Official bugger all whining day

I am having a very bad day, and so forgive me for what I am about to write. Bugger bugger bugger! I just want to cry. I am so drained, so excruciatingly wrecked that it isn’t even funny. I can feel the huge lump in my throat at all times. Due to a lot, but most of all because of the two major things of this last year, so it seems; Bob and EXAMS! I really don’t get these subjects, and I feel like I am failing on all accounts. Makes me sad, as I had such high hopes and expectations for it all. I just don’t understand it. My brain seems to be so not tuned into stuff like this. The concepts, the theories on how the state works. Fuck it all! And this even comes from a woman who actually is interested in politics and the world’s going on, and still… I feel sorry for those who aren’t interested in it at all. How do they cope? The exam is a fretting week and half away.

In addition; I keep finding life at University, as a whole, very disagreeable. I never look forward to going there, quite the contrary. I know what it will be like; sit alone, eat alone, sit and be alone in the breaks, and go home sometimes without having talked to anyone. And it isn’t that I don’t try. Believe me. I like to chat. Heck I love it!! I do small talk to a few people, and some of them even smile and say hi, unsolicited… Wow. But most of the time they are all too busy with their cliques and gangs to notice the fat girl eating her slices of bread alone on the bench. Some are filled with prejudice and have avoided me like I was one of those horrendous plagues that spread like the wildfire since they found out I was bisexual. I certainly do not feel like part of any class at all. God, I feel like such a deviant looser. This isn’t what I had wanted or hoped for. Also; there’s a paucity of people my age there. They’re either 19-20 or 47-52, and I think that makes matters worse. I do try to keep a positive mind about it though, but on days like this that is impossible. I won’t let it keep me down, I promise! I will get up and shine!

Eva was at my place yesterday evening, and we had a good time. She is lovely. It is all so relaxing with her. After all we’ve known each other for 30 years. I am glad I have real honest and fantastic friends, when times are bollix.

I just talked to Irene on the phone, and we talked for 1, 5 hours. It left me feeling a bit better, at the moment. She is great. Talked history, men, school, work, incomes and lots more. She and her hubby Arne were in London just now. They had visited “The imperial war museum”, which is one of my top 5 on my “to do list”. That visit would probably stand out as one long orgasm to me. Irene agreed… They had enjoyed it a great deal too.

However I am off to watch a documentary on the Nürnberg/Nuremberg trial, which started in 1945.

Take care you lot!

Monsoon

I love him still, bugger!


*lol* Some windchime, eh!? Found in Pompeii, where a lot of other erotic related things were found. Imagine this in a living room.