Finally!

First of all; HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a wonderful friend Laura (Italy) on her 23rd today!! This is one girl that is truly special to me. She is smart, compassionate, honest, real, funny, vulnerable, and beautiful both inside and out, brilliant, creative and yes, just fabulous in every sense of the word.

Second of all: HAPPY 4th OF JULY to all of USA!!

Yeah, it’s definitely been a while. Over a month. No posts in all of June. Frankly I have to say I don’t remember much of that month. It is all a blur. I think mostly I’ve played The Sims and watched “Charmed” on my computer. The last weeks has been totally warm and roasting, and as we all know; I don’t do well with heat as of now. So to me the last weeks have been a living hell basically. So even another reason to just sit still in front of the computer. I don’t know what I’d do without my beloved PC. *lol*

I’ve had hard times with chest pains lately. And for some time, and still a little tiny bit, I have been sure it is a heart attack waiting to happen. Even though I do know it is muscular. Being so obese it wouldn’t be that weird if I had an attack. This has given be a bit of a scare and fright; let us just leave it at that.

Now I just have to vent about something else... Since I was very very young I’ve felt somewhat different, and also slightly deviant. I have found it immensely hard to find someone or somewhere where I didn’t feel this. To this day I have only found it two places, and with two different people. Though some of my newer acquaintances might be such “safe” places too, but I yet have to meet them in real life to see if it is true. I know I’ve talked about in here before. It is something that comes from deep within, and it lives in the very core that is me. Other than that it is insanely hard to explain why this is very true to me. It just is. I just want to point out that this doesn’t mean that I have a need to be different because it sounds cool or anything of that sort, believe me! Neither does it mean that I can’t love, care and have a great time with my friends. It doesn’t. All of my friends are like family to me, and they are priceless in all their ways!! I just don’t want to hurt anyone by saying these things... Sometimes it gets to me, but most times it is just ok, as it is who I am. One of the differences, quite huge one, is something I’ve been going through, over and over in my mind and life lately. I’ve come to terms with this side of myself and embraced it with all my heart. It has always been there, but I have been subduing it ever since I was little. Now was the time to break out. I am not going to talk about it in here though, even if it leaves me a tad annoying. It is just too incomprehensible for most. I have told one friend of it, and boy was I nervous!! My heart was popping out of my body! She took it well, and I love her for it. She is amazing! I am not saying I won’t tell anyone else, ever, but time will tell. It felt good just to say that...

Still haven’t learned the result for my Bachelor thesis. Yaaawn, I am getting fucking tired of waiting, seriously! I hope we will learn it by this coming week. Please let it be a great grade!

Now, at least this was a wee update from my part of the world. I do read your blogs guys, but I haven’t been in a writer’s mood, not even commenting, so I am sorry! I’ll try to be a better friend!

I love you though...

Monsoon :-)