Cool me down, please!

My own personal D-day is soon here, actually only one day to go… I decided that after many days of intense reading, I wanted to have a little break. I can’t over-over-stress myself any more. I still have some pages to re-read, however; right now it’s music time, combined with some writing. Have I mentioned how much I adore The Who? “The song is over, it’s all behind me”. This reminds me of poor Roger who has bronchitis. They’ve had to cancel shows… Get well soon!!

I swear I look wrecked and unhealthy. And I feel like I am not part of my own body. Body and mind are like two separate objects floating around, not connected at all. When I can’t sense the sexual part of my own mind and body, then I know something’s not right. When I don’t feel like “doing the solo business”, then it’s even worse… I must be so tense that I hardly even notice it. Numbness. I am sure I will fall victim to my own stupidity, and hopefully this will teach me to refrain from stressing as much for the next exam. (It’s on June 6th, which actually is the real D-Day, from 1944)

Also tomorrow when I come home, and my ex has collected the rest of her stuff, which is a lot, I will collapse in a pond of tears. Believe me. As I sit here writing, tears are already running down my cheeks. It stems from this turmoil of a creepy nothingness inside. Sad, angry, anxious, nervous. Over-ambitious and over-conscientious much?! Plus that “same old business” is tearing me more apart than usual! Leave me the fuck alone!

Sorry, tad mad today, eh!? Not really. Just a weird version of me, one that I am not tempted to meet again to be honest.

I‘ve consoled my inner lunacy with a pizza for dinner. Yes, the healthy option, eh? It did me good, needless to say. Why can’t carrots, cabbage and lettuce of any sort, have that same comforting effect? I think that is odd, I really do. Didn’t think fat heightened the serotonin level like chocolate does…

My friend Helen suddenly got married this Saturday. She and her hubby have been together for around 15 years I think it is. They have three insanely gorgeous children. Nobody knew they were getting married, and their parents were told they were coming for a Birthday party. Little did they know there was a surprise wedding to be held. Cool. And congrats to you both!
They got married in this tiny chapel. There’s room for around 7 people. Cute and lovely!

So from Lunacy City I say goodbye for now.

I will update tomorrow, if Iam at all able to stand on my own two feet...

Love Monsoon xxx