Listening to music, but it seems that I am able to relate every fucking song to something sad and miserable. I guess it’s the mood I’m in. Bugger. For some reason the times “he” appears in my mind per day, has increased over the past few weeks. And especially during the last week. I have no idea why. It isn’t very nice, in fact; it’s awful. The other night I think I had about 5 dreams about him, and woke up in frenzy every time. I’ve prayed for it to let go, to be ridden of my feelings, and so on. Yet, nothing happens. Clearly I am supposed to go through this. To go through every minuscule emotion, anxiety, longing, desire, yes all of it, alone. Alone, again, naturally, like Colin Firth says in “Love actually”. I think that’s such a good saying. It fits. But I am just so weary from this. But I will shut my gobshite now. I am sorry for going on an on about this subject. It’s just that it devours my whole being, and mind, and it’s difficult to sometimes not give in and write a few lines of how it makes me feel.
Bygones…
I think I am going to go and read some psychology. Tried to read earlier today, on the train going home, but I almost fell asleep, so I figured there was no point in reading as I wouldn’t remember a single thing. I do however first have to write about this very peculiar, and sorry, excruciatingly boring, teacher that we have. One example from today’s class: she wrote her phone number for us to contact her. Later she was writing stuff on the blackboard, and said out loud: “Oh, my phone number has nothing to with this… *laughter* Wasn’t that very funny what I said? How come no one is laughing then, don’t you find that funny? Oh, you are probably perplexed by the complexity of this subject, aren’t you? Have you ever heard of Bismarck, no I guess you haven’t… (Bismarck, no who is he!? Haha, of course we know!) Jaysis, what a monologue, and hello! We aren’t 10 years of age. She is weird that one!
I am gong now, leaving with a joke. More suitable for around Christmas, but darn it! So true in a way… Tjihi!
Press to get bigger image, to be able to read.
Monsoon
Bob, in the 10th power
1 comment:
Bismarck like Otto von Bismarck or Bismarck like a good cold beer? :)
Seriously, I see you are simply very very tired. You have many things to do and these things are challenges you have to face every day. Common! You can do it. Be it your eating programm or your studies - you will win each battle. Even the one with Bob. Each time you think of Bob, imagine that he is drowning and you can't do anything about it. He is drowning, you're sad, terrified even, but... relieved. Because t h e r e i s n o m o r e B o b. I know, it might be a little bit extreme (I can be very wild sometimes), but at the moment it can do just a little good to really really tired Eilen, eh? At least smile. You know you're the best. Don't let anyone say otherwise.
Lots of love, Lilie
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