HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY TOR EGIL!! (my brother)
¡Hola amigos! ¿Qué tal?
Yes, I had Spanish mock today. I think it went ok, but it's all very stressing as I only have 1,5 hours to complete it. At that time they even expect an essay! I had no time to look for grammar mistakes after finishing it, and that is very vexing. Let's just hope it went well. And oh yeah; got a 5 on my math mock. I was very pleased, yet irritated because I had done some slips of the pen. Aarghh! When looking at in now I think; what the hell was I thinking? Who doesn't know how to find the acreage of a triangle? Apparently I don't. It is shocking to me that mistakes like that can be done. Cop on!!
Later on today I met Bob. After talking to him my body went into this trembling state, and my pulse was beating like I had been running for three years straight. When he smiles my heart skips a beat, and I am sure it even stops to collect itself from looking at that fine fine man...*lol* Oooh... He melts me. Could I want him more?!?
Had chinese take-away today, all alone. The food tasted superb though. Eva is at her boyfriend's. 6 weeks since they saw each other last. Poor guys!
I don't have more to say. I am a bit tired... Should go to bed, but there is something on the telly I want to see, and that starts at around midnight I think.
Hugs from Monsoon :-)
Friday, March 24, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
And now for something completely different, or!?
Monday I talked to my ex-girlfriend, hereafter called IM. I was nervous, because I was going to try to get her talking about us and what we had. Well, not talk as in "I want you back", more like as in "I want to move forward".
I have never been able to ask for her forgiveness before. Other times I have tried to do so she has replied "bygones", in a most nonchalant voice, like it never meant anything to her.
But now that it's been 4 months since we really broke up, she was able to receive my apology. I cried afterwards. Cried because I was relieved and I felt that I could finally let her go. She is happy now, she has someone who wants the same in life as she does.
IM and I had a fantastic relationship in many ways, but it lacked some serious things as well. We had one really big disagreement, which was that she wanted children, and I didn't. To her this was really important, and she utterly needed kids in her life. As for me; not so much. I never wanted kids. (for the record; I love kids, and they totally love me, but I just don't want my own...) Compromise? No! One might compromise over a sofa, a car, and even a pet, but you just do not compromise over having a child or not.
To me there were other aspects with the relationship that weren't right. And for her too. But we always just kinda overlooked those problems, and never faced them. I think neither of us could imagine life without the other. We were soo close! And so damn addicted of each other's company. We never even once went shopping without the other one. A bit insane actually... But, like I've said before; we met at a very vulnerable time for both of us, and we needed that comfort during those years. But not anymore. We're stronger now, we're more confident, and we are ready to "face the enemy".
So then it happened. Just like that I fell in love with someone else. I never forget the day I realized that this is for real. Terror! Never in a million years had I thought this would happen to me. I am always so faithful, but now I found myself thinking about Bob 24-7. He was, and still is, on my mind all the fucking time. He must be tired from running up there in my brain. *lol*. Kidding aside; I felt terrible, but at the same time I felt great, and more alive since forever. The way he makes me feel, without us being involved at all, is unbelievable. He has given me faith in myself, and my own capability, and also that I'm worth the effort. It's very hard to explain. But he brings out the best in me, in all ways possible. And that is even without him saying or doing anything special. He has, at least before, told me that I am intelligent and well-spoken, and for some reason; when he says so, I believe it.
It was probably for the best that IM dumped me. I don't think any of us were totally happy with how things were. I now think that my crush gave us the right perspective, and it forced us to take a long hard look on what we had, and to whether we were content in the relationship or not. As is turned out; we weren't. For me a good sign that something is wrong is if one of you fall in love outside the relationship. If everything is grand you have no reason to look elsewhere. You don't shop around, unconsciously or deliberately, if you're truly happy where you are. Of course; crushes might occur in life, but when the crushes turn into love and last way too long for a crush, then it's time to take a look. And that doesn't necessarily mean that you should break up, obviously not. But to re-examine and to see what you might be lacking... Right? This is merely my opinion...
But I feel so much better after the talk on Monday. It's like a burden was taken off my shoulders. I am ready to really let go of her, and to appreciate what we had, and what we meant to each other those years.
I haven't seen her in almost 5 months now. But as atumn comes we have agreed to meet. You see she studies the same as I will be studying. She starts her second year as I start my first, and to meet in the halls at school for the first time in almost a year, would be too awkward.
Bob is still lovely. Just cut his hair, oh boy! So sexy! He is incomprehensibly fantastic as a person. I only wish I could have gotten to know him much better. Somehow I just feel hugely connected to him, even when no words are spoken. Peculiar...
I am in a good mood today. Hopefully the Spanish mock will go well tomorrow, better than the math. Fuck my silly dimwit brains that can't even do "percentage maths" right.
Monsoon *singing along to a song called Undiscovered*
Monday I talked to my ex-girlfriend, hereafter called IM. I was nervous, because I was going to try to get her talking about us and what we had. Well, not talk as in "I want you back", more like as in "I want to move forward".
I have never been able to ask for her forgiveness before. Other times I have tried to do so she has replied "bygones", in a most nonchalant voice, like it never meant anything to her.
But now that it's been 4 months since we really broke up, she was able to receive my apology. I cried afterwards. Cried because I was relieved and I felt that I could finally let her go. She is happy now, she has someone who wants the same in life as she does.
IM and I had a fantastic relationship in many ways, but it lacked some serious things as well. We had one really big disagreement, which was that she wanted children, and I didn't. To her this was really important, and she utterly needed kids in her life. As for me; not so much. I never wanted kids. (for the record; I love kids, and they totally love me, but I just don't want my own...) Compromise? No! One might compromise over a sofa, a car, and even a pet, but you just do not compromise over having a child or not.
To me there were other aspects with the relationship that weren't right. And for her too. But we always just kinda overlooked those problems, and never faced them. I think neither of us could imagine life without the other. We were soo close! And so damn addicted of each other's company. We never even once went shopping without the other one. A bit insane actually... But, like I've said before; we met at a very vulnerable time for both of us, and we needed that comfort during those years. But not anymore. We're stronger now, we're more confident, and we are ready to "face the enemy".
So then it happened. Just like that I fell in love with someone else. I never forget the day I realized that this is for real. Terror! Never in a million years had I thought this would happen to me. I am always so faithful, but now I found myself thinking about Bob 24-7. He was, and still is, on my mind all the fucking time. He must be tired from running up there in my brain. *lol*. Kidding aside; I felt terrible, but at the same time I felt great, and more alive since forever. The way he makes me feel, without us being involved at all, is unbelievable. He has given me faith in myself, and my own capability, and also that I'm worth the effort. It's very hard to explain. But he brings out the best in me, in all ways possible. And that is even without him saying or doing anything special. He has, at least before, told me that I am intelligent and well-spoken, and for some reason; when he says so, I believe it.
It was probably for the best that IM dumped me. I don't think any of us were totally happy with how things were. I now think that my crush gave us the right perspective, and it forced us to take a long hard look on what we had, and to whether we were content in the relationship or not. As is turned out; we weren't. For me a good sign that something is wrong is if one of you fall in love outside the relationship. If everything is grand you have no reason to look elsewhere. You don't shop around, unconsciously or deliberately, if you're truly happy where you are. Of course; crushes might occur in life, but when the crushes turn into love and last way too long for a crush, then it's time to take a look. And that doesn't necessarily mean that you should break up, obviously not. But to re-examine and to see what you might be lacking... Right? This is merely my opinion...
But I feel so much better after the talk on Monday. It's like a burden was taken off my shoulders. I am ready to really let go of her, and to appreciate what we had, and what we meant to each other those years.
I haven't seen her in almost 5 months now. But as atumn comes we have agreed to meet. You see she studies the same as I will be studying. She starts her second year as I start my first, and to meet in the halls at school for the first time in almost a year, would be too awkward.
Bob is still lovely. Just cut his hair, oh boy! So sexy! He is incomprehensibly fantastic as a person. I only wish I could have gotten to know him much better. Somehow I just feel hugely connected to him, even when no words are spoken. Peculiar...
I am in a good mood today. Hopefully the Spanish mock will go well tomorrow, better than the math. Fuck my silly dimwit brains that can't even do "percentage maths" right.
Monsoon *singing along to a song called Undiscovered*
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
A little regret
For those of you who have read, and understood as it was in Norwegian, my poem from yesterday's blogentry: I have now deleted it due to the fact that I regretted putting it in.
First of all it was way too personal, and second of all; my friends have showed concern for me after reading it. They all think I am suicidal, or at least severely depressed. And truth be told; I am neither!
The poem showed very strong emotions, sadness, grief and sorrow, and also frustration over the whole thing. As you all know by now, *lol*, I am totally into this man. And I am really so incredibly saddened by the fact that he can never be mine. On Sunday, while writing the poem, I was very darkened out. That way my feelings, put into writing, became very dramatic, intense and strong sounding. It's just like that when I write...
So dear friends: Do not worry. I am not depressed, nor suicidal. I am quite content and happy, with almost all aspects of my life. Ok!?!
Have worked out twice this week, and I will do so tomorrow as well. Very pleased! But as I love to dance, it's no bother what so ever. Ok then... honestly, sometimes it is. Some days when I wake up, working out isn't the first thing that springs to mind. My body feels really drowsy, heavy, fat, lazy, stiff, and "unbendable". *hihi* But then I tell myself to feck off, and to get my arse moving. Moving towards the wardrobe to find my work-out-clothes. And as obedient as I am, I do. Then I sigh, look in the mirror at my horror face with matching terror-like hairstyle, and yawn at my own boring self, before filling the water bottle and putting on loud kick ass music. Then I am all set to dance the fat off my body. Woohoo!!
If I am in the "paranoid" mood, I sometimes get a bit worried that someone is watching as I dance. Is there a camera behind that mirror? And that antique rocking chair there, is it as innocent as it looks? Is my own webcamera on, and I am broadcasting live and uncensored?!? I am a sight for eyes and minds that need a good laugh; red sweat pants, knickers and a bra, that's all. What if anyone can see me? Oh jaysis, I'd bleedin kill myself! Fear not; I utterly promise NOT to put a picture of myself in here. I don't want to scare you the hell out of here. *lol*
After my math thing today my friend Stina and I got talking, and we talked about sex for almost two hours. We are very good at such things. She just gets me when it comes to sex. And I don't feel like a "deviant horn-dog" while talking to her about it. God! Where is the fun in being single? Especially when you're not interested in flings of any sort... Which I am not! Life is dull, so dull it hurts, in that department. *lol*
I am off school. We're having a mock exam week at school, so the days that you don't have mock exams you're off. Well, I guess we're meant to study of course. I was supposed to have my math yesterday, but for personal reasons I took it today instead. I haven't a clue how I've done. But I am already thinking about some stuff I'm sure I have solved incorrectly. Bollix!! I tend to lose my head, just because it is a more serious test... So annoying! But I have to say that if I score lower than 4 I think all hope is lost for me to get a 5 on the final exam. So let's keep fingers crossed that I end up on at least 4.
I have most likely managed to drain myself from all the crappy writing I am good for, for one day, so I'll stop now.
I am in a good mood, uplifted and giddy. Tomorrow I will practice for my Spanish test on Friday.
Monsoooooooon :-)
First of all it was way too personal, and second of all; my friends have showed concern for me after reading it. They all think I am suicidal, or at least severely depressed. And truth be told; I am neither!
The poem showed very strong emotions, sadness, grief and sorrow, and also frustration over the whole thing. As you all know by now, *lol*, I am totally into this man. And I am really so incredibly saddened by the fact that he can never be mine. On Sunday, while writing the poem, I was very darkened out. That way my feelings, put into writing, became very dramatic, intense and strong sounding. It's just like that when I write...
So dear friends: Do not worry. I am not depressed, nor suicidal. I am quite content and happy, with almost all aspects of my life. Ok!?!
Have worked out twice this week, and I will do so tomorrow as well. Very pleased! But as I love to dance, it's no bother what so ever. Ok then... honestly, sometimes it is. Some days when I wake up, working out isn't the first thing that springs to mind. My body feels really drowsy, heavy, fat, lazy, stiff, and "unbendable". *hihi* But then I tell myself to feck off, and to get my arse moving. Moving towards the wardrobe to find my work-out-clothes. And as obedient as I am, I do. Then I sigh, look in the mirror at my horror face with matching terror-like hairstyle, and yawn at my own boring self, before filling the water bottle and putting on loud kick ass music. Then I am all set to dance the fat off my body. Woohoo!!
If I am in the "paranoid" mood, I sometimes get a bit worried that someone is watching as I dance. Is there a camera behind that mirror? And that antique rocking chair there, is it as innocent as it looks? Is my own webcamera on, and I am broadcasting live and uncensored?!? I am a sight for eyes and minds that need a good laugh; red sweat pants, knickers and a bra, that's all. What if anyone can see me? Oh jaysis, I'd bleedin kill myself! Fear not; I utterly promise NOT to put a picture of myself in here. I don't want to scare you the hell out of here. *lol*
After my math thing today my friend Stina and I got talking, and we talked about sex for almost two hours. We are very good at such things. She just gets me when it comes to sex. And I don't feel like a "deviant horn-dog" while talking to her about it. God! Where is the fun in being single? Especially when you're not interested in flings of any sort... Which I am not! Life is dull, so dull it hurts, in that department. *lol*
I am off school. We're having a mock exam week at school, so the days that you don't have mock exams you're off. Well, I guess we're meant to study of course. I was supposed to have my math yesterday, but for personal reasons I took it today instead. I haven't a clue how I've done. But I am already thinking about some stuff I'm sure I have solved incorrectly. Bollix!! I tend to lose my head, just because it is a more serious test... So annoying! But I have to say that if I score lower than 4 I think all hope is lost for me to get a 5 on the final exam. So let's keep fingers crossed that I end up on at least 4.
I have most likely managed to drain myself from all the crappy writing I am good for, for one day, so I'll stop now.
I am in a good mood, uplifted and giddy. Tomorrow I will practice for my Spanish test on Friday.
Monsoooooooon :-)
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Some favourite female singers
Ashlee Simpson "Autobiography" "I am me"
Rachel Fuller "Cigarettes and housework"
some brilliant demos that can be found here:
http://iacmusic.com/Artist.aspx?ID=34727
+ some co-written with Pete Townshend
Aneta Langerova - Czech singer Her album: "Spousta Andelú"
Dolores O'Riordan from Cranberries
"Everybody else is doing it so why can't we"
"No need to argue"
"Bury the hatchet"
"Wake up and smell the coffee"
"To the faithful departed"
Shirley Manson from Garbage
"Garbage"
"Bleed like me"
"Beautiful garbage"
"Version 2.0"
Kate Bush
Too many albums to mention. But she is great!
Sonique"Hear my cry"
Alanis Morissette
"Jagged little pill"
"Supposed former infatuation junkie"
"Under rug swept"
"So-called chaos"
+ MTV-unplugged
Monday, March 20, 2006
Just for fun, I took this test
| Your Personality Is |
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofsoulareyouquiz/ |
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Let my love open the door
What a great song that is. Yes, I know I probably have said that like a million times before, but it's just that I totally love it. The lyrics, Pete's voice and the music too.
I've had a very musical day. Danced like crazy, doing my happy dancing, to a song called lala. Of all people it's a Ashlee Simpson song, but it's great, and it gets me in a great mood. Although feeling happy, I have felt very deep, thoughtful, melancholic and philosophic. I have found myself questioning everything around me. I have discussed history, my sad love life, the middle east conflict, astrology, occultism, ghosts and haunting, the afterlife, space and that whole question of "are we alone here", to which I don't think so.., and also the "unanswerable" questions: Why am I here, does my life have a purpose, is there something I am destined for, and will I find my path eventually?
Also I have thought about why I was to fall in love with Bob? Am I supposed to learn from this experience, and in that case; what the fuck is the learning? Why did life have to show me this person, and all his greatness, only to tell me that you can't have it? Am I not worthy of feeling and receiving such love for anyone. Such care, such strong feelings that makes me just want to scream! He makes me want to take him home and just be good to him, you know...
This Friday I was asking him about something, and I was leaning towards his desk. I nearly put my arm around him standing there... It feels so natural to me that I should be doing such a thing. I can't understand it. I have never been near him, I haven't even given him a hug.
It all very weird, indeed it is!
It's good to know though; time heals everything, and in the future he will be a memory, but a very memorable one I might add...
Forgot to say that I also got myself a new coat for outer wear yesterday. I have worn the same one for 4,5 years now, every bloody day, so it was about time I got a new one. It looks a bit similar, only not as worn out. Woohoo! It is two sizes smaller than the old one, and if it wasn't for my boobs I could have bought an even smaller size. They are great, I am not complaining, but they are a bit annoying sometimes... *lol*
I should go to bed. Long day ahead of me, doing tons of maths for my mock exam this week.
Love from Monsoon
I've had a very musical day. Danced like crazy, doing my happy dancing, to a song called lala. Of all people it's a Ashlee Simpson song, but it's great, and it gets me in a great mood. Although feeling happy, I have felt very deep, thoughtful, melancholic and philosophic. I have found myself questioning everything around me. I have discussed history, my sad love life, the middle east conflict, astrology, occultism, ghosts and haunting, the afterlife, space and that whole question of "are we alone here", to which I don't think so.., and also the "unanswerable" questions: Why am I here, does my life have a purpose, is there something I am destined for, and will I find my path eventually?
Also I have thought about why I was to fall in love with Bob? Am I supposed to learn from this experience, and in that case; what the fuck is the learning? Why did life have to show me this person, and all his greatness, only to tell me that you can't have it? Am I not worthy of feeling and receiving such love for anyone. Such care, such strong feelings that makes me just want to scream! He makes me want to take him home and just be good to him, you know...
This Friday I was asking him about something, and I was leaning towards his desk. I nearly put my arm around him standing there... It feels so natural to me that I should be doing such a thing. I can't understand it. I have never been near him, I haven't even given him a hug.
It all very weird, indeed it is!
It's good to know though; time heals everything, and in the future he will be a memory, but a very memorable one I might add...
Forgot to say that I also got myself a new coat for outer wear yesterday. I have worn the same one for 4,5 years now, every bloody day, so it was about time I got a new one. It looks a bit similar, only not as worn out. Woohoo! It is two sizes smaller than the old one, and if it wasn't for my boobs I could have bought an even smaller size. They are great, I am not complaining, but they are a bit annoying sometimes... *lol*
I should go to bed. Long day ahead of me, doing tons of maths for my mock exam this week.
Love from Monsoon
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Shopping; for once shockingly pleasant
Yes, you read correctly. It actually was pleasant, and that was thanks to the saleswoman at the shop I was at today. Remember I told you I had ordered clothes online for that wedding? Well, tried them on, and they were "out of this world way too big" for me. I don't know how to describe it, but mum and I roared laughing. The tank top, or should I say dress, was so big that the V-neck showed my entire cleavage, and bra. In other words it showed most of my boobs.. Oh, the funny sight!! The suit coat looked like a sack, especially since the fabric was thick linen. I looked like a huge sack of potatoes, with a human being inside of it. As you can imagine, insanely flattering. Oh bollix, I should have taken pics. You would have enjoyed the sight.
In spite of having to send them all back; it was pleasurable too. It's not every day I come upon clothes that are too big for me. *lol*
Anyhow, this morning my parents and I set out on a mission impossible, or so we thought...
"Find clothes for fat daughter." We went to a large shopping centre called "Kvadrat". Dad went to Clas Ohlson, which is a store that has everything that is exciting in this world. While mum and I went clothes shopping. I much rather would have wanted to go with dad... But, as it turned out the shopping wasn't stressing at all. The clerk was so helpful, and she wasn't at all judgmental of my size. I ended it with a beautiful v-neck top that had "fake diamond thingys" around the neck area. It was soo nice, and not too feminine, cause that would have had me in a fit! Also got a woman's suit coat. I have black trousers with white stripes, plus high heeled shoes to go with the rest. I think I will look quite good. The high heels aren't too high, and the heel is quite broad, otherwise I wouldn't be able to walk in them, as I'm so not used to wearing shoes with heels...
But now I will have to make dinner. It's almost 6 in the evening, and I am going to a friend's at 8.
Might write more later on....
Bob was gorgeous yesterday by the way.... Man is he great!
Monsoon :-)
In spite of having to send them all back; it was pleasurable too. It's not every day I come upon clothes that are too big for me. *lol*
Anyhow, this morning my parents and I set out on a mission impossible, or so we thought...
"Find clothes for fat daughter." We went to a large shopping centre called "Kvadrat". Dad went to Clas Ohlson, which is a store that has everything that is exciting in this world. While mum and I went clothes shopping. I much rather would have wanted to go with dad... But, as it turned out the shopping wasn't stressing at all. The clerk was so helpful, and she wasn't at all judgmental of my size. I ended it with a beautiful v-neck top that had "fake diamond thingys" around the neck area. It was soo nice, and not too feminine, cause that would have had me in a fit! Also got a woman's suit coat. I have black trousers with white stripes, plus high heeled shoes to go with the rest. I think I will look quite good. The high heels aren't too high, and the heel is quite broad, otherwise I wouldn't be able to walk in them, as I'm so not used to wearing shoes with heels...
But now I will have to make dinner. It's almost 6 in the evening, and I am going to a friend's at 8.
Might write more later on....
Bob was gorgeous yesterday by the way.... Man is he great!
Monsoon :-)
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