Winter non-wonderland

I spent most of 2008 being totally numb, just like I was a few years before January 12th 2005 as well. Like just existing, being here, yet not really living. I am finally beginning to feel that numbness leave my soul and body. I had a good cry yesterday, with my mum. Well, it wasn’t good as such, but it felt better afterwards. I talked about my lack of thrive at Uni, my embarrassment and shame for gaining weight yet again, and stuff like that. I just couldn’t keep the tears, and for a little while I was bawling. This is needless to say the reason why I haven’t been great at blogging. When most of my thoughts and feelings are negative, and I can’t even make myself to use sarcasm and irony, then what the fuck is the point of blogging?! It would just be a dark, depressing pile of crap. It’d be like reading something that made you feel like not getting up the day after. It would make you, my readers, dark too. So I stayed away and kept most of to myself. I can’t talk about it all, because then I just cry, simple as that. And then I lose the ability to speak, and we all know it doesn’t agree with me not being able to speak, so yes…
Anywhoooo… As I was saying; I think, and feel, that this is slowly, indeed-e-o very slowly, getting better. The pressure cooker that is my brain is loosening its grip, and the boiling is more like a simmer now. Which sounds better doesn’t it!?

I watched a birth video today, or the ending of it. A friend giving birth… MAN that made me cry. I watched it like 5 times. To see her baby girl being born was just amazing and incredible! Thanks so much for sharing Mox! Oh the beauty of birth...

I don’t want to talk about how many episodes of “Friends” I sat through today, but it was a lot. I mean, we’re talking more than three hands worth of fingers. Yes, I love that series. I really do. I never tire from it either somehow. Actually it keeps getting funnier for every time I watch it. But then, I do adore the odd sit-com. To be totally honest I guess you could say that I am a big sit-com freak! I “only” collect, or am finished collecting, these: Friends, Ellen, Men behaving badly, Will & Grace, Seinfeld, The Nanny, Mad about you, Married with children, Two and a half men, Father Ted and Absolutely fabulous. I loved a British one called Dressing for Breakfast. (That Holly Aird is cute!) But I was only able to watch some of it, because they didn’t send all the episodes here. I don’t know why I love comedies like these so much. I like laughing... so that must be it. Huh?!

So, I am so digging this song from “Uh huh her”. It is called Common reaction, and I don’t know what it is about it. The rhythm, the beat, the base, and their voices together are all amazing. It makes me feel things, experience emotions... I especially love the part that starts at 2.49 in this video. Though, I also adore Dreamer by them. You can listen to that here.

There's been a terrible blizzard. Lots of snow, and lots of wind, which is not a very good combination. The snow ploughs have been going around like shuttle service... My friend Eva lives at a place called Tonstad, and that is in a valley with mountains all over. She could only open her front door like 20 cm because of all the snow. Desperate!

Well I guess I’ll shut up now. At least I’m blogging a little again... Right!?

Love in heaps – EV

Followers

Just a quick note to say that I've added a "follower" gadget to  my blog. You can see it under my profile on the right hand side on my blog. You can add yourself as a follower... I'd be very happy if you did. You can also be anonymous! Then, if you'd like you can add such a gadget to your blog, and let me follow yours. Neat, eh!? I think it gives us the opportunity to expand our blog world, and whose blogs we visit... Give it a go! Pretty pleeeease! 

Huggies :-)

Ode to my blogger family

This is a picture of the newly painted window in my computer room/spare bedroom, which I redecorated summer - 08. It was so beautiful when this light stood there during Christmas. Plus I adore the curtain holders. The colour on the wall is also new, and I sooooo love it!! 

Ok, so I thought I would try to put some words down today. I haven’t blogged properly in ages. But like I’ve said before; it isn’t easy to write when you feel every word is stinking crappy. I can’t promise greatness in this post either, but I want to say hi nevertheless. 

This is a little ode to my blogger friends: I was just thinking about this blog and all the good things it has brought with it. And by that I for instance mean it’s been a great place for me to talk about everything that was on my mind. But the best it has brought is all the great friends I have gotten from all over the world... Some of you I have more private and frequent contact with than others, and the friendships have developed a lot in the last years. I actually talked on the phone with one of you, last week. It was Leila, or as you know her; Momiij who is a Russian living in Paris. We talked for 3 hours, and I loved it! I was a bit nervous beforehand, as you never know what it will be like, as talking on the phone can be difficult, even when you’ve met the person. But there wasn’t a silent moment! Thanks Leila dear!

I was going through my blog to find out for how long I’ve known you all. Martha-Anne came into my blog, and life, on December 29th 2005, so she was the first of you. (of those who stayed on...) I was immediately very intrigued as she lived in my childhood fantasy and dream place number one; Prince Edward Island in Canada. For those of you who have seen “Anne of Green Gables”, it was filmed there. Most of you came into my life during 2006 though; Laura (Italy) on July 20th, Lynne (Malaysian living in USA) on August 7th, Nina (USA) in August (can’t find the exact date for some reason) Moxie (Scotland) on August 20th, Rose-Marie (Sout- African living in Ireland) on October 26th, Leila/Momiji (Russian living in France) on October 19th, Shahrzad (Iran) on November 14th and Nora (Argentina) on May 1st in 2007  (from what I can see...) I also want to mention Karen (Vans) from USA, even though we haven't had any contact in ages. Couldn't find out when we met.

I can’t believe how long I’ve known you!! I just want to say to you all that I am immensely glad that I have you. You have meant so much to me and my mental state for the last 3 years. You have rooted for me when I didn’t believe in myself. You’ve cheered me on; believing in me and making me feel better about myself during the hard times. I tell all my other friends about you blogger-lot and my family too. I don’t care if they find it weird that I cherish people I’ve never met, in real life, this much. I just really don’t care one little bit. They know not of what they talk about, if that’s the case. So in short: THANK YOU; every single one of you. I love you guys!! 

It’s snowing here now. It has for a few days. I don’t like that so much. Makes driving a lot harder, for sure! 

I am in my final months of my study. Can you believe I am soon done? I can’t!! I ahve one home exam, and then I “just” have to write my Bachelor’s Degree paper/assignment. Right now I actually wish I could study more, as I am scared of having to start working. Scared I won’t be able to do a good job, and that my co-workers will dislike and judge me. Argh! I am so tired of being nervous for stuff like this! I will try to be positive. My surgery is in the making too. I still don’t know when, but I am really hoping it will be within the summer months! 

On Tuesday I found out that one of my best friends is pregnant. She has said she never wanted children, so it was quite a shock, but a pleasant one. I really am happy for her, and her man, and I am sure she will be a fantastic mother!! She has always been my support when I was trying to defend my own decision of not wanting children, so who am I going to count on now? *LOL* (People think you’re some kind of children hater you see) Now I am the only one of my all friends that has this view. I guess I have to realize that I am the deviant one here... haha! I already knew that, of course! 

Well, at least this was a little hi from this part of the world! 

Love EV

I just love myself...

...so much that I needed to upload tons of photos of myself! Kidding! But, I had a lot of fun playing around with this tool though. 

I just noticed that it is Putin I am with on one of the photos. I don't mean anything disrespectful towards your dear Russia Leila... Just had to tell... 

Gee!

A few pictures from my trip to the airport to pick up Cecilie (my brother's live-in girlfriend) The pictures aren't really great, as two of them were t aken out the car window, and with my mobile...

 

It has been four fucking years today. That is all I want to say about that! In case you wonder; for those of you who has read this blog a while, I will give three letters; B O B.

Meanwhile, I am anxiously awaiting the result of my exam of Dec 18th. They are late with the results, and I say bollix to them! I have checked our student web like 70 times today!!

I will try to write some soon. 

EV 

A summary of some sort

Hi!

Again, I've stolen something like this from Martha. Yikes. A little summary of the year that passed, in the form of a questionnaire... 

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Hmmm, pondering, I don’t think I did anything that new this year

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Didn’t make any at all…Not this year either. I don't believe in them!  

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, four friends; Rønnaug, Helene, Grete and Moxie

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, my dear granda died in April

5. What countries did you visit?

Haha, none… Haven’t been abroad since 2001

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Oh, there isn’t room for it all here, but better health stand out!

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 13th, because granda died

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

The two Bs on two big exams, passing my 6 month long work practice and redecorating my spare bedroom/PC-room

9. What was your biggest failure?

God only knows...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Just the usual headaches, sinusitis, neck and back problems and hip problem as well

11. What was the best thing you bought?

For me? The new furniture for my pc-room, Dell 22” PC monitor, PS2, books, wall stickers, little knick knacks for decorating the home

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Mum, "A dreamer" and amazing friends  

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

One “friend’s” in particular…

14. Where did most of your money go?

TV-series on DVD, electricity, Rent, DVD films, redecorating

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Nothing really, how sad is that. But perhaps Laura’s Graduation stand out!

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?

Uh huh her with "common reaction", Alanis Morissette with "Versions of violence" 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter, as usual
c) richer or poorer? Neither

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Being social with friends and moving my body even a little bit

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Eaten

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it at my parents' house

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Nope

22. How many one-night stands?

Yeah right, me and a one-night stand, I don’t think so! So none!

23. What was your favourite TV program?

CSI, Will and Grace, documentaries, Miami Ink, Small people in a big world

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

I don’t really hate people, I can dislike though…

25. What was the best book you read?

Towelhead by Alicia Erian

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Uh huh Her, Giusy Ferreri and some other great Italian ones, and singles from several other groups and artists

27. What did you want and get?

Two books called “Barndom” (Childhood) where one was about your typical childhood in 1970’s and the oher about the 1980’s. These are memorabilia books, which show what we ate, what we watched on TV and what other things were typical of their time. Really great, and a good laugh too!

28. What did you want and not get?

Peace of mind, great health, sex, Bob, a continously tidy bedroom

29. What was your favourite film of this year?

Perhaps not form this year, but I watched them this year; Sophie Scholl - Die letzen tage/Last days of Sophie Scholl and Hard Candy  

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

34years! Oh holy fuck! I had a lovely soup dinner on my parents’ veranda, and then cake that I had made that day

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I lost weight and if I could have met Bob

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Haha, fashion me arse!! When you are as big as me!?! I am lucky if I find any clothes to bloody wear. Inside of me though, there is a coolly dressed woman!

33. What kept you sane?

Crying, writing, playing Sims and writing/receiving long e-mails to/with Laura

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

William Petersen aka Gil Grissom in CSI

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The financial crisis worldwide, and also the American election.

36. Who did you miss?

Granda, myself, Bob, Stina and other friends

37. Who was the best new person you met?

No one comes to mind.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?

You can do it

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

This is how it feels – Veronicas
           

Christmas

I want to wish you all Happy Christmas! To those who celebrate on the eve of the 24th, like I do, and to thoise who celebrate on the 25th! I hope the Holidays will be a fantastic time, full of joy and carefree days together with those who matter.  Enjoy your presents and great food! So this is what I say: God Jul, Glædelig Jul, Feliz Navidad, Buen Natale, Fröhliche Weihnachten, Joyeux Noël,  Nodlaig mhaith chugnat, С Рождеством,  Feliz Natal! 

Lots of love, hugs and hope from EV :-) 

Ramble

One of the headlines this week: Singer Nina Persson from “Cardigans”; has had sex with girls, in a drunken state… Yes, I see how that is vital knowledge for the readers of one of Norway’s biggest newspapers. I mean could information BE more imperative to share!?! The rest of her statements just give you an embarrassed taste in your mouth... Who cares that she dragged girls home after a wet night on town, only to wake up the next day and ask herself what the hell had happened!? I loathe such stunts. Does she think this makes her cool!?! Oooh, look at me, I had sex with girls whom I didn’t know... Puke! And she has the nerve to even say this; well, I don’t really look at myself as lesbian... No!?! Really?! Lesbian after having gay sex when pissed out of your knickers you say. You should be so lucky! I just really hate celebrity stunts like this. Does she need attention?! I think it feeds to the prejudice against gays that says that you can choose it. That you basically can walk into gay’ism one day and walk right out of it the next. Or that it is something we do to be “in”. In what world are they living in, to seemingly think that being gay is in and cool!!? The world around us tells a very different story mind you. Prejudice, murder, hangings, hatred, battering, spitting, or just being left out at school or work... I am inclined to agree with “Lizzy in “Pride and Prejudice” – the series – when she states: “the more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense” . So there! *lol* sorry, but stuff like this really gets to me!!

Soon one month since my last entry; and I who had gotten into a better habit of writing more frequently and all. Ah well, you can’t have it all. I’ve been busy with studying and other stuff. Plus I haven’t had the urge to write, and when I don’t feel the urge from inside, the stuff I write turns out more than crappy. Hey, it turns crappy even when I do have the urge, so trust me! Hehe...

And now it’s December. Oh how I love it. The lights lit everywhere, and the atmosphere shows signs of good things to come. I simply love Christmas, and I can’t wait for it! I adore how my flat, and also my parents’ house are decorated. It is all so cosy. I haven’t done all the decorating yet, as I’ve been busy, but I thought I’d out some out tomorrow. I do have to study some first though. Yuk and double yuk. And, oh oh, I nearly forgot; I got a B on my home exam. I was so glad I cried when I saw the result on student web. Fuck, I was nearly pissing my knickers in fright when logging in, and then this beautiful letter B radiated towards me. I swear, it couldn’t have felt better. The average was C, but there were quite a few who got D and E too. One failed. Two got an A. It definitely isn’t easy to get an A in Norway. Not like in USA. I have a feeling every second student are straight A students there. How it can be like that, I’ve always wondered...

Lately I have felt more of my acting urges inside of me. This is a side of me I rarely speak of, as it is a sore spot. A very horribly sore spot actually, that is what it is. I just feel it in my veins, in my soul, in all my being, it screams acting. And I have tried to oppress that feeling since I was 19, only letting surface from time to time, to taste it a little bit. I do stuff to console myself about this subject, of which I have no intention of telling you about. I’ll say that it keeps me sane, (ish) *lol* and it makes my life and my stupid earlier choices in life easier to bare with. It might sound like it is something dirty and nasty that I do, but fear not, it involves only me and talking. So no harm done. I have told Laura this, and she and I can talk about our dreams, and never felt judged or ego. I love you for that Laura. You are a diamond! Another reason for not talking so much about it; I have a feeling that most of my friends find me utterly stupid and perhaps arrogant and conceited for thinking I could have been a great actress. But, I still do think that that is the only thing I could ever truly have been great at, that and sports when I was younger needless to say. We have this “law” here in Norway, and Denmark, called “Janteloven”, which is written by Aksel Sandemose a Danish writer. Unfortunately this still distinguishes our society in some ways, although it is luckily fading little by little. This is what it says:

English Norsk

You shall not believe that you are somebody.
Du skal ikke tro at du er noe.

You shall not believe that you are as worthy as us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er like mye verd som oss.

You shall not believe that you are any wiser than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er klokere enn oss.

You shall not imagine that you are any better than us.
Du skal ikke innbille deg at du er bedre enn oss.

You shall not believe that you know anything more than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du vet mer enn oss.

You shall not believe that you are more than us.
Du skal ikke tro at du er mer enn oss.

You shall not believe that you are good at anything.
Du skal ikke tro at du duger til noe.

You shall not laugh at us.
Du skal ikke le av oss.

You shall not believe that anyone cares about you!
Du skal ikke tro at noen bryr seg om deg!

You shall not believe that you can teach us anything!
Du skal ikke tro at du kan lære oss noe

With wisdom like this, no wonder so many dare not stand out and deviate even a smidge form the masses. I know for a fact that the prejudice followed by this thinking, was the main reason for me not daring to try to pursue acting in UK or USA. Like to go to acting school and so on... Needless to say, I loathe this, and wish I had given Janteloven and the people I “feared” the finger, and gone to live how I wanted. But, of course, that is knowing what I know now… Yeah, there are a lot of things I wish I could have told my younger self. Too many to count. But it is all bygones now, and there’s no use in crying over spilt milk, (although I do that sometimes…) so I must look forward to what life will have in stall for me. There are many roads to go down, and let’s hope I will go down the roads that lead to the life I mostly want. In the meantime, I shall live life and try to make the most of it.

Lordy, I've rambled on.... Must go to bed now, more study tomorrow.

EV :-)