Take a look at this conversation between Fran, The Nanny, and her mum. And for those who haven’t seen it; Fran, the nanny, is working for Mr Sheffield as a nanny, and here she is visiting her mum. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUnql2bCqkw
So, as it turned out I should have kept my mouth shut about my new fabulous TV… Why!? Only this; a few hours after writing my last entry I went to turn on the TV to watch ”Will and Grace”. It would not start. It is fecking broken. A little bollix red light blink in intervals of three, however, that display of light is not making me any happier, I can assure you. I am being punished for being materialistic. I am sure of it. To make matters worse I couldn’t find the receipt. I searched through my whole flat for hours on end, and still no sight of it. Receipts as old as history itself, kept appearing, but never the right one. Yes, I do keep, and treasure, receipts for cheap toasters and stuff, but for a TV in the price range of “I have never spent this much money on a single item in my whole life”, that I lose. In the end I was soaked in stress-sweat, and my flat looked like a paper dump. Then I wanted to cry, as; poor student + broken TV - receipt = no new or fixed TV. Instead of crying I decided to take action, so I wrote an e-mail of beseech to the online shop where I bought the TV. The next morning I had a receipt waiting in an e-mail from them. I have to send the TV in, all the way to Oslo, and yet I don’t have the gigantic packaging and pallet it came on, and that is also making this whole affair difficult. I am now waiting for a reply from the “Consumer Council” as to how to proceed. Can I just say FUCK!
I was at my granny's today, as I am every Sunday. We were having a laugh, which is also usual. She is so gas that woman. I was complaining about having little money as a student, being scared it won't last until after surgery and getting a job after that again, and told my gran I was constantly thinking about ways to make some money, when she replies; well, I suppose you just have to put on the glossy high heels and go make your way to the quays... (This is a saying in Norway, and so working the quays means working as a hooker. I don't know if that is a saying in English, so I just wanted to explain it.) Yeah that’s my gran! She will turn 80 on November 6th. Gotta love her! These photos are of her now, and on her Confirmation day during the war; in 1943.
Since my second to last entry, and by that I mean back in July, I have actually turned 35. My birthday was on August 2nd. I had just the closest family down for cake and a social gathering. It was a good day, even though I am that old. I can feel the “fourtyness” creeping upon me, and I do not like it. Suddenly the whole idea of getting older, wrinklier, saggier, liver spottier and more infertile by the minute, does not agree with me. Sod it. I hardly wanted to celebrate my birthday; what's to celebrate really? The fact that I have just gotten so bloody fat and old, huh!?! Hehe... (I am exaggerating this a bit, yes...) My dad gets angry with me when I say things like that. He tells me this; “What is the alternative?” Well, I guess not being here is the only option besides getting older. But he doesn't know what it feels like to be in the situation I am in, how can he? I mean he's been in a relationship with mam since he was 16, and so he hasn’t been single in 43 years. There's just such gross amount of things I have to go through before I will be ready to “get out there again”, and by then the 40s will definitely have gotten closer and even scarier. I try to keep my mind positive, and I constantly keep telling myself that life isn’t over, life can still become great, life can still throw me a bone, life can still turn out nice and even exciting, life can still hold good things, life can still give me a chance to shine, and life might even be able to let me find love, the lasting kind... But even though I tell myself these things, do I actually believe them? No. Not even a smidge. However, I think I found one cell in my body which is positive, and so I will isolate that cell and make it grow. All hope can't be lost.
Now I have to get back to my history books and try to learn something. I am not very eager at the moment. I am just dreaming and fantasising too much these days. I need a reality check.
Huggies and stuff, Monsoon :-)
3 comments:
Oh goodness... Where to begin?
First of all, your granny is smashing! What a woman! Beautiful and wise! I laughed sooo much at what she told you! But hey! Ain't she right! lol
Second of all, we ARE getting old. I look in the mirror and I see new wrinkles gain territory little by little. Not withstanding all sorts of creams and health masks, the skin is not what it used to be. My bones ache when I wake up in the morning, I have pouches under my eyes. Half of my head is grey. I don't celebrate my birthday anymore. But! I grew up in a country where being beautiful was one of the hardest things. There were almost no creams or masks or make up in the Soviet Union. The things that were accessible were of SUCH poor quality. And women mixed their own hair die. And yet, people would not let themselves go down. A soviet woman knew a thousand and one little trick for taking care of her face and body. So I tell myself: I am much more lucky - I have practically no effort to make. I have all kinds of stuff available. So I'll use it. And I do use it. I die my hair and I spend hours putting masks and creams on my face, doing baths for my hands and feet, dying my hair. I never go out without the make up. Oh I still see the wrinkles, and I still see that every time I cut my hair, there's still more and more of white on my head. And I still avoid looking at myself in the morning. It is hard accepting that you'll get old and die. I have a hard time with it. These are two things that I fear the most: old age and death. But I try to overcome. I try not to think about it too much. And then, when all things are said and done, after having put on all those creams and treatments, after making up my face and hair, I look at myself in the mirror and I know that I can do with what I see there because it is not that bad. Maybe it is only psychological, but who cares if it works?
You're beautiful and you look good and young. I love your face, your smile, the coulor of your hair. After your operation you'll feel better too. So, even if these moments of blues are inevitable, don't let them take over you!
Love you so!
Hugs
Leila
du skriver så utrolig bra!
Alt blir kjekt når du skriver det. Er sikker på at om du hadde skrevet om sexlivet til spyflua så hadde det blitt interessant hehehe
Ny blogg fra meg forresten...
Snakkes
Love the photos and story of your gran, my husbands aunt turned 80 on Friday, she lives in South Africa and we made her day by sending her flowers and phoning her, I cried when I saw the photos of my husbands aunts birthday lunch, because it reminded me so much of my mum who died in 2002 and how much I miss her, we have to treasure our relatives.
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