Life is good, and then you...

SMILE!

Lately I’ve found myself much more content with myself and my life, and that is a sensation I haven’t, candidly, had for many years. I might have felt happy at times, smiled and laughed, but I have to say that the kind I am experiencing right now comes from the deep. It comes from way inside of me. It begins in the toes, and swaddles and runs in every cell and pore in my body, and then it comes out in my eyes and smile. My face radiates happiness these days, and it feels so good. My mum told me the other day that there was a clarity to my eyes and face that she hadn’t seen since I was much younger. It is true. The best thing is that I know now that no one can take it away from me. It is up to me how I respond to life’s downs. I will pretend to hold problems in my hand, look at them, experience them, and then pretend to put them somewhere where they can be part of me. The biggest difference is that I won’t let them wholly consume me anymore. That doesn’t mean I can’t have pantsy days and bitch about it of course. I am still going to need that sometimes…

May-Bente is my first cousin, and she is two years older than me. She also grew up here, and our mums are siblings. She is a teacher, but is currently training to be a life coach, and I have been one of her “experiments”. I am gloriously happy that I signed up for it. She and I have gotten so much closer, plus we have managed to “save” me. To get me out of my humongous black hole… I’ve done the homework we’ve agreed on, and I am still doing them. Man is helps to be positive. I can’t understand I ever forgot that fact. I used to be much more positive, but too much negatives, bundles of it in a short time, took it away, and I never noticed it before it was “too late”.

I feel like a woman. It might sound weird, because needless to say I am a woman. (Just to clarify; I have never wanted to be a man, it has nothing to do with that) However, I have never really felt that inside. That whole woman-process started with Bob. Never in my whole life had I ever felt like a real woman, but he made me feel that. On a grand scale! I wanted to be his woman. To me the word woman holds a lot of things I’ve never been able to relate to, but thanks to Bob, my cousin May-Bente and my own journey, this is now a word I feel related to. It is all good. (Talking about Bob; I keep dreaming about him in my sleep, almost every night. Gosh! He is yum!)

Enough about that, but I just had to share as I am so exceedingly happy about it.

When I was a toddler I had white curly hair. Then when I was about 3, 5 my mum cut my hair, and my curls vanished never to be seen again. Sadly. However, lately my hair is getting more of its curls back. That is so weird. Yet very welcome. I adore wavy hair. Every time I wash my hair more curls show up. This picture was taken a month ago, and since then my hair has become curlier, especially in the front.

In Norway we call some of them “korketrekker” which translates to corkscrew. I don’t know if that is a word used in English for curls that look like a corkscrew, but that is how some of my curls look like. I do welcome the change though…

I read in the newspaper that masturbation can prevent hay-fever. It is the Iranian scientist Sina Zarrintan who claims so. No wonder I never have hay-fever… ;-) So needless to say I am definitely continuing down that path of prevention … Wee!

Take care!!

Favourite things

Just a little entry about new favourite things in my apartment; things that I love, appreciate and things that mean something to me. Priceless things they are...

I had an entry about this some other time too...

I adore brown bags like this, especially the kind I get at a local shop called “Krims & krams”. (Which kind of translates to knick-knacks) Oh, they sell the most gorgeous things. And every bag has a little life-wisdom attached to it, hanging from old-looking string. Just look:

The string says: Don't let your mind get overloaded with worries, because then there won't be enough space left for the things that do you good...

I visited this shop yesterday, and ended up with these things: a little cute box, a sign that says velkommen, which means welcome, and an antique looking chalk board for the kitchen. I am in love with these things, so they are now also a part of my favourite things...

This little box I got from Laura for Christmas, amongst other things. Her mum had painted it, and I think also used decoupage on it. It stands on a table in my living-room, together with the little box I bought yesterday.

This Matryoshka doll was a gift from Leila, aka Momiji ,for Christmas, together with a world history book. I had one with the exact same colours as a child, so this brings back nice memories. I keep it in my bookshelf.

This is a little box, which is originally a cheese box. I painted it and put little Swarovski pearls on it. It isn’t all that fabulous for outsiders, but I love it. It makes me happy. I love things that sparkle!!

This is a painting my brother did about two years ago. It makes me ponder and philosophize.

I really like having things around the house that are homemade.

Most of my wall art are made by me or my brother. But then I have these two pictures that aren’t:

This just spoke to me, and that saying is SO me! Fantasies are my "life". Love them.

While this one I chose because I adore Gustav Klimt. It calms me and my guests.

It is soothing to look at. It hangs behind my sofa.

And last but not least my mirror. I just bought it, and it was in gold. However, I painted it with purple and then with silver on top of there. I think it turned out fab! Now I only need to hang it up on my wall in here.

So, that was some of my favourite things at the moment... I am in love with them all!!

I am doing quite fine by the way... My first cousin has helped with her coaching. She's a gem!

Monsoon :-)

A little story

So, a few weeks ago someone sent something out of this country


so that it would reach someone in this country.





That was how the story started, at least for the thing that was sent... So then it travelled half around the globe. It was handled by many hands on the way, being tossed and thrown around. And arrived at its final destiantion in a wet and tired condition, poor thing!!

So today I went to pick up my post in my green mailbox. Here it is. It might just be the one with the humongous red arrow pointing at it. (I removed the last names and some first names of my neighbours’ boxes, and my own, for privacy...)



Anywhoooo... I opened the box, and in it was an orang-utan. Yeah, that’s right. But it was only a picture of one, on a card from Malaysia. Can you imagine!? Me? A card from exotic Malaysia!? I was so excited! I picked it up and placed it on the lid to take a picture of it.

Then I carried it in through this door

And sat down in this sofa to read it...

It was from Lynne, a fellow blogger and a friend. I kind of knew that, as I had participated in her Postcard/link exchange 2009. Read about it here. She told me that it was hot and humid there, and some other nice things. I am sure she had a great time there!!

And I do recommend Lynne’s blog(s). In “A Malaysian abroad” she, amongst others, looks at the differences and similarities between three countries to which she has a connection. Very interesting and funny! Check it out: A Malaysian abroad

The card was gorgeous. I love animals! I’d like to go to Malaysia and see all the beauty I am sure it holds. It is always so cool the see someone’s handwriting after knowing them “only” online for years. Seeing Lynne’s was no exception. I loved it. Such a cool handwriting, compared to mine. Yikes, mine is horrible. I have like ten different ways of writing a t. Bad.

In the end the card ended up on my fridge, like this.

So thanks Lynne dear, for the beautiful card! It was much appreciated!!

Emotional day

Very emotional today. Very. I just had to tell. I am fighting the tears, and I don't want to. I just watched "Stealing beauty", a film by Bernardo Bertolucci, and it moves me so. There isn't a lot of action, but there is beauty. eroticism. sensuality. vivid colours. stunning Liv. tension. Life and death. Only sad thing is that when seeing it I feel like I've wasted half my life. Wasted youth and beauty. I took it away from myself. It wasn't fair. I don't like what I did. I wish I could go back and smack me on the head. But then, I don't want to dwell. I want to see the beauty in NOW. In what I am now. There isn't only splendour in youth. I should know, "only" fancying people who are like 20 years my senior. Also, Jeremy Irons' eyes reminded me of another pair of eyes that I love. I don't think they actually look the same; it was more what they radiated. What you could sense from looking into them.  

I want eroticism in my life. I want to be wanton by someone else’s touch. I want to wear a skirt, and seduce someone. I want to flirt and play, run, and be chased down a green meadow. I want to love. And I want to be loved. I want to feel overwhelmed after sex. I am vulnerable now. Naked (not literally). I sit here telling you what I want, even though it might sound pathetic. I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck. This is me now, today.

I am going to get me a life that I like. 

A HUGE sigh of madness

I am in the middle of my home exam. It started yesterday, and ends tomorrow at 14.00. (2 pm) I hate research method, did I not mention that before, well I do. I loathe it. Not very interesting, and especially as it has nothing to do with social work at all. It is its own little boring subject, isn't it!?! And difficult too. Why do I need to discuss qualitative design of examination? Why oh why? And to look for variables, unities, median and such in a table? Yuk! It is supposed to prepare me for my Bachelors assignment. I don't see the connection really, as we don't have to be that scientific about it. Bugger, feck-fecity-feck...

EV 

Exam, history and stuff

History, I think it is my passion number one. It is like I never tire from reading, listening and watching historical themes. I find almost everything interesting. Persons of the past; even those who didn’t leave huge legacies are exciting. They all lived, had families, were someone’s daughter or son, worked, ate, fought, had children, had dreams, fantasised etc etc. Depending on when they lived, the way they did all this would differ from our way, accordingly. I find that appealing. That difference is the key. The thought of someone else living on the same land as I do now, and to think about how they lived their lives, excites me no end. Jæren, which is the name for the biggest flat rural area in Norway, and in which I live, was one of the first places to de-ice in here, 12 000 years ago. (The rest of the country finished de-icing 9000 years ago.) So I always ponder upon how things looked like then. When the ice first melted, and withdrew further inland, and created this fantastic landscape. Was there a woman my age here then, striving to get by? Fighting to feed her children. To find food. How did she communicate? Did she dream? What did she think thunder was? Did they respect the earth? Did she sing? Did she care about her looks? Her world was limited, but she could still have had hopes... What were they? Different than mine, of course, as her biggest concern was finding food... I wish I could go back in time and see. My biggest, unrealistic, dream is to travel back in time. Oh my, all the eras and all the historical moments I would have loved to be part of. I’ve just finished watching the whole Friends series, the fourth time since I got the series for Christmas 3 years ago. And you who have seen it know that Ross is always trying to talk about his job as a palaeontologist, yet no one wants to listen. How? Why? I don’t get it! Of the 6 he has the most interesting job, according to me. If I had a friend who was a historian, a palaeontologist or something like that, I’d give them no peace. I would relentlessly nag them to tell me about work. I think for me the most interesting job would be archaeologist. Wow. That’d be brilliant. When I was a child I wanted to be three things; archaeologist, actress or a “star” (star was a collective term for all types of celebrities) Yes, I can see that I have totally fulfilled my childhood wishes... Applause!

Lately my ears have been beeping. To be honest I thought it was the TV, and thought I had to get a new TV. But then today I realized that it was my ears that were making the horribly high sound. I cried in my bed, as I got really scared. I’ve always said that if I got tinnitus I’d go and fucking kill myself, that is how scared I am of that. I have read about it on the net, and found that certain medication and also high blood pressure can cause it. I’ve never had high blood pressure, miraculously, but perhaps I’ve gotten it now. Who knows? To be honest, if the beeping continues, I have to see a doctor, and please God that it “only” is high blood pressure or something else treatable. As we all know tinnitus is not so much treatable.

Tomorrow I am starting my last exam of my study, as I after that only have my BIG Bachelor assignment left. So as I was saying, my last exam starts tomorrow. It is a two-day home exam and the subject is research method, and my feeling towards it is this; I could not give a rat’s ass. (To use a very “trashy” expression...) I don’t want to! The whole subject bores me no end. It means nothing to me, and it doesn’t have anything to do with my discipline. However, I should shut my gobshite and be insanely grateful that I am able to get higher education. I mean, people in many other countries can’t even afford it, as it costs too much. Here it is free for everyone, so I should be glad of it.

A few posts below i talked about dreaming of living in Spain. I’ve looked on houses, flats and all, to see what I could afford. I think I will be ok, for renting. The BIG dream is however to buy a house one day. Only problem is that this is what I would love: Ooooh looooovely...


And this is what I probably could afford. Bummer! But who knows, I might become richer, moneywise. I will start thinking rich... Haha!

Gotta go now.

EV :-)

FECK

Just HAD to express my annoyance and rage against the new ugly arse and messy-looking design of the "follower" thing. Why blogger, why destroy something that did look nice. I might have to remove it from my page, as I don't want some blasted google friend connector on my page. Take it away you twats!! Aaaarghh!!! *^"X?¤&!%"¤#=?! I want my blog to look neat and tidy, and now it doesn't. That blue colour on the gadget, and the white button!! Eeek! 

Una cartolina da Barcellona

When I went to get the mail today I was so happy to find a beautiful card from Laura in there amongst all the advertising leaflets. She was in Barcelona last weekend. Here it is on my fridge.

Yay! Thank you so much Laura. Ti voglio bene amica mia!! It was so good of you to send me one. I took a picture of my fridge-thingys. I bet Martha will find a familiar thing or three there too.

Talking about Spain… Oooh, how I want to go live there for a period of time. I am still trying to figure out where I should go. I’d like to go where it isn’t the most expensive, plus not too “mountainy”… I am seriously considering the province Huelva in south-west Spain. It borders to Portugal. It does look really nice. I’d prefer the coast, kinda, as that is what I am used to. I do not feel free when I can’t see some sort of coast/water line near me. I could “never” (I use the “ sign as my motto actually is never say never, soo…) live in the middle of Europe, in countries with no coast, nor in places with huge mountains. I feel trapped. No, gotta love a coastline. Like these pictures from around here shows:

Ok, as you’ve probably have noticed I have a gadget on my blog where I can see how many people have visited, and from which country. On that page I can choose other statistics too, and one of them is to see from which city people are from. In the last two weeks, or so, I’ve noticed someone from MY place. That has hardly ever happened before, not with the actual name. A place nearby, like bigger cities and stuff, might have been mentioned, but never MY place like. I have to admit, I feel a bit uneasy and queasy about it. Suddenly I am all self-conscious, restrained and wanting to re-read my whole blog removing all the weird stuff. I am really wondering who it is. Paranoid much!? Haha! But I do seriously feel less free… Is that odd? I don’t think it is. This is such a small place, and let’s be honest; I haven’t exactly written discreetly or delicately. I have been brutally honest and straight forward. *pondering* what to do, what to do…

Right now I am going to go read my interior magazine that I bought today, and then make me some dinner. Pasta with mince meat and tomato purée and stuff… I like that, like a lot!

Lovey dovey EV xxx