Comparison of my two faces

No text today, just these photos of me; I need to "brag" a little... Proud as I am ;-) This is me at, almost, my biggest, and then today. It's eerie when you put them together like that and really see the difference... Yikes! It's almost unreal to me that I have been SO much bigger. I feel it was another person really. Good riddance I say! 

Click on photos for a bigger version... 

Bargain

One thing really annoys me with this country; the lack of good organic food. Come on! The district in which I live in is the most important agricultural area in Norway, and yet the range of local produce and especially organic food is frighteningly bad. And what you find is so expensive only really rich people can afford to buy it on a regular basis. It's the same with food low in fat too. BBQ sausages with ordinary levels of fat cost around 35 NOK, for 20 sausages, while 10 low fat BBQ sausages cost 58 NOK. Why? "Oh, we remove some fat, and therefore we must triple the price?!" It's like this; the government are worried about the increase in overweight and obese people in this country, especially in children and teens, and yet; healthy things like vegetables, fruit, organic and also low fat products are more than double the price. In the case of the sausages it is tripled. How can low income families afford this, which under the circumstances only can be described as extravaganza? They can't. A store bought readymade pizza, or other readymade dishes are cheap choices, and so of course this is the type of food they buy. They have the choice; buy healthy and then be short on food and other necessities. Or, buy rather unhealthy and have enough for food and more. What would you do? I'd go for the readymade, even though it would kill me to know that my kids had to eat crap. It is a shame that this is the situation in this country. And I get so irate thinking about it. There's many times I can't afford the more expensive stuff either, as I have little money. And every time I am so mad about it that I just have to try not to think about it, otherwise I'd go mental. In addition; the overall choice of variety in grocery shops and stuff is really bad too. To put it into extremes; what's the point of being one of the wealthiest countries in the world when the selection in supermarkets sucks anyway!?

Today I've sat in front of my computer and I've listened to music and sung. I mean, really sung, out loud with all the voice I have. I love it. I've sung songs from the musical "Which Witch", The Who, Codes, The Doors and many more. Who could live without music, I know I couldn't. Music is like a necessity of life. It suits every emotion I feel and every mood that I am in. It's like Pete - Rock God - Townshend said; "Rock won't eliminate your problems, but it will sort of let you dance all over them". So, I say; let's dance! ... and so I did. ;-)

In the weight department I haven't lost a lot in the last two weeks. The reasons for that are several. One of them being that I haven't been as strict with myself as I should be. Apparently my dictatorship is needed, so onwards and upwards, or is that downwards to me, since I want to lose weight!?

I don't have more to say today, so I'll end with a funny excerpt of a short conversation from The Nanny where Mary Ruth have been bugging Mr Anthony and prying into his personal life...

Mr Anthony: So I guess you're one of those women who wants to reach out to people?
Mary Ruth: Yes
Mr Anthony: Fight that!

Love Monsoon :-)

Baby with Barack

So... Weird dream last night. Mind you, it was nice too in a certain sense... I lived for a while in USA, and somehow ended up having a love affair with Barack Obama. It all lasted quite a while, and I ended up pregnant in the end. Since he was still a president I was paid 15 million $ to keep it hush, at least until he wasn't in presidency any more. He was also going to come forward to his wife about the whole thing, but all in good time. He was so nice with us and kept in touch all through the pregnancy, and at last I gave birth to a girl whom I named Tula Belle, after my mum and B himself. *lol* He also kept a lot in touch in the years following. Me, my girl and my dear friend Laura moved to the outskirts of Adelaide in Australia. I had bought a nice house with a private beach and behind the house all the greenery one could wish for. Really secluded, and yet quite near the city. We had a great life there. I'd love for one part of that dream to come true; getting loads of money so that I could buy a house in Aus and Spain etc... ;-) And also for me and Laura to be able to move to Aus and live together as friends in a nice place. One can dream... But, at least that isn't a dream that can never be realised, thank God!

Needless to say I simply HAD to play around with this idea, and this is the result; two versions of Tula Belle as an infant and a toddler... ;-) Teeth looking weird due to the 'morpher' I guess. Some forehead on her though!

So, now I'm 36. Had a good day. Didn't celebrate at all. But that was because I didn't want to. Honestly I didn't feel like sitting and watching everyone else stuffing their faces with gorgeous food and scrumptious cakes, while I eat a slice of dry bread... Slightly exaggerated, but since I have a strict rule to keep to; no sweets/ice-cream/cookies etc until my birthday next year, this is why I chose to not party. I have to face that kind of scenario a lot otherwise, and so since I am not that strong against the sweets yet, I figured why not decide what's best for me, on my own birthday!?! I had my friend Judit and her husband over in the evening though, as they were home for a holiday. During the day I mostly watched The Nanny, danced and sang. I had a great day. I like my solitude. I got tons of birthday wishes though, and I am so thankful for all my beautiful friends!! 

A week and a half ago I met Ciara, the girl I minded as an AU-pair in Ireland. I hadn't seen her since January 2002, when she was 13,5. She was now 22 and had grown into a beautiful, smart, eloquent, funny, interesting and great young woman. We hit it off like it was only yesterday we talked. I picked her up in Stavanger and drove home to my place, and we talked and talked... Like Ciara said;..."it was like a conversation that we just continued..." SO true. Here's a photo of the two of us at my parents. Can't wait to see her again, and also the rest of them of course!


Well, I am doing fine at the moment. A bit restless and anxious about my search for employment. I hope it will sort itself out soon.

Much love, blue sky and sunshine xxx

Oooh

Oh my God!!! I got all excited because I noticed a visitor from Adelaide in Australia. Oooh, I can't believe it. From my dream city!! Who are you!? Yeah, just had to say... Mental I am, I know... My head is doing me in today, in a very serious manner. And tomorrow is my birthday. Can't believe I am thirty-bloody-six years old... Yikes and more! 

Might be boring but it's all I got right now...

Birthday: August 2nd.
Birthplace: Stavanger
Eye colour: bluish
Hair colour: blondish
Height: 5'7
Right handed or left handed? Ambidextrous
Your heritage: Norwegian
My worst habit: obsessing about my age and th lines and wrinkles which are sneaking upon me  
Zodiac sign: Leo
Shoe size: 4 in UK sizes, 5 in US and 37 in Europe 
Innie or outie? Both!
Parents still together? Yes, 44 years! (since 14 and 16)
The shoes you wore today: Red adidas runners  
Your fears: spiders, fire and being on a sinking boat/ship
Thoughts first waking up: Hmmm... Must open those roller blinds
Your best physical feature: Eyes I think
Your bedtime: ranging from 11 and 01.30
Your most missed memory: Feeling totally free and inhibited

MY FAVOURITES

Favourite colour? Green and red
Food? "komle", a traditional Norwegian dish
Sport? I walk a lot, but to watch: football/soccer and handball
Animal? Sheep, cats and gerbils, but I love all animals
Ice Cream? "Sun lolly" and every sort that my cousin makes
Store? Clas Ohlson
Salad dressing? Don't really like it
Actor? Yikes, can't choose...
Song? Well right now it's "Codes" with "You are here"
Holiday? Christmas, I love the traditions that come with it
Season? Spring
Radio station? Don't listen to radio
Scent besides perfume? The smells of spring, sea, wet forest/wood
Body part on the opposite/same sex? Eyes, hips, nose and thighs

DO YOU

Swear? Yes, unfortunately, like a sailor at times. Would like to stop though
Sing well? I can if I try
Want to get married? It’s all the same to me really
Believe in yourself? Most of the time
Get motion sickness? Yes, in a car and bus, especially
Like thunderstorms? Yeah I do. Fantastic to look at!
Go to church? Not really
Sleep with stuffed animals? No, stopped at 14, but my teddy (aged 36) sits in my bedroom, like an ornament, poor thing.
Keep a journal/diary? Oh do I ever? Yes, since the age of 10
Dance in the rain? Love it!
Sing in the shower? I even dance!

THIS OR THAT

Pepsi or Coke? Neither, but Cola Zero is good
McDonald's or Burger King? Neither
Single or group dates? Single, if I must date…
Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate, give me chocolate!!
Strawberries or Blueberries? Both
Meat or veggies? I do like my meat
TV or movie? Depends, if there's anything to learn; TV
Guitar or drums? Couldn’t live without either
Adidas or Nike? Adidas
Chinese or Mexican? I think Chinese
Cheerios or Cornflakes? Neither, I prefer 4- korn, a 100 % natural un-processed whole grain muesli mix
Cake or pie? Not a big cake person, but if I were to be offered a slice of heaven, read: brownie, I'd have a go at it!


CAN YOU

Do the splits? Not any more, working on it though
Write with both hands? Yes, I am in fact ambidextrous
Whistle? Not very well, to my big annoyance
Blow a bubble? Course!
Roll your tongue in a circle? Heck yeah!
Cross your eyes? Yes, sometimes I even do it unintentionally
Walk with your toes curled? Yes, but it’s not an inclination I have.
Touch your tongue to your nose? No, but almost.
Dance? Yes, I think I have to say yes.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON

You touched: Tonje
You talked to on the phone: Ciara
You instant messaged: You mean sms? In that case; Ciara
You hugged: Arne, my friend Irene's husband when saying bye
You yelled at: My brother
You played a sport with: my handball team years ago

WHAT'S THE LAST

Time you laughed? Yesterday when out walking
Time you cried? When I watched the film "Haven"
Movie you watched? Sense and sensibility
Flavour of gum you chewed? Don't really chew gum
Joke you told? One about an eye doctor

RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT

Where are you? At home
What can you see out your window? Pure darkness, as all the streetlights of this village are out
Are you listening to music? What kind of questions is that, of course I am!
What are you wearing? Jeans and blue t-shirt
What's on your mouse pad? It is just all black

BELIEFS

Do you believe there is life on other planets? Yes, at least I hope so. Especially after watching the BBC documentary “Space” AMAZING!!
Do you believe in miracles? Yes I do
Magic? Oh yes
Love at first sight? How could I not!?
God? Yes
Satan? Hmmm… define Satan…
Ghosts? Yes
Santa? Not really, no

IN A GIRL/GUY...

Fav eye colour: BROWN!!
Fav hair colour: I have no preference, oddly enough
Short or long hair: short(ish) for men, whatever for girls
Height: tall, yes I like them very tall, but that's mostly in men though
Weight: doesn’t matter, but I have to admit I am attracted to slender men
Clothing style: I don't like garbage looks and metro sexual clothing on men. *chills*
What attracts you most: Intelligence, a good character, people passionate about things that revolves around history, charms, eloquence, humour, "giddyness", people with passionate personalities, inspiring people, and people who care about the earth

RANDOM

What country would you most like to visit? Italy, England, Spain, Australia ++++
Number Of CD's I Own: Gees, that must be hundreds
Your Good Luck Charm: a tattoo, which is actually of an Icelandic good luck charm.
How many pillows do you sleep with? One, a tempur one.
Do you drink milk? Only when I eat whole grains for breakfast
Do you think God has a gender? God manifests as a he in my head...
Where do you think we go when we die? To an afterlife
How many rings until you answer the phone? 3-4
What is something scientists need to invent? Cures for horrendous diseases
Are you a health freak? Not a freak, but rather trying to eat healthy in a moderate way
Are you a virgin? Yes, my last relationship lasted six years and we waited…
If you could travel into space, where would YOU GO? Oh my God, how exciting! Just to be able to see our beautiful planet from outer space. I'd swoon...
What is the worst weather? When it is raining horizontally
Did you play with Barbies as a child? Oh did I ever? A lot! I had about three million dolls.
How many grades have you failed? None! I am brains on legs…

Californicated

I love the series "Californication". I think it has so much depth to it. Much more than you think when you watch the first episode. It is hardcore, it's raw, it's bare, it's talk about vagina's and dicks, it shows you just how fucked up and shitty life can be and get, it's true and real, it's not polished to look like everybody and everything is just purdy and lovely. They talk about sex in ways that might blow your hat off, but I love that. Rarely have I laughed out loudly whilst watching a series like that, but I do with this. It is bloody brilliant! It is also a show that is highly inspiring to me. It makes me want to write. Let's hope I will be inspired enough to write something really long, preferably a book.

Still doing great. Actually splendid, and today I "discovered" a new band called "Codes". They're a Dublin based alternative/electronic band, and they sound great. They suit me right now. The rhythms suit my mood, the "old/new" me, and they're Irish aren't they?! Dublin; my kind of city. I miss it so much. I can't wait to go there again. God. I watched a clip from a film called "Once" the other day, and it is filmed in Dublin. (see it here; it's an amazing song) Seeing Grafton street, and Stephens Green made me weep. Tears just started running down my cheeks... LOVE Ireland. LOVE Dublin.

Yeah, as I was saying, I am doing bloody great. It feels so good being me right now, that I almost want to explode. I am proud of myself, because I am so strong, so unflinching, so determined and I "only" have eyes on the goal, which is of course a slender...ish body ;-) I am wholly surprised by the force I have, and also glad that it's there. Getting the surgery and the aftermath of all the changes in your body; going almost bald, your taste buds all screwed up (for instance my earlier favourite meat, chicken, now tastes like blood) your none-existing lust for food as a whole, and not to mention all the horrendous aches and pains that derive from a body growing thinner, you surely need your strength. I am truly experiencing life. I cry, I laugh, I feel sad, I feel lonely, but it's all good. It's just part of me, part of my life, and I am not going to eat it away. Instead I embrace it and rest in knowing that it's OK to really feel. Oh, and the scale keeps on showing smaller and smaller numbers by the day. As of today it's down 118 lbs/53,5 kilos. Two more kilos and I will be the same as I was 10,5 years ago when I first met my now ex-girlfriend. Yes! Victory! :-)

In the last year or so a (blog) friend of mine and I have grown even closer than before. We've known each other for 4 years, and it seems that the contact between us is increasing all the time. She is a remarkable person and friend, and I am so grateful for having her in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you Laura. You are my rock, and I love you for ALL that you are!! Isn't it strange just how close it is possible to feel to someone who actually you've never met, and who lives, in this case, in Italy. I actually feel very close to many of my blog friends, despite the fact we've never met either. Love and compassion can definitely grow and prosper via long-distance friendships. Thank God!

Well, signing off whilst listening to "Codes".

Sunshine and love - Monsoon

Bedsharing

There is one thing about relationships that I do not miss; sleeping in the same bed as someone else. I am what you could call anti-social and anti-cuddly when I am about to sleep. I have never ever liked sleeping in the same bedroom as someone else. Can you imagine the school trips and alike? *chills* I am fussy, I hate other peoples sounds in bed; breathing, writhing, tossing, coughing, snoring, sneezing, blowing nose, and teeth grinding. However, there is more to add to the reasons of why I don't like sharing bedroom. I don't like other people:

• hearing MY sounds
• see me twist and turn like there's no tomorrow
• hearing me blow my nose, because there's just that little tiny "thing" in there I can't get out, and it annoys the flipping daylights out of me
• Snoring and gasping for air when I stop breathing in my sleep
• Sniffing nose spray like it's good for me...
• Hearing me talk in my sleep, and I do this A LOT! (just ask my ex, I even have my own language)
• seeing me smearing myself in with a gazillion creams, one of reach body part, (and it is imperative to me that this actually happens in bed; there's no other place it can be done!!)
• seeing me getting up time and time again to try to remove minuscule grains of sand that a normal eye couldn't see, even if their lives depended on it; however, my body feels it, and my eye can see it. (I am the real life Princess and the Pea)
• hearing me cough like I am trying to conjure a hairball the size of a melon
• seeing me clip my toenails in bed, and throw them on the floor to pick up the day after, only to forget... I am disgusting! :-) (I do remove them eventually!)
• hearing me talk to myself and day dreaming and fantasising before drifting into dreamville. And lots more.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I am not a smidge better myself. I might even be worse. I might even be a living horrendous nightmare to sleep beside. So, I guess I am admitting that I truly feel more sorry for the person who ends up next to me, rather than for myself... I hope that I more than make up for all these nightly terrors in other ways though ;-)

What I can't understand also, is those folks who actually have one big duvet/cover that they share in a tiny bed. Oh dear God, I am serious. How could this be a fact? If my ex brushed against me while sleeping I would first of all wake up, and if it happened before I fell asleep I would feel annoyed because it tickled me. She was the same, so we slept on a BIG bed and on each our own edge... I need my own duvet, as I like to curl it all around my body, around my toes and up with my face. I see in films and TV-series that couples fight over the duvet. Stop it! So silly. There's an easy and beautiful solution to your problem; buy two duvets!

I am very annoyed with blogger at the moment. ALL my comments, well as good as all, have disappeared from my blog. And this has happened for the year 2006, the year I got to know most of my great blog friends. I went back to find out the exact date for the start of my friendship with wonderful Laura, but no comment. Bugger! I am extremely vexed by it. I know I didn't delete anything!! And I was even planning on making my blog a book with comments and all, for me to enjoy in my 80-90s. Grrr...

So, 50 kilos lost. I am doing very well also. I am content! My project is still in its infancy, but very much alive. I hope to one day be the bearer of bloody brilliant news on that subject! I think I am getting more food in as well. Now I only need to really get off my arse to do more exercise. It's hard to get starting, but I have done some in the last week. I love taking walks in the out an about, so why don't I do it more? Good question. Hard answer.

I just need to clarify; I LOVE cuddling and all sorts of intimacy, just not when I am going to sleep. Just so you don't think I am scared of being touched... :-) 

I shall go now. My heart goes out to Elise who lost a very dearly loved uncle recently. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Smothering hugs - Monsoon

Sharing a couple of picture of two recent walks; one by the sea and one in the forest

Cleaning out my closet

Hoist the flag, call the BBC and CNN, hold the front page; for I have blogged twice in ONE week!!! I actually surpass myself here. :-) 

The sun is out, yet it's awfully cold for the end of June. It surely doesn't look like we're getting any nice and warm weather. I'll survive, but I feel sorry for the many Norwegians having worked as crazy for a year, looking forward to a vacation with warm, inspiring and "battery-charging" weather, and then it doesn't happen... 

I so envy my friend Irene and her family. They are on vacation in England now. It sounded like such a terrific and enjoyable vacation. I am, like stated before, quite a big Anglophile, and yet I've never really been there. I've been to the United Kingdom, as I've been in Northern-Ireland, but that's it. If we don't count the airports in London, and we don't. Well at least I've trod on English soil. Seriously, I MUST go there very soon. It's only a short flight for me, so. Plus I have a great Norwegian friend who has emigrated to England (London), and also one dear blogfriend in Scotland as well. Lots to see, lots to do! And, yesterday I took a test on facebook that asked "What is your Euro-persona?", and mine said British, so then it must be true; me and Britain go together really well. ;-) 

I've thrown a lot of useless baggy clothes today, really cleaning out my closet. (If they weren't literally falling apart, I would have given them to the Salvation army for them to sell, but they are brittle...) They look like tents when I put them on now. Make me look fatter than I am, and I don't want that now! It felt almost cathartic to throw them out. Good riddance, bygones, and never again! Just had to share this photo. Even my clothes have been on a diet, apparently. *lol* 

When I laid them down beside each other I could see the difference. The green one was found crumpled in the dresser, so excuse the creased look. Also this one was quite tight when I was at my biggest, and I had to sit in a "yoga position" with the t-shirt like on this picture,

to widen it so that it wouldn't look like a bathing suit on me. (yes, that IS me... I'm acting really silly, I guess it was because I was only just out of bed... I have an inclination to be a bit peculiar, jocular and mad first thing in the morning) The blue one fits just perfectly now. Not too wide nor too tight. Can't wait for that to be too big as well. 

Still feeling upbeat and content, and I intend for things to stay that way for a while. 

Now I am going to tidy while I listen to music and sing out loudly!