Good day... actually.

My family certainly is a bit weird sometimes. For instance, at home at my parents we each have one specific dinner plate. It’s been like that since I was very young. Here is the proof:
















As you can see they are neither pretty nor matching, like in most households… That is probably because we are not a normal household. We are kinda odd at times, but I like it that way. The one with the blue man on is mine, the horribly flowery one is mum’s, the sailboat one my brother’s, and the last one is dad’s. My ex got her own when she came into the family, and of course, it was different from the rest. I dislike it if I have to eat dinner without my own plate. *lol*. Needless to say; we have always had our permanent seats as well, both in the kitchen and the living room. If I should sit down in mum’s chair, it’s like a whole new world. The living room looks completely different from there, I am not joking you.
Strange isn’t it, what different families do. The system that exists and works for us, would never survive one week in a another family.*lol*

Here is something weirder: Swedish “dance bands”, looking all tragically hilarious. Not only do I find such music to be NOT music, but in addition, they are also sounding so terrible that I want to rip out my ears to be relieved from the pain. But looking at these pictures I would have to scratch out my eyes too, because; well look at them… For the love and honour of God, what the hell were they thinking? “Look at us, aren’t we the sexy ones”.

















Santas helpers, or maybe a group of elves? I don't know. You figure it out. I hope they sued their tailor/designer after this shot was taken. They must have realized how un-fucking-believably ugly they looked? Or maybe not, they look quite happy sitting their in their hot pink shirts, don't they.

What is up with the hairdo on this one? The one in the middle obviously trying to hide some weird orange coloured baldness. Not very successful at it though, one might add... Those trousers are so hot, wow.

My dad is on a sick-leave so when I got home from school today I could pick up the car I borrow. Which is the one that isn't a total wreck from being crashed into. I drove to a friend of mine, Eva, and I noticed that I was acting particularly observant today. Looking in the mirrors at all times, and more. I guess it's only normal behaviour after what happened Sunday.

I saw Bob today. My heart popped out of my body for a few seconds, I swear it did. He is just so hot, and he affects me in the biggest way. For the love and honour of God, why is he so fantastic, and yet so annoyingly unattainable?!? BOLLIX!!!

It's past midnight now, just, so I think I'll go to bed. I most definitely need my beauty sleep. In fact I perhaps need to sleep all day long, seeing I have the looks that I have... God! For the past 5 weeks I have gotten very little sleep, due to the road work just outside my bedroom. The black marks and bags under my eyes have grown for each week, and still I never learn to go to bed early. But you see; I look so hot that I think I will try to hold on to this "wreck look". Isn't it very "in" to look like that?

Hugs Monsoon xxx

Life is quiet

Sigh, sigh, sigh, and then some...

Still feeling exceedingly happy by the fact that my parents are fine. Some of what happened:

My dad called me on my mobile saying in his subtle way: We've crashed a little bit, could you come down to the turn-off to Vigrestad". Ok I said, and drove down with my brother. We thought they would be standing there writing out an accident report, but as we got close we saw three ambulances, police, firemen, and more. My heart almost stopped, I'm telling you. What the fuck, I said to my brother, and I could see he was all pale looking... We drove up and parked and got out of the car. "Where is mum, where is mum", I said. She is over there on the stretcher, Tor Egil said. I nearly fainted. Mum was lying there in shock, pale, weak, and vulnerable looking, with all this gear on her. She stretched out her hand to me and I grabbed it, telling her she would be ok. She said repeatedly: "Eilen, you have to take care of Egil (dad), someone has to mind him as well, the crazy man is walking around here... " Then they took them away. I was petrified. All shook up, drove home and tried to get a hold of someone. I needed to talk to someone. Crying my eyes out, partly in shock, shaking... I also rang relatives.
Tor Egil came down to my flat, and we talked and waited... Luckily the news were good when at last they came. They were so lucky! Poor dad, he had seen the car coming, and yelled out "Turid!", and tried to protect her (mum that is...) They were standing still, waiting to cross the road, when the car came from behind, and for some very odd reason, didn't see the car "parked", and hit it at around 85 km/h, which is about 54 miles/h.

It is another gorgeous and stunning day here. Warm, really warm, I am practically wearing nothing...

I am now going to go out on the balcony with a glass of Tab and "The historian", which is a book. Enjoying the early evening temperature out there.
Didn't go to school today. Had karin over yesterday, and we asked each other "trivia questions" until 2.30. So then when the bleedin workers woke me at 7 this morning; I guess you could say I was neither feeling happy nor rested. Therefore I decided not to go to school. Wouldn't have been able to learn anything anyway.

Yesterday Ingvild called me. She moved to the love of her life; London, last year. We hadn't talked to each other since before she moved. I got to know her through the internet in early 1998. For some time she lived in the same house as I did, in Oslo. Great girl, and she is very funny. Totally into movies!! It was very good to talk to her, it had been way too long since the last chat.

Very eager to ear how things went for Elise at her written Spanish exam today. Hope it went terrific!!!!

Ok, I'm going ( I am thinking about Bob at all times, still...)

Monsoon xxx

Crying

My parents were in a car accident. A car hit then from behind. Their car was totally smashed in the rear. TERRIBLE to see my mum lying there, being carried into the ambulance... The same with my dad, he was in shock and talked "crazy", but he could walk at least. He too went away with an ambulance.

I hope they will be ok. At least it didn't look life treathening.

Please God!

UPDATE!

They are fine!! Angels must have been watching over them I think. My brother was supposed to have been with them in the car, but luckily he got a lift with our cousin. If he had been in the backseat... The rear was, like I said, totally smashed, so... I am just so gratful that they are somewhat ok. Bruised, shook-up, neckpains and aching bodies, but that's nothing compared to what could have been.

Thank you so much to all of you who have sent me your prayers and love, in here, in Rachel's blog, by e-mail and sms! That meant a lot to me. Who says there isn't love and care in the world?

I am just so relieved. *huge sigh*. Those waiting hours last night, to hear some news, they were like 1000 hours.

Monsoon

Beautiful day, and beautiful mind

SUMMER WEATHER!! :-)

Yes, it's such a gorgeous day today. Blue sky and no clouds, but as usual at Vigrestad; there is a wind, but according to me that's just refreshing ...

I just sat out on my balcony to get a bit of sun on my body. It does one good to get some "sunny vitamins", after that long cold winter we had. Don't dare to sit too long in the sun though. My skin isn't used to it yet. Spring is just started. In addition I am one of those persons who takes care of her skin. So, I don't fry myself all day long sunbathing, and when I do sit outside; sunblock all the way. Here's why:

- Too tanned faces are kinda ugly. (if you are caucasian that is of course)
- I don't want to get sun burnt because it's not good for your skin.
- I don't want my face to look like a old dried up prune at 40.
- I have respect for the damage too much sun can do to ones skin/body (cancer etc)

Also my skin is that type that is quite fair and freckled (my face and some of my arms that is) so I don't get all that tanned. If I just as much as look out the window my freckels pop out. I don't mind. It's cute. I used to hate them, but I mean what can you do?They're there aren't they?!? And like in men I do fancy those who are fair skinned just like me. Bob has freckles on his hands. I like them... Oh darn, oh darn is he handsome. YES!!!

I am not a total maniac though, I do go out in the summer *lol*

Tonight I am going to Karin. She is going to make homemade pizza. Yummy! I love pizza, and Italian food in general. Must go to Italy some time. I have never been there. But I do adore Mexican and Chinese food as well. I am a sucker for HOT food which makes me sweat while I eat it. Garlic is also great in food, but the drawback is the "killing breath" it leaves you with. But it's ok for me, I am single anyway aren't I? But seeing I am so sexy, charming and attractive I probably won't stay single for long, eh? Yes, I truly believe that. My ex is getting married this summer. Weird. The next time I see her she is married to someone else, while my finger still has a mark from our engagement ring. Jaysis!

Finally I was able to sleep longer than 8. I slept until 11, and that was fucking great! Just as I woke up I got an SMS from Karin asking if she could come over in about an hour. When she came I hadn't even brushed my hair yet, so I looked a bit scary I guess. I had turned on the computer, and got stuck answering a man who had left me a message at Gaysir. He is a man who likes to dress up in womens clothing, and who is struggling with it. I try to help him, and apprently I have helped him already. I'm glad. Feel sorry for him, as he has no one he can talk to this about.

There are so many people out there living lives that they aren't true about, for some reason. They don't dare to be honest, there's too much at stake perhaps, or they just don't have anyone whom they can trust. I am so glad I can live my life, and be true to both myself, friends and family. You know being bisexual and all...
Even though it's difficult at times, as we experience prejudice from both the straight and gay communities. For some reason they think that being bisexual is the same as wanting/needing to be with both sexes at the same time, unable to be in a monogamous relationship. This is so not true! And to be honest I am sick of explaining myself, and standing up for myself for this.
I am just as committed as anyone else, and when I am with a woman I don't fancy or need to be with men, or vice versa. I am not more predisposed to be unfaithful than your average gay/straight person. The only difference between me and the rest of you is that I am able to form a loving lasting relationship with both women and men. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not one HUGE SEX FEST, or SEXORAMA where I fuck everything that moves. It's not only about the sex. A relationship is much more than that. But I am not going to deny the fact that I like sex. But that has to do with my personality, not my sexual predilection. But I like it within a relationship, not outside. I am not one for one-nightstands. I don't mind others having it, but it's not for me...

I can feel it's spring, most definitely. It's like ones body awakens after a coma, ready to live. At times like this it sucks to be single, and even more so when I totally adore Bob whom I can't have. I notice that I feel even more attracted to him now, and he works like a magnet on me. My body is literally being pulled towards him. *lol* No wonder as yummy as he is. I have never been this drawn to anyone in my whole life, and sometimes I pinch myself to see that what I am feeling for him is real. It's so much, and so strong. And so annoying too!

But I will get over him, eventually, and then... I have to take care of myself first, and become more healthy, then I will be ready to meet someone even better. (I so don't believe this right now. How can someone be better than him?!?)

For now, enjoy the lovely weather and be good to people!!

Hugs from a freckled Monsoon :-)

Ps

Had to enclose a picture of this talented and sooooo gorgeous girl.
She is an English actress, her name is Romola Garai, and she is 24 years.
Has played din BBC's "Daniel Deronda", Dirty Dancing 2, Vanity Fair, to mention some.

She has something about her.

Ooooh, wow, what a lie-in, my arse! At exactly 07.26, like every morning, the excavator started it's engine and woke me up in a blink. The sound is too loud for my sensitive ears in the morning. I was able t get a little bit more sleep, but at 8.30 I gave up. Felt like opening the window and shouting to them: "People are sleeping here, do you mind?".

So now I am going to go to mum's to see if she's home. Not going to school today, or tomorrow. Need a few days off. But next week it's back to reality.

Just had to get tell you about my "lovely lie-in"... hahah!!

Monsoon

Al final, soy terminada con mi examen en matemática

I am done! So so happy that I am finished with my math exam. I think it went well, to be honest. Thanks be to God! I dare to say that I think I nailed the 5'er. Woohoo!!

I didn't sleep a wink last night, well I think I got about 1,5 hours. When I woke up at 5.45 this morning I got up, and walked straight on the wall. Too tired for words! *lol* During the trip in to Stavanger, on the train, I had to keep pinching my thighs to stay awake. Have to say I was worried that I would be too tired to be able to concentrate. But, it got better. The only symptom of my sleep deprivation has been my ability to speak. I have said the wrong things like a million times today. First I said: "I am going to turn off my Stavanger now". Silly, when I meant my mobile. Fell asleep at the train going home. Can't remember stopping at Sandnes, but I do remember stopping at Varhaug, which is a good 20 minutes from Sandnes.

Ate horrible dinner when I came home. I had certainly deserved a great dinner, right? Unfortunately I don't have servants... *lol* But I was too tired, had headache, hip was tormenting me from the sitting today, and so I just threw some frozen mixed food in the pan, and cooked it. It tasted vile! Had I had a car I would have driven to Nærbø¸ to buy Chinese. Haha! That wouldn't have helped, as I just remembered that they are closed on Wednesdays.

In the Attic was incredible today. I think it's the best one I have seen. They played this recorded song by Simon Townshend, and it was really good. He has such a fantastic voice!
I am so glad I discovered this show, with it's fucking fabulous hostess with the mostess; Rachel Fuller. Can't wait for her EP to come out.

I have to go to bed now, I think. But I have a few things I need to do first, so I will end this oh so exciting entry.

I am going to have a lie-in tomorrow, if I am able to. You see there are people working on the road just outside my bedroom window. They are digging on/in the road to lay down some pipes and stuff. It takes forever, and I am so sick and tired of it. They make loud noise, plus they are in the way. Be done already!

I am going to dream about Bob, I have already decided, so I will hear nothing more on the matter, ok?!

Love - Monsoon xxx and some yyyy

Big scary day tomorrow!

HEEELP!!!

Final exam in mathematics tomorrow. Dreading it, me? No... Not at all. Kidding! I find it very vexing to be honest. I feel like running away and hiding, but there's no use in that, so I will have to stick it out. God! My stomach hurts. What if I sit there tomorrow and my mind goes blank? What will I do? I think I will have to tell myself that it's ok. I don't have to ace it, I don't have to get a 5 either. So what if I don't... I know that I have reached a level in math I never thought possible, so I am proud of myself no matter what. I have worked hard, throughout the whole year, or should I say 7 months, so I am sure I will be fine.

I hate spiders. They disgust me nonstop with their creepy way of behaving. They run so fast, eeek! I was lying on my sofa watching TV one night, and suddenly I noticed something huge and black on the wall. Was it a rat? A mouse? Oh no, it was a buggery bollix spider! I said out loud; "sooo... you're standing there are you, I am afraid I'm going to have to kill you"... Typical of me to talk to the spider, I think I do it to calm me down. I went out and got a shoe and I squeezed the huge bastard. Double and triple yuk! The sound it made... crunching... Shivers down my spine for sure! Spiders are the only insects and creepy thingys that I am afraid of. Rodents like rats, mice, gerbils, whatever, I don't mind them at all. In fact I find them cute. Used to have gerbils, named Athina, Britt, Edina and Patsy. Too cute for words.

I miss him. So much that I can feel it in my whole body and mind. I need him. But enough about that.

Thank you so much to you who left comments on my "dark blog entry" from a few days ago. It's nice to get uplifted!! And I know that it will turn around, some day. It's just such a sorrow right now, I can't help it!

I had Malin on a visit today. I started to "mind" her in 1997, and when I moved to Oslo my mum took over as her minder once a week. We mind her because her dad is a lone parent, so he needs some relief. So I've known her for 9 years, and she is 12 now. Great and beautiful girl. She comes down to me every Tuesday as my mum cooks dinner. We talk, play "The Sims" on the computer, and just enjoy being together. This is Malin when she was 11. Took the picture with my mobile phone, so the quality isn't the best...





I think my mind is too busy to find anything interesting to write about, so I will leave you go until tomorrow. I hope I will be able to bring fabulous news!

Love and hugs from Monsoon ;-)

Mood, such a complex thing

I have been in a better mood today, a bit at least. Probably because I have surrounded myself with people. I was at my parents first, then Eva's, and I just came home from Karin now. My parents are going to redecorate their living room. About fecking time, if you ask me. The carpet has been begging to be replaced since the Middle Ages, and needless to say; time has taken its toll on it. I have been suggesting nice colours to paint the walls today. To my big surprise my mum weren't alien from my ideas. But the curtains are staying. The queen has spoken... "The day I find curtians that I love, I will replace the ones we have, not before, so stop nagging me." - quote mum. She barely dares to clean them, she is afraid they will be too fragile to endure the trip in the washingmachine. *laughing* Mum is one strange, stubborn and difficult lady sometimes. Hmm... Am I just like her I wonder!? No, not in that particular way, because I am not conservative. She doesn't have a dishwasher, can't stand computers and refuses to learn how to use them, and we were the last ones to get a microwave.

Tomorrow I will be totally stressed out. I will be languishing while yearning to eat sweets. I am like a drug addict, I really am. I get headaches and I become extremely irate. But I will have to live through it, in order to bring myself into the right track again. Nothing good comes from eating sweets. It doesn't do me any good, only more pain. My face becomes spotty and bloated, and my body swollen. I know that this time won't be as hard as before, because I haven't sunk nearly as deep as I used to, thanks be to God! Plus, I haven't gained weight either. Puh!

Getting in tune... Fantastic song! Just had to say, because it was playing on my Windows media player just now...

One more, rainy, day, (great song as well actually...) and then it's final exam. Oh, I am not nervous at all. Nooooooh.... I am cool, have everything under control and feel on top of the world. Yup, that's me!

Yuk, Shira jumped onto my "boob-area", and left a snail there. She has a gift that cat, you know to bring me small little treasures like that snail. It's probably her way of saying she loves me, seeing she can't talk...

I don’t want to, anymore


How long is this going to be?
This state of mind, this absence
How did it start, yes; how? how?
On a winter morning, when I first saw you
A revolution, I will never forget

I see you, my heart crumbles
I long for you, I need you,
But I don’t want to love you any more

How ardently I adore you
Your passion, all that is you, always,
When you are around, I see you
No escaping the intensity in those brown eyes
Such a revolution, every time

I see you, my heart crumbles
I long for you, I need you,
But I don’t want to love you any more

How your presence strengthens me
and yet also shatters me
Your words make me wiser, I want to learn
How you give me nothing and yet everything
There is no reality, there is no you and me

How one look can suffice, and create certainty
Through you, I see life
No words needed, I understand anyway
How can I go on searching for it?
When you have showed me perfection

I see you, my heart crumbles
I long for you, I need you
But I don’t want to love you any more


I am now going to sit back and listen to The Who loudly, play imaginary drums, guitar and base, and sing. Love it! *lol* I love the fact that Bob also likes them, with a passion I'm sure. But at the same time it's a bit annoying because every time I hear The Who I think about him, and probably will continue to do so after I am supposed to get over him... Ah well...

I am a bit more content now. After seeing the news, and seeing and hearing about the situation in Darfur I should be ashamed of myself for complaining about my situation. It's almost incomprehensible, too much to take in without going crazy and numb... Terrible, terrible...

Hugs from Monsoon ;-)