Great day for mail...

*LOL* It is rarely any fun to look into the mailbox, right... Today, however, I found three great things in there, and no boring stuff at all. I found Coldplay's X&Y that I had ordered at PLAY.com, (limited edition, which contains an extra cd with 6 tracks on it) my history magazine, and the clothes I had ordered for the wedding I am attending on April 8th. (One of my all time best friends Irene is getting married to her love Arne)

So here I am. Just had dinner, sat down in front of the computer, as usual, and I am now listening to the new Coldplay cd. Lovely!
My computer is my life, almost. It is a sad sad truth. Don't know what I would do without it. It's my life companion... Until something better comes along, I am loving this. *lol*

Yesterday was Rachel Fuller's "In the attic" again. It was a hilarious and bleedin great episode. They had brought to the attic a very talented girl called Helen Boulding. She sounded fantastic, and I will definitely be on the outlook for her cd when it comes out. Check her out: http://www.helenboulding.com/flash.html

I am so mad that I won't be able to go to any of the concerts The Who and Rachel with "In the attic on the road" are having. Two of my upper most favourites in music on the same day. Yeah I know; it would be too good to be true, especially for me. I am not one of the luckiest persons on earth. It's said that if you have no luck in games/betting, you should be lucky in love... Noooot really no... I am unlucky in both departments, believe me. I realized my unluck in gaming/betting when I was 20. Here is why:

I worked at the local newsagent's and had bought myself the two last scratch cards we had left. The I gave out to myself, cause I thought I spent to much money on such things, so I took one of the cards and I put it back. Of course I didn't win! Five minutes later a young man came in and bought the one I had rejected. He won. And he won himself the nice sum of 25 000 kroner. (which is about £ 2500) 12 years ago that was a lot of money for me, and it still is... I got mental, and my mom's head nearly exploded when I told her. So I don't know why I bother to play the lotto. I haven't won anything... Wait a minute, I think I actually won one of those hand sized vacuum cleaners, but that was ages ago. And I was too young to appreciate it.

Meanwhile, I am quite happy today. Still longing, still craving, still wanting him. It's like he absorbs me. I am so dreading the day that undoubtedly will come. And by that I mean the day that I have to say bye bye for the last time to him. I can't imagine it. I choke! The saddest thing is that to him it will be a true relief to see me go. But for me; sorrow in the 10th power!
Maybe I should kidnap him? Aaaah no, it would be such a hassle with all the police and stuff, plus going to jail doesn't fit into my plans for higher education. Well, in fact; people do get their diplomas in jail, don't they? I am just rambling on here. Needless to say; I am kidding!! I am not "psycho in the head", so you don't have to don't turn me in... *laughing*

Well, maybe I should shut up now. I'll write in my diary, cause I can write about all that crap and emotions that my brain contains. I need some thoughts to myself too you know.

Take care, and until next time; be good, be naughty/bold, be daring, be real, be different, be flirty, be yourself, be someone else, be spontaneous, and be unconventional!

Monsoon ;-) *wink wink*

*Don't you go dying on me* - Ace Ventura to old lady in wheelchair

Some thoughts about...

HAPPY 31st BIRTHDAY TO RØNNAUG !!!

A new book is coming out in Norway these days. It is about women and their wantonness. Hmm... It will probably be funny and informative to read, but do we really need to read about other girls' fantasies and other girls being horny? Do we need a book to tell us that it is ok to be a woman and being horny?

I have talked about sex with millions of people (ok, a tad exaggerated...) at different stages of their lives. Talked to elderly people, teenagers, friends, relatives, parents, "strangers", and more. And the impression I am stuck with is that it still is embarrassing for a woman to be honest about her sexuality. Why, oh why? Why is it ok for a man to admit up to being horny most of the day, but not for a woman? Why is it ok for a man to watch porn, while women feel the urge to disguise porn with the words "erotic films". Why is masturbation "just like shaving" for guys, but still a bit taboo for women. If a woman has had several sexual partners, she is a slut, but if a man should be so lucky, he is considered a stud.

I don't get this. Why should it be necessary for women to "hide" their true self? I think that is a tragedy. Really it is. Sometimes I almost feel that society doesn't want us to be horny. It's not decent. Fuck decent! I think it's about time we girls take back our sexuality, our lust, our longings, and our right to be proud of being sexual beings. And by that I don't mean dressing like ho's or acting loose. There's sexual, and there's too sexual.

Our sexual drive is the second biggest drive, next to our instinct of self-preservation. No wonder it takes up so much of our thoughts and actions.

I can't speak for all women, as I am only one person. But I will say this:

I am a woman, and I admit that I am horny almost non-stop. I think about sex like a million times a day, but that doesn't mean that I don't get other things done. Of course I do! I watch porn sometimes, and masturbating is like brushing my teeth. It is a necessity! (and whether in a relationship or not; no difference in the frequency) I have the naughtiest fantasies ever, and I love sex. Does this make me a slut? No, I am no slut. I am a normal human being with urges, lusts and wantonness. The difference between me and some others is that I am not afraid to admit this, nor am I embarrassed by it. And to be honest; I like the sexual me.
I am so glad that my parents taught me to become this inhibited and open person. It helps me every day!

But although I am like this I have had few partners. Why? Because I need to be connected, in love or really utterly attracted to someone who I also trust, before engaging in sexual activity. That is just me. And I don't fall seriously that easy.


Books like this one, "Rosa prosa - pink prose", will definitely help and inform many women, and also amuse. Those who need to, will see that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and that many feel the same way they do about these things. So I guess that books about women's wantonness is welcomed. Maybe men should read it, it might teach them a thing or two about the way we think, fantasize, long and lust sexually... You never know. *lol*

Enough about that. Not very well thought through, and probably so NOT well written, but I blame it on the lateness of the day. I just felt like airing this a little bit...

Plus; Oh my God was Bob lovely today. He was so funny that I had to mind myself for not laughing too much. It would seem silly. But he totally cracks me up. One of the funniest persons I've ever met, no doubt. And he looked really sexy too. So good that I wanted nothing more than to plant a soft kiss on his lips. I will of course never do this, as he is very married... Oh darn it! *lol*

I should perhaps go to bed now. I mean; I am tired.

Monsoon :-)

One happy girl

FINALLY I have started to loose weight again. Yess, yess, yess!!!!

Not much, but it's a start. I am so grateful and exceedingly proud of myself for sticking to it, and for not loosing all hope. This is the reward for surviving last week's terror.

I've hardly lost any weight at all since the beginning of this year.

When stepping unto the scale today it showed 700 grams less than Thursday. Which is about 1,5 pounds. I have 1,7 kilos to go till I am under a certain number. Can't wait. It's been ages since I was there!

I am really thrilled and content today. All ready to face the math homework for tomorrow.

And I am having chicken tandoori with a green salad for dinner today. Yummy!

I am so glad that I feel like screaming out! I have to listen to some feel-good music, and sing out loud. Nobody is home underneath, they're at work and school, so nobody will hear me. Not that I would care; my voice is fine.

Hugs from a really delighted Monsoon :-)

Boring, that's what I am, sorry!

There; the fish au gratin is in the oven cooking. Ready to be eaten within the hour. I am hungry. Can't wait to eat.
I love food. Can you totally tell by the way I look? *lol* No, I blame my fatness for sweets alone, no doubt about that.

Just had Rønnaug on a visit. We have talked and enjoyed ourselves. Nice to see her. And Rønnaug; I can't wait for our Friday night "date" with homemade pizza and U2's "Rattle and Hum" film blasting on your fantastic stereo!!! U2 is best while listened to very loudly! It's been far too long since we have"loved and enjoyed" music together like that. Don't you agree?

I am feeling so much better today. Still, the craving is there, but it's not eating me up like it was yesterday. Have slept very little though. Restless, and I woke up several times during the night. Dreamt about Bob. One of the dreams was unbelievable, as I dreamt that we kissed, and also some more. Yeah, I can dream, can't I? I am glad that my dreams treat me well at least... *lol* Also hope that me dreaming about my teacher is over. I mean I'm not into him like that at all. Why do we dream sexual dreams of persons that we obviously never would want in real life? I find that strange.

Ok the following is in Norwegian. It is a poem my brother wrote to his girlfriend in 2000. It is beautiful I think. He was almost 20 when he wrote it.

Jeg elsker deg. Mitt hjerte har deg.
Med deg, er jeg meg, fullstendig
I deg er jeg følsom og svak
Hendene dine søker meg
Jeg faller til ro
Du har gjort meg til ro
I deg kan jeg sveve. Takk, du er alt.

Jeg elsker deg. Søker jeg deg, er du der.
Ser meg, jeg vet du ser meg
Du kan bygge meg til tårn
Men knekke meg som strå
Jeg faller til ro i deg
Du lar meg falle til ro hos deg
Stryker deg. Varme. Takk, du er alt.

Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du har gjort meg til meg
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du er du, i deg
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du gjør dråper om til hav
Jeg elsker deg. Fordi du er min
Jeg elsker deg. Du er alt


Well, I don't that much to say. I'm kinda boring these days. Must try to retrieve my funny self. I think I lost it there a few months ago.

Talking about funny. I would love to see "Monty Python's live at Hollywood Bowl" again. I haven't seen it in ages, and it is so funny. I laugh so hard that I almost wet myself *giggle*
Imagine a swimcontest for people who can't swim, and a marathon for the incontinent...
Gotta love those guys! Say no more! Eric Idle had the funniest face... hehe... And since I am useless as it comes to comedy at the moment, here's something from Monty Python instead:

Sit on my face - what a lovely song, eh?!? *lol*

Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you moralize,When I'm between your thighs;
You blow me away!

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
And we'll sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,'
Till we're blown away!

Monsoon :-)

My hundredth blogentry; a poem I know by heart

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone

W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.


Aaahh.... How well he describes love, and also loss. One of the few poems I know by heart.

Stressed, but happy too.

What a day. I am an emotional wreck right now. For fuck sake, give me a break. This last week has been true torture as my to my cravings for sweets. Every day has been a struggle to avoid going to Narvesen (it's like 7-11) to buy sweets. From school to the trainstation I have to walk by two of these kiosks. I can just feel the urge to run in and buy ten bars of chocolate, but I haven't given in to the urge. I have been strong. And for that I applaud myself!

But the worst day has been today. I have been aggressive, "high", restless and could not sit still, and my mind was filled with one thought, (for a change this wasn't Bob) and that was sweets. I have felt mad, out of control, weird, disgusting, hateful over my own "madness", sick and tired of the whole thing. I just want to have a normal relationship with sweets. How come that isn't achievable? It probably is, but at days like this everything seems impossible.
Eva was here, and she said to me: You're a bit crazy. Yeah I know. But; it's been months since the urge was this big, and that shows that the addiction is not as strong as it used to be. A little over a year ago I had days like this at least 5 days a week. Horrible!

So for the positive: I was able to not buy or eat sweets today. I didn't drive up to the kiosk to buy some of my "drugs". Yea! I am so glad Eva was here. I think I would have gone even more insane without her. Thanks sweety!

One funny thing over the past year has been that the very thought of Bob has made me not want to eat all the time. He just, without knowing it, makes me want to take care of myself. And somehow he makes me feel like I'm worth it. Don't know why, but I am grateful anyways. He is the most wonderful man ever. I should be so lucky as to be with him for the rest of my life. But, that's never going to happen. I hope though, that I might find someone similar, someone else who brings out the best in me. There's so much more to him than that of course... I am not very optimistic, I have to admit that. I mean, it took me 30,5 years to find my dream. So how long will it take for me to find someone who I can be half as attracted to, that I really really like, and who makes me feel the way he does? Hmm...

I hope I'm not a hopeless case.

But, at least I'm doing great at school. I got a 5 + on my most dreaded mathtest. (6 is the best). I was very pleased, cause I never thought I would get such a good grade. I am very glad that I spent Thursday doing maths, cause that gave my quite a few aha-experiences, and I finally understood some of it. Had Spanish oral test too. I was just in-between a 5 and a 6. There is just that little extra needed for the 6, and I just know that I can do it. I am usually very good at speaking like that. It's just that I've just learned Spanish since September, and it's not all that easy to show brilliance as a speaker when you're so fresh in the language. I hope I'll get there!
My mum told me yesterday how proud she was of me, and of my scholar achievements. That meant a lot to me. It's great feeling intelligent. I have never thought of myself as a very smart person before. But that's something the last year has taught me as well. I can do anything. Of course, that's Bob's doing too. *lol* He is a magician.

I am now gong into the livingroom to read in my history magazine that I've had no time for lately.

Hugs and love from Monsoon, who thankfully is back to normal now... Phew!

My mind feels blank

I am totally wrecked right now. Wouldn't going to bed be a good idea then? To me, no... I think I am unable to go to bed early. It's some form of genetic error that causes me to always going to bed way too late.
The reason why I am so tired is that I have been doing maths for the whole bleedin day. Went in earlier to school so that I could get more done. After my Spanish class I continued with my maths. Came home, made salmon for dinner, ate it, and went straight into my combined office/studyroom/computer room/2nd bedroom and did maths until about 10 minutes ago. I had so much catching up to do. I do hope I will be able to solve some of the test tomorrow. I am dreading it, sooo much.

Ok, I have to make one remark about Bob, a very silly one... But may I just say that he has the nicest pair of legs ever! *sigh, sigh, sigh*Not the rest isn't equally great looking, but I guess I shouldn't depict too much. When he walks by I automatically follow his moves, as he is so gorgeous. He must find me most annoying. It's his own damn fault. If he would just stop being this handsome, I would stop looking. *lol* God, I have to get a grip, seriously!

So folks, have you kept your part of the "not killing any kittens" deal? I do hope so. Because like I said; I have no intentions as to do so. What more do we have as singles? Furthermore; when you spend every second of the day longing for a man you can never even be near, it does something to you. Yeah, it does... Enough said.

Watched Rachel Fuller and Mike Cuthbert and their In the attic show, which is a live webcast kinda thing that airs every Wednesday evening. It is brilliant, funny and we get to hear great music and the latest news. Pete stopped by, as usual. He cracks me up! Really funny, as are Rachel and Mike/y!! Talked about the following tour. A bit disappointed though. They're not coming to any Scandinavian country. So, there is no chance in hell I will have the money to go. Bollix!!! I wanted so much to go. I would get to see both The Who, and fabulous Rachel. How brilliant would that be on a scale from 1 to 10?

I am now off to "kill some kittens". No I'm only joking you! I am totally obsessed with that whole thing. I just thought it to be funny! Am going to write in my diary/journal here on my computer.

Take care, until next time; be good, or actually don't; be a bit naughty!!

Monsoon ;-)

Masturbation?

Look at the picture.

Ooops! If this is really true, I'm afraid I'm responsible for the death of like a billion kittens, or more... Who knows? So guys; which of us should put a stop to the PWY business? (PWY is short for Playing With Yourself) I know I certainly will not stop, so I think the rest of you should, because that way I can continue with a clear conscience... I mean I am single, so I need to do the solo thing. And during one week I'll probably kill about 14 kittens. That is a lot... So you all better stop, right!?

Monsoon :-)