Had set the alarm to ring at 9, because I wanted to get up and going. Had planned to go for a walk down by the sea, on this gravel road that goes alongside and close to the shore. When the alarm woke me I could hardly see it, as I was insanely tired. I felt like I had just fallen asleep. So I said; “are you fucking joking me”, and then I fell asleep again. Woke up 10.30 and got up, only to hear that it was totally pouring down with rain. Luckily the worst stopped, and so I got to go for that walk. It was windy and rainy down there, and I looked a mess when I came home. It was good though.
My first week in my new program, and I am doing fine. I have cravings, and in that I mean really enormous cravings. I feel crazy, restless, irate, and sad. Yes to say that I am plainly mentally ill would suffice to describe me. Only those who have seen me in these hysterics can understand the extent of them, and what they do. I think I even scared Eva once when having a fit when she was here. Poor thing! I am per definition a drug addict on the search for her next fix. Only it can’t be found, because there is no way in hell I am letting myself go again. I am so used to being like this, and so I know how to handle them. Preoccupy myself with something. Today I’ve played The Sims. Made a beautiful house for a couple. It was me and a man, and next door I Made Eva and her hubby Trond. Yes, I am 32, I just don’t always act like it. And playing games like this; I am sure I will never stop.
I am going to the doctor’s tomorrow. I have this eczema around my eyes, which itches, stings and looks terrible! One morning my left eye was swollen, and I could hardly open it. Horrific sight! *lol* I hope I can get something for it.
Agnete phoned me today, and we talked for a good while. She had to hear how I was doing with my “new life”. She is lovely!
School starts on Wednesday. I can’t say that I am looking forward to it, but I have to face it. There are about five billion pages to read for out next exam which is in March already. Jees! I am getting really stressed by the thought of it. Must become better at studying, no doubt!
I am just so full of crap, so I’ll just stop here before I start writing about stuff I ought not to.
Monsoon
3 comments:
You didn't scared me... Not at all...
Loved that picture...
Now Im off to bed... See you! I'm calling SFO tomorrow, Hopefully I will get some answers
Bye bye
I can perfectly understand those terrible cravings. I had those all the time. Still have them. I think there is really no way to get rid of them. I got to see my love for food like a true drug addiction. When I don't have some, I suffer like a real addict. Horrible, but I have to face this truth. I am immensly proud of your courage, dear.
Love,
Lilie
Nothing wrong with playing The Sims! As soon as i get myself a PC [and that will be SOON, we've already set up "my corner" and "my desk", all I need to do is choose what I want and Kosh'll get it for me!], Kosh already knows the first thing I'm gonna buy is The Sims 2. And Sim City 3000 or whichever is the latest one. Maybe even a Civilisation game [I was SO addicted while in college!].
Battling cravings: I will send reinforcing thoughts your way :-)
btw - happy [belated] new year1 hope 2007 is treating you well so far.
hugzz,
*lynne*
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