Sweaty stressed and nervous I sit here in the middle of the night. Can’t sleep, it’s like I’m still on a high. I twist and turn and dream about self perception theories and other exam related stuff. In the middle of all that I dream of a beautiful and smiling Bob. *huge sigh*.
The exam went ok, nothing great I can assure you. If I get a very good grade on this, the censorship must be in a weird mental state. Or perhaps I judge myself much harder than everyone else. However it was a very difficult exam. My ex was here yesterday, and as you know she is one your above me in the same study. She had totally frozen when she saw our exam, and thought it was insanely difficult. It was assignment number 3 I struggled with: “An acknowledgment of this vast culture variation is fundamental for understanding humanity.” I get what it means, but the question was: explain what Barth means with this. Ok, I can do that in about one sentence. How can I make this into a longer one? That was the hard part. Yikes! I heard about others who had written close to nothing, and one girl wasn’t able to write anything. She didn’t even understand it at all. I managed three pages I think it was.
So now that I am supposed to be all relaxed, I am not. I can’t relax on any level.
After my ex and her “crew” had left, I went to Eva. It was great to be with her at that time. Thank you dear! It made me not cry out of pure exhaustion.
Though I think I need to.
Going to my paternal grand father’s funeral today. I never really knew him. Neither did my dad… Long story. I am not sad he is dead. How can I? It’s like going to the funeral to someone off the streets basically. The sad part here is the fact that a relationship never developed, and even more so for my father. Must be terrible…
Have to try to sleep again. Bob, Bob, Bob… I wish I could control my dreams!!
Monsoon
3 comments:
Sorry to hear of your grandfather's death. I wish you had known him.
Yeah, it's just one of those complex things in life... I wish I had known him too, for real. I did meet him, but I was 15 the first time it happened, and it was all weird. Dad was 39 at the time, and he hadn't seen his daddy since he wsa 1 month old. I was at an age where grandparents weren't the most important thing in life. Sadly. I better take care of those maternal grandparents I still have here then... The funeral is done, he is at peace now at least.
I've been thinking about you alot today. I hope all is well. Email me soon. We haven't had a good email session in quite some time. Hope you are taking care of yourself.
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