Happy birthday to me. It is now past midnight so it is my birthday actually. Well I was born at 01.55, so to be exact it isn’t my birthday before 1, 5 hours. Funny how little one cares about it when one reaches a certain age. Plus the fact that I spend my days trying to focus and study, and then not being able to, doesn’t exactly help either. I am so stressed. Yeah, like you haven’t heard that before. There is so very little to say, so that is why I don’t write in here. I am dead inside. And like I told my mum; what is there to celebrate exactly? The fact of the matter is:
I am fat
I am single
I am deviant
I am complex
I failed my exam
I am unhappy at Uni
I love someone unattainable
I have dug myself into a hole that I can barely see myself getting out of.
Take a pick! Then my mum said to me: well, you might not see a particular reason to celebrate that you are one year older, and have all these things, but what is the alternative!?!
Hmm… I know! I am so bad for being such a whiner. I will smack my (bitch up) arse. Bad girl! I want out of this dark place. I don’t like it here.
I know it is the stressed and dark me talking, and I dislike that so much. I can’t stand myself when I am like this. The only thing that makes me smile and truly feel good, calm and joyful inside, is the thought of Bob. (Yikes, I was about to write his real name there…) The dream of moving to Spain is a good thought too.
Eva started her new job today, and I am really excited for her. And not to mention proud. She has come along way in the last years, and all honour to her. I love you!
Other news? Hmm. I am painting my house. Well, I am not painting it, as such. There are two Polish students, 21 year old boys, who we hired to do the job. So cute and polite, and very good.
Well, that was my happy jumping up and down in joy blog entry for August 2nd. Yea! I am 33. What a wonder! Hmrf!
Monsoon - feeling sorry for herself in an annoying, childish pathetic way, and being all darkened out.
5 comments:
Reasons to celebrate Eilen's birthday:
You are wonderful
You are intelligent
You are kind-hearted
You are courageous
You are determined
You are brave
You are loving
These are just a few, not to make this comment huge. The point being that you are just tired. With stress comes frustration, depression and our dark side comes out, speaking out, pointing to us our weaknesses, trying to make us believe that our life is a failure. Do not listen to it! No one's life is perfect. I can inummerate at least a dozen points of my life where I completely failed and I will feel myself like a total looser, because the count is heavy. Actually, when I am gloomy, I do feel myself like a looser. When things are all good, we see life in bright colours and we focus on our successes, when things are hard, we loose faith and see only our failures. It is all the question of that glass and weather it is half full or half empty.
I have faith in you even when you yourself do not have it. I know you will come out of that black hole, I have no doubt about you, whatsoever. So I wish you a happy birthday, my dearest friend, I wish you strength and more courage. You are not alone, and with your friends help and encouragments you will overcome. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!
This post made me sad. I want you to feel happy! I want to see YOUR list for good reasons to celebrate yourself. I think we need to have an email exchange very soon.
Hei!
Just have to say one thing!!!
YOU ARE THE BEST!
The best friend i have!
Love you very much!
Hi Eilen! A belated Happy Birthday to you. I found your blog on Neoworx, and it caught my eye coz you have the exact same birthday as my gf, Aug 2 and she's also 33. But aside from that, I think we're both going through similar experiences right now. I recently had a birthday too, and didn't quite care about it.... I recently did bad on an exam too and I'm trying to focus so I don't do bad on another exam.... I'm not single, but believe me, trying to balance studies and relationship problems with my gf, sometimes I wish I was (a boderline cancer-leo and a leo - you get the picture)! ... so much is riding on me right now (which I should probably not go into here) that I can't afford to fail, and I also feel like I've dug myself into a hole.... I know that nothing anybody can say can get us out of our respective holes, it has to come from us, so I'm not gonna tell you to look on the bright side or anything like that, but just know that you're not alone. I hope you don't stay in your hole for too long. See you on the outside, hang in there. Take care and a belated happy birthday again!
EILEN, I FINALY GET MY CAMERA GOING SO I CAN FINALLY DO THE ART THING ON MY BLOG. SO I CHECK YOUR BLOG. Your profile SAYS 33 INSTEAD OF 32: I AM THINKING TO MYSELF "SHE JUST HAD A b DAY" AND YES!
happy birthday!
DEVIANT IS GOOD.....YOU ARE STILL SO YOUNG ... IT SUCKS TO BE 48 AND "ALMOST 50" -- JUST THINK OF ALL THE GOOD THINGS YOU HAVE DONE... NOT THE BAD... FOR ME EVERY GOOD THING HAS BEEN LEARNED FROM "BAD" SO I MUST BE VERY VERY STUPID ! BUT STUPIDITY HAS MADE ME SMART!
You're cute and beautiful and I love you blog.
Sounds good to watch the 2 hardbodies painting your house....I wish I could afford that...!
Well, off to work my blue collar job
love nina
I can't type either
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