I spent most of 2008 being totally numb, just like I was a few years before January 12th 2005 as well. Like just existing, being here, yet not really living. I am finally beginning to feel that numbness leave my soul and body. I had a good cry yesterday, with my mum. Well, it wasn’t good as such, but it felt better afterwards. I talked about my lack of thrive at Uni, my embarrassment and shame for gaining weight yet again, and stuff like that. I just couldn’t keep the tears, and for a little while I was bawling. This is needless to say the reason why I haven’t been great at blogging. When most of my thoughts and feelings are negative, and I can’t even make myself to use sarcasm and irony, then what the fuck is the point of blogging?! It would just be a dark, depressing pile of crap. It’d be like reading something that made you feel like not getting up the day after. It would make you, my readers, dark too. So I stayed away and kept most of to myself. I can’t talk about it all, because then I just cry, simple as that. And then I lose the ability to speak, and we all know it doesn’t agree with me not being able to speak, so yes…
Anywhoooo… As I was saying; I think, and feel, that this is slowly, indeed-e-o very slowly, getting better. The pressure cooker that is my brain is loosening its grip, and the boiling is more like a simmer now. Which sounds better doesn’t it!?
Anywhoooo… As I was saying; I think, and feel, that this is slowly, indeed-e-o very slowly, getting better. The pressure cooker that is my brain is loosening its grip, and the boiling is more like a simmer now. Which sounds better doesn’t it!?
I watched a birth video today, or the ending of it. A friend giving birth… MAN that made me cry. I watched it like 5 times. To see her baby girl being born was just amazing and incredible! Thanks so much for sharing Mox! Oh the beauty of birth...
I don’t want to talk about how many episodes of “Friends” I sat through today, but it was a lot. I mean, we’re talking more than three hands worth of fingers. Yes, I love that series. I really do. I never tire from it either somehow. Actually it keeps getting funnier for every time I watch it. But then, I do adore the odd sit-com. To be totally honest I guess you could say that I am a big sit-com freak! I “only” collect, or am finished collecting, these: Friends, Ellen, Men behaving badly, Will & Grace, Seinfeld, The Nanny, Mad about you, Married with children, Two and a half men, Father Ted and Absolutely fabulous. I loved a British one called Dressing for Breakfast. (That Holly Aird is cute!) But I was only able to watch some of it, because they didn’t send all the episodes here. I don’t know why I love comedies like these so much. I like laughing... so that must be it. Huh?!
So, I am so digging this song from “Uh huh her”. It is called Common reaction, and I don’t know what it is about it. The rhythm, the beat, the base, and their voices together are all amazing. It makes me feel things, experience emotions... I especially love the part that starts at 2.49 in this video. Though, I also adore Dreamer by them. You can listen to that here.
There's been a terrible blizzard. Lots of snow, and lots of wind, which is not a very good combination. The snow ploughs have been going around like shuttle service... My friend Eva lives at a place called Tonstad, and that is in a valley with mountains all over. She could only open her front door like 20 cm because of all the snow. Desperate!
Well I guess I’ll shut up now. At least I’m blogging a little again... Right!?
Love in heaps – EV
4 comments:
Yaaaaaaaay for another post! :-D
My gosh, I never thought that it would snow THAT much at home. That has to be some SERIOUS snow. Global warming, much? :-S (Personally I'd go with some of the suggestions from Ice Age, like "the Big Chill" or "the Nippy Era"...)
And seeing how a child is being brought to the world has to be so moving. The closest I've gotten to see that was a sheep (or rather a number of sheep) giving birth. And I don't really think it gave me that much of an impression. I think I was more like "huh, so that's how THEY do it". More nonchalant, in a sense. I imagine it would probably be a bit more moving when you're talking about the SAME SPECIES instead. (And yes, my sense of logic is nothing short of striking :-P)
And yeah, sometimes it does feel better to have a good cry about things that upset or bother you in any way. I know I can't relate at all to what you are going through and what you have been going through over the years, and I know that saying this might not do any good, but I fervently believe in the all-too-used cliché that "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger". And I am also certain that God will never give you anything He knows you can't handle. So hang in there! You can do this! We're rooting for ya! :-)
Huggies!
Hey Elise!! Yeah lots and lots of snow, but of course now it has started to melt already... But I am glad of it. I nearly fell on my arse like ten times just going for the post today. Slippery!
Oh yeah watching that birth video was truly amazing. what a miracle. I've seen births before, but this time it was someone I care about, and that made it special!!
Thanks for cheering and rooting me. I am a strong believer in that this year and the years to come, will be great! Got to believe! And yes, in the end it will have made me stronger, I think so too.
Love to you!
I am a huge huge sit-com fan, dear! Aaaand another one in common between us lol - the list is getting longer! Which is great by the way.
But lately I got myself hooked on series - something I did not watch too much before. I got myself through 4 (!!!) seasons of Supernatural (I like good old ghost stories I do) and 3 seasons and a half of House M.D. Yes, I know, I'm beyond redemption!
My dear dear friend! I am so very glad that you are beginning to recover little by little from that depression and numbness. It's not important if it goes up slowly, the important thing is that you are finally wakening. I'm trying to do the same, but with so many things going on (I'll tell you more on the phone), it is kind of hard. But we'll fight and win, both of us, won't we? We do love a good laugh so much...
Love you!
When they first became available in Malaysia, I bought the entire (at the time) 5 or so seasons of Friends in VCD form, not thinking twice about spending over RM800 for it all... My collection now has 9 seasons in VCD form, and the 10th in DVD. I hate the VCD format... am considering getting rid of them and reinvesting in DVDs... of course, that will have to wait until the financial situation is better... ... but hey, another things we click with, eh? :)
I know quite a bit about struggling with being positive, overcoming dark dark thoughts... glad you feel you've turned the corner! huggzzzzz!!!
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