Dreaming my life away, or!?

I am bawling. Watched “United 93”, and it was such a strong story portray of the tragedy of that day. I do honour those brave people on board that flight, for their courage and their intrepid behaviour. It made me want to salute them. I will never forget that day. It budged with something that seemed unshakable, and it was surreal. Like a film. The western world was badly shaken, and it made us see that we aren’t as secure as we like to think.

Over to something completely different. I am on winter holiday from school now, and tomorrow Audhild is coming to me. I am going to help her with some math, probability theory. I am looking forward to it. She is a very nice lady. Also hoping to go to the vet with Shira during the week. She has so many hard and tangled knots in her fur that it actually needs to be shaved off. Not all her fur, just two major disaster areas on her body… Despite the fact that I brush her every day, they still appear. Winter temperatures are to be blamed. I can’t cut it, as it probably hurts and Shira “cries” and “bites” me when I try to. In cases like that I wish I could explain to her that I am only trying to help.

Talking about shaving; two words, Britney Spears. Hehe… If she had left a little more hair, she would have looked good. But then, I like girls when they are shaved like that. Natalie Portman was to die for when she shaved for her part in “V for vendetta”. Here she is: (*tiny drool there*)

Sitting on the train the other day and experienced young boys/men talking. Going home from school I sat at my usual spot at the back of the compartment. About 6-7 boys were talking about girls in the most oppressing and disgusting ways. It made me so upset, and I just felt the need to disappear in a way. One of them asked the other about one girl, and said: Well, was she very skinny or was she ugly? Like being very skinny is the antonym to ugly. They kept going on and on. I wanted to cry, for them, for begin so fucking ignorant and narrow minded. You just have to feel sorry for them. What values have they been taught? One can wonder.

Another day a gang of boys/young men talked about how they had beaten someone else up. Two against one. Quote: “When he finally hit the ground and was lying still, I went and I kicked him in the face”, and this was followed by laughter. Gruesome, and I am telling you; I was so glad I had my media player so that I could put the plugs in and not hear more of their stories. Chilling. Scary. Despicable. And more. It is so incomprehensible to me how anyone can beat someone to a pulp like that. What thoughts go through their young minds at such moments?

I bought a new pc game for myself this weekend. It is called Dreamfall (drømmefall) and it is of the adventure category. Really exciting and a bit scary too, I think. I’ve never played anything like it before, so I guess that’s why I find it scary. My brother who tipped me.

So actually, I think I am going to play that now, and then what… Bed I suppose.

Monsoon

ZZZZZZZZZZZ

Mmmmm… Got my new computer yesterday. (yippee-a-yea!!) Yes, I did. I did buy a new one. I just couldn’t live with the old one. It was insufferably slow and testing my patience for every bloody second of the day. Yikes. Wasn’t able to deal with multitasking at a satisfactory level. And if I did, it slowed down to prehistoric level/speed. This new one is brilliant, so far. I have an Intel core 2 duo E6400 CPU now, and it is much much faster than my old AMD athlon 2600+. Plus of course more memory, and better everything. I am going to sell my old one.

Enough computer talk. I am just thrilled with my new one. Can’t help myself.

We’ve had a presentation at Uni today. It went very well. My group had chosen to perform the whole thing as a role-play, where we pretended to be in a debate programme on TV. I was the mean one, being quite racialist. I had to point out afterwards that these weren’t my views, attitudes or meanings. People came up to my in the break telling me I was very convincing. I am pleased about that! But then; I do adore acting… (my secret dream you know, to become an actress) I won’t even tell you all the weird things I do. I can say it involves talking to myself. Hehe…

(God my computer rules!)

Wow, soon 6000 people have popped in here. That is a lot. I never expected that. It is a bit scary actually. Especially since my writing has been appalling lately. So I guess my words are the most scary part here, eh!?! *lol*

One step further has been taken in the Bob business. I have deleted all my documents and stuff that involves him. And by that I mean saved on a CD and external device, for future references. I can’t delete all these poems, written deep sighs, diary inputs etc etc etc. I can’t erase my life you know. But I have at least removed it from my computer. It is symbolic to me. A burial in a way, and in that case I shed some tears. Definitely. Life is fucking unfair sometimes. Dangling in front of me, this ”perfection”; to let me have a sip of what I could get, only to reveal the truth, and to take it away. Cruel. Is this a message from above to tell me I am not good enough for people that great? That I have to become a different person in order to be happy? Ah well. I guess I can’t expect anything that remarkable when I am what I am, and look like I do. Trying to have a positive spin on things, nevertheless.

I have a horrible headache, so I am going to bed. And it is only soon 11. Can’t remember last time I was in bed that early.

Love and all that.

Monsoon

Male species

Men, yes men. Yum. *lol* I haven’t really written about men I find attractive. The reason for that I suppose has to do with the fact that Bob truly is the hottest man I have ever seen. He totally melts me, to say the least. But you know, I don’t really want to reveal who he is, so I can’t post a picture of him… Plus; to try to distract me from his gorgeous sexy being, I have decided to focus on the few other men I “like”. There are none in the “real life”, so I have to seek within the sport and entertainment industry. I can’t say I have tons of favourites, as I tend to have a taste that isn’t the most ordinary. I don’t like six-packs or a lot of muscles. Yuk! Normal bodies are the most attractive for me. Nowadays there are way too many so-called “pretty” men, and also kinda metro sexual, which I so don’t like.

So, in order to be a bit on the silly and "drooling female" side, I have enclosed pictures of some sexy ones, well according to me, without ever having seen them, live (Except Bono and Alan Rickman, as I have seen them “live”.)

Yes, Alan Rickman is hot. Quite a lot older than me, but hey; I can’t help it if they just do it for me (he is 28 years older though) Known as Snape in the Harry Potter films. But my favourite is three seconds of Alan-heaven when he walks into a “hairdresser of the year” contest in “Blow dry”. Even my lesbian ex had to see that scene over and over again, as he owns that room then. Power! Another lesbian friend of mine, whose name shall be unsaid, said that she felt like she was skidding off her chair watching that part. *lol* I actually watched that film last night, and I loved it. *sighing all the way to bed*

Colin Firth, first “discovered” when playing in the BBC-series “Pride and Prejudice”. Darn is he handsome in Love Actually!! He seems so much like the guy you would take home to sit around the kitchen table at your parents’ house.

Bono, one of my favourites since the tender age of 14… What can I say? Sometimes so hot that I could scream! Seriously. I don’t know what it is, but he has this presence about him. I really like men who have a certain presence. Bob has that, in an immense way. No wonder I am smitten like never before!

And then the newcomer; Marco Materazzi. He is a great football (soccer) player widely (in) famous for the head banging incident in the EURO 2006. I think he seems like a nice, often misunderstood, humorous family guy… Plus he is attractive, and has brown eyes, which I am a sucker for! *lol* He plays for Inter in Italy, and is Italian himself. Mmmmm, lips, yes he has...


I've had a very productive weekend, schoolwise. "Nerdy" is an accurate description. Glad I studied as much as I did, got tons done! Brilliant!

My mind is vacuum-like, and so I will leave you go now. There is no point in writing even more shite. I am sure I will be back, and better, tomorrow.

Monsoon *tiiiired*

THE WHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeeeeaaaaa!!! I am so un-fucking-believably happy, excited, thrilled, over the top giddy and much much more right now. Why? Because my beloved The Who are coming to Norway, to play on the Quart festival. Jaaaaysis Mary and Joseph, I can hardly believe it. I just bought tickets, for me and my friend Rønnaug. We're so there on July 4th! This is the best thing ever, and boy did that make my day. I hope Bob is going too. He should, having liked them since forever. But of course, I won't see him there. There'll be way too many people for that, unfortunately. But then; The Who, and seeing him at the same time; I guess I would have died... *lol*

I am so excited, and I just can't hide it! Must dance around to The Who, and be wild right now!

Monsoon

It's cold, and I don't like it so much

I can’t help myself; I must read “Overheard in New York” once in a while. I read pages and pages today, and I laughed my head off. Well, partly off, as my ugly head still sits on top of me. Haha! But seriously, it is hilarious stuff!
So of course I have to share three of them with you guys:

Bimbette #1: The weather has been crazy.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, I think we were having global warming yesterday.

Man: That place isn't Chinese, it's Japanese.
Woman: Yeah, but some Chinese are Japanese.
--42nd & Madison

Chick #1: So, what are we doing tonight?
Chick #2: I don't know... Wanna go down on me?
Chick #1: Jesus Christ, Chelsea, can you be a little louder?
Chick #2: So, is that a 'no'?
--Central Park


So, Stina met me in town yesterday, came home with me, and stayed the night. Not that way, we’re just friends. *lol* She didn’t even sleep in my bed. We had a fantabulous day, with good dinner, talks about everything; school, history, the society we live in, (sex too, needless to say, as we are incapable of being together without discussing sex in any form) and just enjoying the evening. But, this morning when we went to catch the 9 train we got the message that it was late. First 15 minutes, then 20, then even more. Argh! After being outside in the snow and fucking freezing weather for 45 minutes, my face was blue, hands so cold that I am sure I could have broken one finger and not felt it, and my arse was numb. I called my mum and she collected us. In the end there was no point for me going to school, as I wouldn’t have gotten there before my classes were over. Really bleedin annoying as it was compulsory lecture today. Yikes! Stina didn’t get onto the train before 11.30.

I have been to Eva’s today, which was also nice. Only trouble was that I had an insane headache which ruined the afternoon for me altogether. So I didn’t stay long at her place. I went home and ate “komle” for dinner. YUMMMY!

After that, what have I done? Difficult to tell. None of which I had planned to do, must admit. But that was due to my headache. I did download a really happy song. And I’ve listened to it about five times, and danced my arse off. (I wish!!) Really gets me going, wow! I needed a stimulant like that!! It is called Grace Kelly, and it is sung by Mika. It’s not normally my cup of tea, music wise, but it just hit me, straight in my dance foot. Tjihi…

I miss learning Spanish, and I miss my Spanish teacher. His name was Terje Leraand, and he was brilliant. I know Elise miss him too, and no wonder; he was a very inspiring and terrific teacher. His ways made you, at least Elise and I, want to learn more and more yet… I do adore teachers who are like that. As said before, my history/math teacher was the same. But, back to me wanting to learn more Spanish, I really do! I have decided to read one chapter every night in my book, before going to sleep. I need to keep it alive, until I am done studying. Then I can do courses and learn more. I just don’t have the time now, seriously not. Aprenderé más español, ¡sin duda! (excuse me Spanish speaking people if this was terrible wrong!)

Sooo, I think I’m gonna eat something now. Hungry I am. *Must hear the good feisty song first*

Hugs

Monsoon

ZZZZZZZZZZ

Zzzzzzzzzznore… Tired, really tired, yet it is too early to go to bed. I just can’t picture going to bed at 8. Oh no!

Listening to music, but it seems that I am able to relate every fucking song to something sad and miserable. I guess it’s the mood I’m in. Bugger. For some reason the times “he” appears in my mind per day, has increased over the past few weeks. And especially during the last week. I have no idea why. It isn’t very nice, in fact; it’s awful. The other night I think I had about 5 dreams about him, and woke up in frenzy every time. I’ve prayed for it to let go, to be ridden of my feelings, and so on. Yet, nothing happens. Clearly I am supposed to go through this. To go through every minuscule emotion, anxiety, longing, desire, yes all of it, alone. Alone, again, naturally, like Colin Firth says in “Love actually”. I think that’s such a good saying. It fits. But I am just so weary from this. But I will shut my gobshite now. I am sorry for going on an on about this subject. It’s just that it devours my whole being, and mind, and it’s difficult to sometimes not give in and write a few lines of how it makes me feel.

Bygones…

I think I am going to go and read some psychology. Tried to read earlier today, on the train going home, but I almost fell asleep, so I figured there was no point in reading as I wouldn’t remember a single thing. I do however first have to write about this very peculiar, and sorry, excruciatingly boring, teacher that we have. One example from today’s class: she wrote her phone number for us to contact her. Later she was writing stuff on the blackboard, and said out loud: “Oh, my phone number has nothing to with this… *laughter* Wasn’t that very funny what I said? How come no one is laughing then, don’t you find that funny? Oh, you are probably perplexed by the complexity of this subject, aren’t you? Have you ever heard of Bismarck, no I guess you haven’t… (Bismarck, no who is he!? Haha, of course we know!) Jaysis, what a monologue, and hello! We aren’t 10 years of age. She is weird that one!

I am gong now, leaving with a joke. More suitable for around Christmas, but darn it! So true in a way… Tjihi!

Press to get bigger image, to be able to read.

Monsoon

Bob, in the 10th power

Start adding (it's an order!)

Ok, as usual I stole this from dear Martha. I just thought it to be funny. Many of the questions have to do with sex, nooooh, really? *lol* I was “fined” $ 435, 5. (Yeah I know Martha, it’s more than what I wrote on your blog, but that was because I forgot I had done some things.) This will be even more fun if you give me your results!! You don’t have to tell me what you did or didn’t, if you don’t have an urge to do so… But the end result, your fine, now that’d be cool. So start adding up!

Smoked pot -- $10
Done acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woken up and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone “online” -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Cross-dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on someone of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Masturbated -- $10 ( Now I'm sure no one has done this!)
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25


I’ve watched yet another documentary on the History channel, and yet again it was about Pompeii. What was new this time however was that it was also about Herculaneum. This was the second town to be buried by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius that started on August 24th in 79 AD. I could watch hours and hours about this stuff. Highly fascinating! Roman history is incredibly exciting, it really is. I remember that immediately when starting to learn about ancient history it was a bit difficult. It was like I had to travel in time in my mind and in my ways of thinking, in being able to fully comprehend and appreciate the wonders of this era. And now that I get it; wow! I want to learn more! Frankly, I want to be a historian.

Today I’ve really cleaned my bedroom. It was sorely needed, I’m telling you. I’ve been way too lazy about that room, as have I in the very I am sitting in. But one room is allowed to be untidy. I must have one place to scatter my paper and stuff about. Hehe.

It’s been ages since I heard the rock-opera musical called “Which Witch”. I think it is absolutely fantastic! I love the mix of rock and opera, it is so cool. And quite out of the ordinary too! It’s written by two Norwegian women and a man as well. It is set in 1537, and the story is about a priest who falls in love with a woman. She is wrongly accused for having poisoned him, and then afterwards for being a witch. It is a tragic love story. It’s sad that you can’t get this abroad. If anyone should be interested in hearing this, I could fix something… *discreet cough*

I am awfully vexed over a few things right now. But I won’t elaborate here; I think I’ll use my diary for that, as it is too intimate and personal.

Bye bye!

Monsoon

The D-day is here

Weighing day! Hehe… Not so happy about it though, come to think of it, as I still have my period. Argh! You see I am always very bloated then, as my body retain water like a sponge. This is why I never have a normal weight during my period. Nevertheless; I have lost 7, 5 kilos, which is 16, 5 lbs, since January 1st. I am after all exceedingly pleased with that. Yea!

So this weekend is indulgence weekend. Guess what I had for dinner? Spaghetti carbonara, made from scratch. I found my ex, Inger Marie’s, recipe, which is sooo to die for. So now I am quite full, to say the least. But it was consumed with pleasure and a happy smile, while watching the magnificent series of “Anne of Green Gables” on TV. Dear Martha; do you have any idea how I envy you who live on Prince Edward Island? Oh dear God, it looks like a piece of heaven, I am telling you! Charlottetown… Sigh… (For those of you who haven’t seen that series; DO!! It is filmed on location in Canada, on Prince E. Island, amongst others I suppose.)

I’ve studied quite a lot the last days, and so many things in my life are going grand. Still, there is one dark spot, that I think won’t go away for a while yet, unfortunately. It made me cry, just now. I might sound pathetic and all, but I don’t give a shite. It is all part of the new me, and I think it is smart of me to do so. Don’t hide my true self, my true emotion and state of mind. Be honest, and don’t eat them “away”. I write “away”, because it doesn’t take the pain away, it just calms it for a while. I will deal with them instead, no matter how painful and excruciating they are. So if I feel like crying; I will. If I want to scream out in anger; I do. Hehe… Mental case? No, really not. Just sad, and fighting stuff, and that makes me enormously poignant. (what a lovely word, don't you think Elise?!)

Have taken lots of pictures down by the sea lately, and I’ve decided to make 15x20 cm copies of them and hang them in my bathroom. The sea theme fits in there as its all blue and turquoise. There, done. I’ve ordered 7 of the pictures to be developed. Can’t wait to get them, and to hang them on my bathroom. It will look gorgeous, I just know it.

One other thing which made me sad was the fact that Stina didn’t come. She was supposed to come today. I got a text message the other day telling me she couldn’t come. I won’t say why in here, but it made so sad. I had been looking so much forward to it. She hasn’t been here in ages. Someone else I haven’t seen in ages is Vegar. I miss him. Must write him on msn and ask should we meet soon. Maybe next week or something.

Enough now. Tonight I am going to watch a good film and eat ice-cream, and not think about him. (yeah right!)

Love