracted to, that I really really like, and who makes me feel the way he does? Hmm...
I hope I'm not a hopeless case.
But, at least I'm doing great at school. I got a 5 + on my most dreaded mathtest. (6 is the best). I was very pleased, cause I never thought I would get such a good grade. I am very glad that I spent Thursday doing maths, cause that gave my quite a few aha-experiences, and I finally understood some of it. Had Spanish oral test too. I was just in-between a 5 and a 6. There is just that little extra needed for the 6, and I just know that I can do it. I am usually very good at speaking like that. It's just that I've just learned Spanish since September, and it's not all that easy to show brilliance as a speaker when you're so fresh in the language. I hope I'll get there!
My mum told me yesterday how proud she was of me, and of my scholar achievements. That meant a lot to me. It's great feeling intelligent. I have never thought of myself as a very smart person before. But that's something the last year has taught me as well. I can do anything. Of course, that's Bob's doing too. *lol* He is a magician.
I am now gong into the livingroom to read in my history magazine that I've had no time for lately.
Hugs and love from Monsoon, who thankfully is back to normal now... Phew!
But the worst day has been today. I have been aggressive, "high", restless and could not sit still, and my mind was filled with one thought, (for a change this wasn't Bob) and that was sweets. I have felt mad, out of control, weird, disgusting, hateful over my own "madness", sick and tired of the whole thing. I just want to have a normal relationship with sweets. How come that isn't achievable? It probably is, but at days like this everything seems impossible.
Eva was here, and she said to me: You're a bit crazy. Yeah I know. But; it's been months since the urge was this big, and that shows that the addiction is not as strong as it used to be. A little over a year ago I had days like this at least 5 days a week. Horrible!
So for the positive: I was able to not buy or eat sweets today. I didn't drive up to the kiosk to buy some of my "drugs". Yea! I am so glad Eva was here. I think I would have gone even more insane without her. Thanks sweety!
One funny thing over the past year has been that the very thought of Bob has made me not want to eat all the time. He just, without knowing it, makes me want to take care of myself. And somehow he makes me feel like I'm worth it. Don't know why, but I am grateful anyways. He is the most wonderful man ever. I should be so lucky as to be with him for the rest of my life. But, that's never going to happen. I hope though, that I might find someone similar, someone else who brings out the best in me. There's so much more to him than that of course... I am not very optimistic, I have to admit that. I mean, it took me 30,5 years to find my dream. So how long will it take for me to find someone who I can be half as attracted to, that I really really like, and who makes me feel the way he does? Hmm...
I hope I'm not a hopeless case.
But, at least I'm doing great at school. I got a 5 + on my most dreaded mathtest. (6 is the best). I was very pleased, cause I never thought I would get such a good grade. I am very glad that I spent Thursday doing maths, cause that gave my quite a few aha-experiences, and I finally understood some of it. Had Spanish oral test too. I was just in-between a 5 and a 6. There is just that little extra needed for the 6, and I just know that I can do it. I am usually very good at speaking like that. It's just that I've just learned Spanish since September, and it's not all that easy to show brilliance as a speaker when you're so fresh in the language. I hope I'll get there!
My mum told me yesterday how proud she was of me, and of my scholar achievements. That meant a lot to me. It's great feeling intelligent. I have never thought of myself as a very smart person before. But that's something the last year has taught me as well. I can do anything. Of course, that's Bob's doing too. *lol* He is a magician.
I am now gong into the livingroom to read in my history magazine that I've had no time for lately.
Hugs and love from Monsoon, who thankfully is back to normal now... Phew!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
My mind feels blank
I am totally wrecked right now. Wouldn't going to bed be a good idea then? To me, no... I think I am unable to go to bed early. It's some form of genetic error that causes me to always going to bed way too late.
The reason why I am so tired is that I have been doing maths for the whole bleedin day. Went in earlier to school so that I could get more done. After my Spanish class I continued with my maths. Came home, made salmon for dinner, ate it, and went straight into my combined office/studyroom/computer room/2nd bedroom and did maths until about 10 minutes ago. I had so much catching up to do. I do hope I will be able to solve some of the test tomorrow. I am dreading it, sooo much.
Ok, I have to make one remark about Bob, a very silly one... But may I just say that he has the nicest pair of legs ever! *sigh, sigh, sigh*Not the rest isn't equally great looking, but I guess I shouldn't depict too much. When he walks by I automatically follow his moves, as he is so gorgeous. He must find me most annoying. It's his own damn fault. If he would just stop being this handsome, I would stop looking. *lol* God, I have to get a grip, seriously!
So folks, have you kept your part of the "not killing any kittens" deal? I do hope so. Because like I said; I have no intentions as to do so. What more do we have as singles? Furthermore; when you spend every second of the day longing for a man you can never even be near, it does something to you. Yeah, it does... Enough said.
Watched Rachel Fuller and Mike Cuthbert and their In the attic show, which is a live webcast kinda thing that airs every Wednesday evening. It is brilliant, funny and we get to hear great music and the latest news. Pete stopped by, as usual. He cracks me up! Really funny, as are Rachel and Mike/y!! Talked about the following tour. A bit disappointed though. They're not coming to any Scandinavian country. So, there is no chance in hell I will have the money to go. Bollix!!! I wanted so much to go. I would get to see both The Who, and fabulous Rachel. How brilliant would that be on a scale from 1 to 10?
I am now off to "kill some kittens". No I'm only joking you! I am totally obsessed with that whole thing. I just thought it to be funny! Am going to write in my diary/journal here on my computer.
Take care, until next time; be good, or actually don't; be a bit naughty!!
Monsoon ;-)
The reason why I am so tired is that I have been doing maths for the whole bleedin day. Went in earlier to school so that I could get more done. After my Spanish class I continued with my maths. Came home, made salmon for dinner, ate it, and went straight into my combined office/studyroom/computer room/2nd bedroom and did maths until about 10 minutes ago. I had so much catching up to do. I do hope I will be able to solve some of the test tomorrow. I am dreading it, sooo much.
Ok, I have to make one remark about Bob, a very silly one... But may I just say that he has the nicest pair of legs ever! *sigh, sigh, sigh*Not the rest isn't equally great looking, but I guess I shouldn't depict too much. When he walks by I automatically follow his moves, as he is so gorgeous. He must find me most annoying. It's his own damn fault. If he would just stop being this handsome, I would stop looking. *lol* God, I have to get a grip, seriously!
So folks, have you kept your part of the "not killing any kittens" deal? I do hope so. Because like I said; I have no intentions as to do so. What more do we have as singles? Furthermore; when you spend every second of the day longing for a man you can never even be near, it does something to you. Yeah, it does... Enough said.
Watched Rachel Fuller and Mike Cuthbert and their In the attic show, which is a live webcast kinda thing that airs every Wednesday evening. It is brilliant, funny and we get to hear great music and the latest news. Pete stopped by, as usual. He cracks me up! Really funny, as are Rachel and Mike/y!! Talked about the following tour. A bit disappointed though. They're not coming to any Scandinavian country. So, there is no chance in hell I will have the money to go. Bollix!!! I wanted so much to go. I would get to see both The Who, and fabulous Rachel. How brilliant would that be on a scale from 1 to 10?
I am now off to "kill some kittens". No I'm only joking you! I am totally obsessed with that whole thing. I just thought it to be funny! Am going to write in my diary/journal here on my computer.
Take care, until next time; be good, or actually don't; be a bit naughty!!
Monsoon ;-)
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Masturbation?
Look at the picture.
Ooops! If this is really true, I'm afraid I'm responsible for the death of like a billion kittens, or more... Who knows? So guys; which of us should put a stop to the PWY business? (PWY is short for Playing With Yourself) I know I certainly will not stop, so I think the rest of you should, because that way I can continue with a clear conscience... I mean I am single, so I need to do the solo thing. And during one week I'll probably kill about 14 kittens. That is a lot... So you all better stop, right!?
Ooops! If this is really true, I'm afraid I'm responsible for the death of like a billion kittens, or more... Who knows? So guys; which of us should put a stop to the PWY business? (PWY is short for Playing With Yourself) I know I certainly will not stop, so I think the rest of you should, because that way I can continue with a clear conscience... I mean I am single, so I need to do the solo thing. And during one week I'll probably kill about 14 kittens. That is a lot... So you all better stop, right!?
Monsoon :-)
Sometimes I am weird
Yeah I am. Ok, this is the story. No "biggy" at all...
Many years ago I found a coin on the street at the place where I live. It was to me a very special coin to find. I have been insanely preoccupied with all things related to WW2, since forever, and this coin was from 1942. In addition, it was a 10 pfennig from the "German Third Reich". It has the eagle and the swastika. A piece of history, and a piece of something that no longer excits. (Thanks be to God!) During the past 10 years or so I have thought the coin lost. I couldn't find it, and I blamed all my moving. (As I have moved to Ireland and back twice, and also moved to Oslo etc. etc.) Then, three weeks ago I sat in my mum's kitchen. She turned around and asked me: "Eilen, can you see what year it says here?" When I saw it I nearly shouted out; My "Hitler coin"!! I got so thrilled. I couldn't believe that during all these years it had been sitting in my mum's kitchen in a little box. But, at last: the 10 pfennig is back with me, and I am really glad that it is. Funny thing; it smells strongly of perfume... Strange. And it's not my perfume. :-)
My point to this was: Is it a bit weird to be 31 and getting over-happy by a tiny thing like this? Most likely... It is not worth much, but to me it is priceless.
It's just like the letters my family has from my relative who fought for USA in WW1. He emigrated to the states in 1911, and fought in the Toul area. In his letters he tells about his horrible experiences. It feels so real, so vivid, to read these pages of history. It's the handwriting of someone who is from my place, Vigrestad, and who fought in this terrible war. He talks about the trenches, the bombings, the terror, the loneliness of loosing ones company, the piercing hunger which even resulted in eating food found in the German "areas". (and this was illegal as they were afraid that this food would be poisoned) I went into the web page of "Ellis Island org", and I was able to find scanned images of the original papers from when he entered the USA through Ellis island on April 19th 1911. It says: List or manifest of alien passengers for the United States Immigration office... And then all the passengers from this particular crossing and ship, Oscar II, are tested for various diseases and more. All this is written on these pages. Oh, it's all so exciting!!!
In 1999, I was on holidays in New York. Fantastic! Me and my friend Irene, spent 7 hours at the Ellis island" museum. I wanted to stay longer, but the last boat back to Manhattan was leaving, so... The buildings have been renovated, and it's the best museum trip I have ever been to. No doubt. I wasn't bored for one tiny second, because everything was incredibly exhilarating.
At school today I asked one of my teachers if he had had a good winter break. His answer was this: "Well, you know. A bit trouble, a lot of stirrings and stuff. During the break I suddenly lost myself a marriage". Oh my God, I felt so stupid! Poor man. But I wasn't to know. We talked a little about relationships and how to get through something like that. Luckily he didn't find me a complete idiot for asking. He is very nice.
Oh and yeah. During the winter break I dreamt that I had this really passionate sex with this very same teacher. I felt that he knew when I saw him today, and I blushed just thinking about it. God, how typical of me. Dreams very similar to this one, only with different people, I've had tons of times. What's up with that? It's not that I fancy these people for real...
Dreading the test on Friday. But I will have to survive it.
Monsoon :-)
Many years ago I found a coin on the street at the place where I live. It was to me a very special coin to find. I have been insanely preoccupied with all things related to WW2, since forever, and this coin was from 1942. In addition, it was a 10 pfennig from the "German Third Reich". It has the eagle and the swastika. A piece of history, and a piece of something that no longer excits. (Thanks be to God!) During the past 10 years or so I have thought the coin lost. I couldn't find it, and I blamed all my moving. (As I have moved to Ireland and back twice, and also moved to Oslo etc. etc.) Then, three weeks ago I sat in my mum's kitchen. She turned around and asked me: "Eilen, can you see what year it says here?" When I saw it I nearly shouted out; My "Hitler coin"!! I got so thrilled. I couldn't believe that during all these years it had been sitting in my mum's kitchen in a little box. But, at last: the 10 pfennig is back with me, and I am really glad that it is. Funny thing; it smells strongly of perfume... Strange. And it's not my perfume. :-)
My point to this was: Is it a bit weird to be 31 and getting over-happy by a tiny thing like this? Most likely... It is not worth much, but to me it is priceless.
It's just like the letters my family has from my relative who fought for USA in WW1. He emigrated to the states in 1911, and fought in the Toul area. In his letters he tells about his horrible experiences. It feels so real, so vivid, to read these pages of history. It's the handwriting of someone who is from my place, Vigrestad, and who fought in this terrible war. He talks about the trenches, the bombings, the terror, the loneliness of loosing ones company, the piercing hunger which even resulted in eating food found in the German "areas". (and this was illegal as they were afraid that this food would be poisoned) I went into the web page of "Ellis Island org", and I was able to find scanned images of the original papers from when he entered the USA through Ellis island on April 19th 1911. It says: List or manifest of alien passengers for the United States Immigration office... And then all the passengers from this particular crossing and ship, Oscar II, are tested for various diseases and more. All this is written on these pages. Oh, it's all so exciting!!!
In 1999, I was on holidays in New York. Fantastic! Me and my friend Irene, spent 7 hours at the Ellis island" museum. I wanted to stay longer, but the last boat back to Manhattan was leaving, so... The buildings have been renovated, and it's the best museum trip I have ever been to. No doubt. I wasn't bored for one tiny second, because everything was incredibly exhilarating.
At school today I asked one of my teachers if he had had a good winter break. His answer was this: "Well, you know. A bit trouble, a lot of stirrings and stuff. During the break I suddenly lost myself a marriage". Oh my God, I felt so stupid! Poor man. But I wasn't to know. We talked a little about relationships and how to get through something like that. Luckily he didn't find me a complete idiot for asking. He is very nice.
Oh and yeah. During the winter break I dreamt that I had this really passionate sex with this very same teacher. I felt that he knew when I saw him today, and I blushed just thinking about it. God, how typical of me. Dreams very similar to this one, only with different people, I've had tons of times. What's up with that? It's not that I fancy these people for real...
Dreading the test on Friday. But I will have to survive it.
Monsoon :-)
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
He is a true temtation
I nearly fell to the floor when I first saw him today, that's how unbelievably hot he was. He wore my favourite pants and all! The pilot pants. So yummy! I just wanted to ask him: "Are you trying to kill me, or what?" *lol* Everything about him was perfect today. How great it must be to be that gorgeous! I bet that throughout his life he has been fighting women off all the time. And he probably left several girls heartbroken when he tied the knot. When he is around, I cannot get myself to stop smiling. He makes me happy, and he makes me want to live life at the fullest. I have never met anyone like him. Wow. I have so much care and love for him, that it scares me. No words will ever suffice to describe him. It's not possible. Can you tell I am totally in love? And it's all for nothing. Lovely. But, at least I know that I will get over him one day.
When I came home today I had pancakes and bacon waiting for me at my parents house. I usually eat there every Tuesday. I don't mind. Mum's cooking is great.
I am very sensitive today. Awfully aware of my vulnerability. I think that I am having huge problems with dealing with my own emotional deceit towards my ex. I can't forgive myself for falling in love with someone else. And furthermore; continuing to be in love with him when my feelings so obviously were going to destroy my relationship with Inger Marie. But, I have to ask myself this: If everything was at its place, If I totally and utterly loved only her, if that relationship was the best for both of us, would I have fallen in love with someone else? I think the answer is no. A crush could have happened, and it wouldn't have interfered at all. A crush can be a little and innocent zest in life. But this was never a crush. Although I thought it to be, at least for 5 months. It just took me a good while to admit up to that unattainable love...
I can feel the want to cry. My throat is sore, because I try to swallow the urge. But I am sick of crying. So sick I can't begin to explain! And especially when in reality I am quite happy. Why this urge to cry then? Where does it stem from? Panicking? Scared I will never meet someone who will fancy me? Scared I will remain fat and unwanted for the rest of my life? Scared I will turn into a bitter old bitch at 85, complaining about life in my stinking flat, which I share with 14 cats? Scared I won't be smart and intelligent enough to finish my education? Scared I won't ever have sex again? Scared I will end up resentful and regretful for the things I never dared to do?For God's sake; it can't turn out like that. I don't have to be fat, and I will meet someone, I'm sure. But, of course, there's always that pessimistic voice at the back of my head... Don't we love it? But to my luck: I am not all that pessimistic. In fact; I am mostly optimistic. Usually life is quite good, and well worth living!
When I came home today I had pancakes and bacon waiting for me at my parents house. I usually eat there every Tuesday. I don't mind. Mum's cooking is great.
I am very sensitive today. Awfully aware of my vulnerability. I think that I am having huge problems with dealing with my own emotional deceit towards my ex. I can't forgive myself for falling in love with someone else. And furthermore; continuing to be in love with him when my feelings so obviously were going to destroy my relationship with Inger Marie. But, I have to ask myself this: If everything was at its place, If I totally and utterly loved only her, if that relationship was the best for both of us, would I have fallen in love with someone else? I think the answer is no. A crush could have happened, and it wouldn't have interfered at all. A crush can be a little and innocent zest in life. But this was never a crush. Although I thought it to be, at least for 5 months. It just took me a good while to admit up to that unattainable love...
I can feel the want to cry. My throat is sore, because I try to swallow the urge. But I am sick of crying. So sick I can't begin to explain! And especially when in reality I am quite happy. Why this urge to cry then? Where does it stem from? Panicking? Scared I will never meet someone who will fancy me? Scared I will remain fat and unwanted for the rest of my life? Scared I will turn into a bitter old bitch at 85, complaining about life in my stinking flat, which I share with 14 cats? Scared I won't be smart and intelligent enough to finish my education? Scared I won't ever have sex again? Scared I will end up resentful and regretful for the things I never dared to do?For God's sake; it can't turn out like that. I don't have to be fat, and I will meet someone, I'm sure. But, of course, there's always that pessimistic voice at the back of my head... Don't we love it? But to my luck: I am not all that pessimistic. In fact; I am mostly optimistic. Usually life is quite good, and well worth living!
It's late again. As always. Tomorrow at school I am going to try, and I emphasize try, to help a fellow student with some maths. We're having a test on Friday. For the first time I am considering not going to school. I am not able to do graphs, and I will possibly fail the bloody test. But, I will most likely go to school, conscientious as I am.
Take care you lot! I know I will! Going to bed, hoping for sweet dreams :-)
Monsoon
Monday, March 06, 2006
The early 1990's
What was I thinking?
Oh God daddy, why did I have to go and sit here, just so that you could show people we have seen snow in July...
I look uncomfortable and like I'm in pain. Hilarious face.
And maybe I was. ( hence all the big lumps on my arms.) I had gotten stung like a billon times by mosquitoes.
And what's up with that hairstyle? I blame it on the 80's. Some styles from the glittering 80's got stuck way into the 90's. We now look back at it with horror! This was in 1990, and I was going on 16. We had been on holidays in the east of Norway and were driving home over the mountains.
And notice my lovely "flip-flop" shoes. White ones, to match my infamous typically Norwegian white tennis socks. Yukky.
Who looked good with a home-made permanent wave/T perm? I think nobody did actually.
But, at the time we thought we looked drop dead gorgeous. I know I did. :-)
This is another disasterous hairstyle.
It looks like a fountain. For the love and honour of God; did I honestly think this was a great look for me? Did I feel hot looking like this? I have no idea. But I wore my hair like this for quite some time. How come no one stopped me? Probably because they all wore their hair in similar appalling ways. Where are the hairstylepolice when you need them, eh? I should have been force cut... Or at least been forced to leave the hair down.
And what about those bright neon pink shorts. Jaysis, the sight of them freak me out they do! Pink was never my colour, but somehow I didn't care. I was going on 18 here. (My birthday is on August 2nd)
Well, that was me. Flicked through some photo albums today, and I just had to share the fountain look. It makes me laugh.
Still hoarse, still red nose, still feeling as attractive as a mummy.
I'll be seeing him tomorrow. Can't wait!
Hugs Monsoon.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Pictures
This is me and Rønnaug in 1994. I just scanned it... I am 20 and she is 19 here. Rønnaug is one of my best friends, and we have been friends since 1990. The pic is taken in the kitchen in Celbridge, in the house I lived in. The address was 281 Crodaun Forest Park
These pics were just taken. I am borrowing my dad's digital camera, as I don't have one myself. So I am going to take pictures of my flat... Bedroom and bathroom... Well, part of them... And, yes, I do make my bed every day. Ok, some days I forget... hehe...
These pics were just taken. I am borrowing my dad's digital camera, as I don't have one myself. So I am going to take pictures of my flat... Bedroom and bathroom... Well, part of them... And, yes, I do make my bed every day. Ok, some days I forget... hehe...
Before going to bed, late...
.. so late that it's in fact Sunday now...
I miss him so much. Haven't seen him in a while. But he's still on my mind. He is like a constant craving. Well said actually... *lol* No, but really, that's what it feels like most of the time.
I still have a very dark voice, and a bit sore throat too. Despite that; I am really content and happy.
Take care !
Love from Monsoon :-)
I miss him so much. Haven't seen him in a while. But he's still on my mind. He is like a constant craving. Well said actually... *lol* No, but really, that's what it feels like most of the time.
I still have a very dark voice, and a bit sore throat too. Despite that; I am really content and happy.
Take care !
Love from Monsoon :-)
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Christening and my friend Helene
The Royal family in Norway had a christening today. A little Prince named Sverre Magnus was christened today, in the Royal family's own chapel. Sverre Magnus' older sister, Ingrid Alexandra will be our queen in the future. But her father, Haakon is first in line to be King though. He is 33 years old.
This is Prince Sverre Magnus with his parents; Haakon and Mette Marit
The reason why I write about this is that one of my best friends Helene sang in the christening today. She and I shared a flat for 4 years while I lived in Oslo. She has always wanted to be a singer, and she is living it now! While we lived together she attended the National Opera school in Oslo. I still remember when we found out she was accepted into it! We were ecstatic!
I am so proud of you Helene!
Helene and myself on the first day of us living together. We both look a bit different now. She looks even greater, while I have deteriorated... I am the blond one, of course...
Monsoon
This is Prince Sverre Magnus with his parents; Haakon and Mette Marit
The reason why I write about this is that one of my best friends Helene sang in the christening today. She and I shared a flat for 4 years while I lived in Oslo. She has always wanted to be a singer, and she is living it now! While we lived together she attended the National Opera school in Oslo. I still remember when we found out she was accepted into it! We were ecstatic!
I am so proud of you Helene!
Helene and myself on the first day of us living together. We both look a bit different now. She looks even greater, while I have deteriorated... I am the blond one, of course...
Monsoon
Friday, March 03, 2006
Monsoon finds great taste for you!
HAPPY 31st BIRTHDAY TO EVA!!!!!
TIPS OF STYLE
Oh my God, look at this beautiful table. I can't wait to buy it. It will definetely match my sofa with pillows shaped as kittens, and my wallpaper with huge ducks on it. Who doesn't love furniture with animals on them? I mean, come one!
Here is another favourite of mine. A more handy and stunning piece of furniture has never been made. Look at all the real gold. And also; how handy it must be to have a clock as a part of ones TV and video furniture. Simply a must buy object, for any classy livingroom, if you want to show off your great taste. No one will be able to tell it's all plastic.
This bathroom set is wonderful. Maybe you are a descendant of some King from the Roman empire, and why not show that with this stylish toiletroll holder, with matching mirror. It will truly be the talk of town. I mean, it's simply a huge chunk of eye-candy...
The shoe which says it all: I am a whore, I am a streetgirl, I am a punk, I am fancy/posh. Wow. Ask yourself this: "Could I want more from a shoe?" I am sooo cool, and I am digging it, yeah cm'on yo bitch...
So this was the first of my series of stylish recommendations for your homes and your bodies. I hope you enjoyed it.
I am now going to do something completely different, but that's my secret.
Hugs from Monsoon -finally almost well after being sick all bloody week -
TIPS OF STYLE
Oh my God, look at this beautiful table. I can't wait to buy it. It will definetely match my sofa with pillows shaped as kittens, and my wallpaper with huge ducks on it. Who doesn't love furniture with animals on them? I mean, come one!
Here is another favourite of mine. A more handy and stunning piece of furniture has never been made. Look at all the real gold. And also; how handy it must be to have a clock as a part of ones TV and video furniture. Simply a must buy object, for any classy livingroom, if you want to show off your great taste. No one will be able to tell it's all plastic.
This bathroom set is wonderful. Maybe you are a descendant of some King from the Roman empire, and why not show that with this stylish toiletroll holder, with matching mirror. It will truly be the talk of town. I mean, it's simply a huge chunk of eye-candy...
The shoe which says it all: I am a whore, I am a streetgirl, I am a punk, I am fancy/posh. Wow. Ask yourself this: "Could I want more from a shoe?" I am sooo cool, and I am digging it, yeah cm'on yo bitch...
So this was the first of my series of stylish recommendations for your homes and your bodies. I hope you enjoyed it.
I am now going to do something completely different, but that's my secret.
Hugs from Monsoon -finally almost well after being sick all bloody week -
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
I feel ashamed today
Some days I just feel ashamed of being a part of the wealthy west of the world. Also to the fact that humans are so incredibly cruel. There is so much terror, torture, molesting, abuse, and all sorts of violence out there. Just thinking about it makes me want to run off and hide. I can't deal with it, it's too much to take in.
But at the same time; now that I know, and now that I've seen the truth; I can no longer close my eyes and pretend that the world is pure, and that all I have to mind is my own small world.
On a daily basis I will tend to my world, and my life, but I promise myself that I never will stop counting my blessings, for they are numerous.
I watched the Oprah show today, and they were talking about the child sex industry/trafficking. This is a subject that has disgusted me, and made me more furious and irate than anything else. It is the biggest man-made disaster in this day in age, I think. Even more so when we think about the fact that it is preventable. There are things that can be done to try to stop it, and to educate people about this. But it is difficult. Sex slave traders are highly developed organized criminals who are adept at avoiding laws designed to stop them. In many of the countries where this is most frequent there are certain problems that need to be dealt with. Like the fact that the police, the judicial system, the local authorities, and also the local inhabitants, tend to close their eyes and look the other way. A judge might acquit a man/woman accused of sexual abuse, or other things, for a few dollars. Even if the evidence is compelling and convincing. This teaches the abusers, the kidnappers and perpetrators that there is nothing a fistful of dollars won't fix.
Arrrghh!!! I feel the anger inside of me. The men and women behind these industries. What are you thinking? Who are you? I can't understand that so few preventive things are done to stop it. To stop families from selling their 8 year old daughters into prostitution. A degrading, painful and shameful track in life, where severe physical abuse is recurrent. Some kids might be rescued, but the truth is that their rescue might not be the end of their terror. Some societies look at them with disgust, and tells them that they are outcasts, and that they have brought shame on their families. All this must be turned around. We must teach them that these girls aren't "dirty" and that they are not to be blamed for this.
Another point that is so scary and frightening is the fact that so many men want these girls and boys. They want to have sex with kids as far down as 5 years of age. They want pure tiny innocent virgins. It makes me want to puke. And when one reads and studies the industry we see that the fact is that most of them actually want the younger ones. Teenagers are almost too old. What is this, what does it tell us? How many men are married living ordinary family life, while secretly wanting, and buying, sex from children. Millions. That is unbelievably scary to me. What is it in this world today that makes them want that? There must be something basically wrong with the world. Because it isn't normal, not in any circumstance is it normal to want to have sex with a child. So this results in one horrid question: How many paedophilias are there, like really?!? Uncountable the number is, I think.
Christiane Amanpour is from CNN, and she is brave. She has been trying to dig into this dark, dangerous, and horrifying underworld, and has found shocking truths. Truths that compel us to learn and to try to do what we can to prevent this.
I could go on and on. But I will stop now.
Monsoon - for once showing myself from a different side than your fat-single-in-love-with-married-man-complaining-studying-happy-musicloving girl that I usually am...
But at the same time; now that I know, and now that I've seen the truth; I can no longer close my eyes and pretend that the world is pure, and that all I have to mind is my own small world.
On a daily basis I will tend to my world, and my life, but I promise myself that I never will stop counting my blessings, for they are numerous.
I watched the Oprah show today, and they were talking about the child sex industry/trafficking. This is a subject that has disgusted me, and made me more furious and irate than anything else. It is the biggest man-made disaster in this day in age, I think. Even more so when we think about the fact that it is preventable. There are things that can be done to try to stop it, and to educate people about this. But it is difficult. Sex slave traders are highly developed organized criminals who are adept at avoiding laws designed to stop them. In many of the countries where this is most frequent there are certain problems that need to be dealt with. Like the fact that the police, the judicial system, the local authorities, and also the local inhabitants, tend to close their eyes and look the other way. A judge might acquit a man/woman accused of sexual abuse, or other things, for a few dollars. Even if the evidence is compelling and convincing. This teaches the abusers, the kidnappers and perpetrators that there is nothing a fistful of dollars won't fix.
Arrrghh!!! I feel the anger inside of me. The men and women behind these industries. What are you thinking? Who are you? I can't understand that so few preventive things are done to stop it. To stop families from selling their 8 year old daughters into prostitution. A degrading, painful and shameful track in life, where severe physical abuse is recurrent. Some kids might be rescued, but the truth is that their rescue might not be the end of their terror. Some societies look at them with disgust, and tells them that they are outcasts, and that they have brought shame on their families. All this must be turned around. We must teach them that these girls aren't "dirty" and that they are not to be blamed for this.
Another point that is so scary and frightening is the fact that so many men want these girls and boys. They want to have sex with kids as far down as 5 years of age. They want pure tiny innocent virgins. It makes me want to puke. And when one reads and studies the industry we see that the fact is that most of them actually want the younger ones. Teenagers are almost too old. What is this, what does it tell us? How many men are married living ordinary family life, while secretly wanting, and buying, sex from children. Millions. That is unbelievably scary to me. What is it in this world today that makes them want that? There must be something basically wrong with the world. Because it isn't normal, not in any circumstance is it normal to want to have sex with a child. So this results in one horrid question: How many paedophilias are there, like really?!? Uncountable the number is, I think.
Christiane Amanpour is from CNN, and she is brave. She has been trying to dig into this dark, dangerous, and horrifying underworld, and has found shocking truths. Truths that compel us to learn and to try to do what we can to prevent this.
I could go on and on. But I will stop now.
Monsoon - for once showing myself from a different side than your fat-single-in-love-with-married-man-complaining-studying-happy-musicloving girl that I usually am...
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