It goes up and down in life, doesn't it. I watched a very wise quote on a friend's facebook status today; "This is one moment in your life. It's not going to define who you are". I thought that was a very significant thing to remember, especially for me. I think I many times have defined myself based upon minuscule moments of my life. Like the one decision, one feeling, one thought etc that happened in the fraction of a second. How flipping stupid is that!? I think we can conclude with; very! I will really try to stop being that mean to myself. It is just such a silly thing. Why be my own worst enemy!? I am sure there are enough people out there not giving a shite about me, and I don't think it is wise I should be one of them. Don't you agree?
I have had Rosen therapy today. It is my aunt who is a Rosen therapist. Seriously, it is the best so-called alternative treatment I have ever had. I never thought I'd feel any difference, because I kind of didn't believe in it to be frank. But boy was I wrong, and I admit I was wrong. Over the past two months I haven't had any, because my aunt has moved (just down the road form me) and has been insanely busy with final exams in the Rosen method +++. My whole body has, both physically and emotionally, deteriorated rapidly in those months. So I am really glad that I will be able to have this treatment on a regular basis again. Phew!
But, sometimes one just has to allow oneself to regret certain things. Even if the decisions didn't define me, they certainly impacted my whole life. I regret my choice of profession. I regret not being honest about my inner truths. I regret being a fucking imbecile when I was younger; not following my dreams. I regret being sick of school, and just wanting to work. I regret not moving to do the thing I actually could have managed without too much hassle, and which is also the profession I have wanted for almost the whole duration of my life. When I was barely 6 I sat reading in a historical encyclopaedia at home, (which happened quite frequently according to my mum) and my eyes grew bigger and bigger. I was SO into it. Both my mum and I remember this vividly, as we actually just talked about it the other day. I gazed up on my mum and said these words; "when I grow up I want to be the person who digs after secrets from the olden times down in the ground". Did I make that happen? A resounding noooo is the answer. Oh how I wish I had. Instead I made excuses and shat on the oldest dream I have. I REALLY regret that. If I were a rich person, or came from money, I'd do it now. I'd take those five years and make it true... However, it is too late. It really is. So I have to make the most of being a social worker and make that my new dream. I think I will be a great social worker, I do. Archaeology, arts crafts and history can without a doubt still be a huge part of my life. I have promised myself to look for summer courses and/or similar stuff, on the subjects, and then attend them. I can educate myself also, and I will.
I feel surprisingly upbeat actually. I can't disclose why, or, I won't... I know it is dreadfully bad of me to say that and then not give away more, but this is something I want to keep to myself. For a rare change! Life is looking quite bright right now, and I only hope it will last.
Much love xxx
4 comments:
People forget that they are mortal. We live our lives as if we had all the Eternity infront of us. We lose time and energy on things that do not matter, and we miss many that do.
I think that regretting has us loosing our time for nothing too. I have many things to regret - boy, does my life consist of lost oportunities! I am a champion there, believe me. Actually, if I think about it, I understand that I could have been a whole different person right now. But I am who I am and I am where I am and I have what I got. And I understood one thing: do not regret because it is destroying, analyse and learn from your mistakes and lost oportunities because that is very helpful. Life consists of good people and bad people, good decisions and bad decisions, but all of the above, good or bad, forge us and make us who we are. Learning from your mistakes is also an oportunity.
Of course you could have done this and that and shouldn't have done that and this, but the person you are now, dear, is a wonderful person with a rare heart, mind and understanding. And so in some way I am even greatful for all your lost oportunities, because they led you to be as you are and where you are and I got to meet you, and for that I can only be greatful. Life is a tricky thing, but it's not bad after all.I just try to remember that :-)
Love
Leila
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Yeah, I know I shouldn't be stuck regretting, and really I am not. Not to the extent that it is making depressed or anything... It is just that sometimes I get so angry at myself for not daring and for repressing who I really am. 'Cause that's what I ultimately have been doing. I must try to change that from now on, that is why it is important for me to acknowledge my regrets, because only then can I see new opportunities and seize them, and not having to regret them as well. You know what I mean!? I know at least one chance I shall not let pass by, but more of that later... Perhaps... ;-)
I am glad you are happy with what I am now, and that you like me for who I am, I can say the same for you Leila! :-) Thanks for your kind words, as always! Love you xxx
Wow Monsoon, I read your post and it sounded a lot like things I regret. But I have learned to believe in Karma and everything happens for a reason. If my mother had her way I would have been a Geologist, but I never had any great aspirations in life when I was young, I too just wanted to leave school and find a job, but if I could do it all over again I would have my own travel agency and spend my life not only booking holidays for people but being a tour guide as well, but then if I think of it now there is a lot of things I would do over if I could do it all again!
Funny you should say geologist... That is another thing I would like to be. :-)
I too think that things happen for a reason. Only SO many hard and bad things have happened to me over the last 10-15 years that I have a heard time figuring out what the hell was the meaning of it all. I can't seem to find a meaning or a learning point of it all, that's all...
I do now really dwell, in a bad way, on my regrets. I try to use them as tools looking forward and living in such a way that I won't regret as many things later, like in the latter part of my life at least.
I think for me it was that I had TOO many things and dreams that I wanted to see come to life, and that I didn't dare to do anything about it. Ah, well... At least I have a University degree now, so I must focus on that from now on.
Maybe you and I just need to really appreciate the persons we've become, and know that we wouldn't be who we are, where we are, having the friends and/or family that we have, if it weren't for all those regrets, just like Leila/Momiji said above here...
Hugs xxx
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