on this one as well. Which won’t happen. I am so not where I should be, study wise, so an A is an impossibility. But hey, as long as I pass I should be able to be satisfied. But will I be, like honestly? Nope! The over-ambitiousness is creeping upon me. More like killing me! I NEED TO STOP, as I can’t learn anything in this state of mind. Help!
And when it comes to anything that can be eaten, I am insatiable today. I am so emotionally hungry that I feel like a mad woman. I am just writing reading trying to do stuff to keep my mind off eating everything that sits in my fridge. I drove my parents to the airport on Thursday, and then I collected them again today. Another couple got a lift both ways as well. Dad’s work has this yearly trip abroad, just for fun. This time to Amsterdam. Well, anyway, when we had dropped off the other couple the woman came over to my side and gave me some exclusive chocolate as a little token of gratitude. Chocolate! I mean, it was chocolate… The finest sort. Ooooh. *Drooling all over the flat* And on a day of enormous emotional hunger, could the situation be any worse!? Instead of stuffing my face with them, I ate two slices of brown bread. It’s better, and it was my third meal of the day, so it was ok really, even though I wasn’t really hungry as such… Oh the torments, eh!? In the midst of all these feelings I thought about Bob an awful lot too. What’s new?
I must sound insane to you who don’t understand the concept of emotional hunger, or the way this hunger runs through every vein, blood vessel, pore and cell of your body, tickling, tempting, “screaming”; eat, eat, eat! It is terrible. It is terror within.
Law and sociology is on the timetable at Uni tomorrow. I like law, and the teacher there is really good! I even enjoy going into the depths of each law within the book “The laws of Norway”. Hard to think in such ways, but interesting nevertheless.
Yea! It is soon 11, so now I can go to bed. Sleep the madness off. Tomorrow is a new and hopefully better day.
How nice of him to let us know... Bad choice of name for a hamburger "mascot"
Monsoon
bbbbbob...
4 comments:
The more I read you, the more I admire you. Your courage is an example.
I know how you feel right now, because when I am stressed or upset (or both), I NEED to eat. I get thrice stressed and upset from knowing I can't let myself eat like I would like to. Sometimes I break, and then I have to double my efforts afterwards, in order to get back to my "good weight". Sometimes I hold good, but it cost me a good set of nerves and I get to ask myself if all of this is well worth it.
So I repeat: I am very proud of you.
You are a very hard-working and determined person. You have high standards and you are very exigent with yourself. So I am sure, and I mean SURE, that you will pass well your exam. But please, do not think that everyone EXPECTS you to have an A. No one, at least no one that really cares about you, expects you to never fail. All we want is for you to do your best. And that's what you're doing. So we're already very very proud of you, no matter the grade you might get. Although I am sure that your work will be noted highly, even if it is not an A. You have an admirable will power, intelligence and talent. Just believe in yourself like we believe in you. And you'll be on the better side of the moon.
Love,
Lilie
Oh my dear Lilie.
You are eloquent, and so lovely, so here is a hug: *hugging you*.
I only wish I could have your view on things, and my life. I try to wake up every day, with a positive spin. Especially regarding my self-esteem, so I've started something new I heard about: I stand in front of the mirror, stark naked, and I say out loud that I accept my neck, my face, my tummy, etc. Then I visualize myself much slimmer, and imagine how I will feel in my body then, and try to shift that good feeling into myself now. It does help a little.
Yes, sometimes I am hard-working, but not always. When I am very dark I can't seem to concentrate properly. But I have to try to be happy to just pass this exam, as I can't expect much more. I feel no control at all. I don't even know what type of exam it is, which vexes me. My class is an "experiment", as this exam always was a home based one before. But now we are going to have a one day exam at Uni. so looking back at old exams to get a certain grip of what to expect, won't help.
Though, your words always seem to cheer me, lifte me, make me smile, and you have no idea how good that is. Funny how someone you've never met can influence one's mind and life...
Thank you, for being here!
Love Eilen
Ahhhh, Dark Side of the Moon, one of the best albums in the world.
Hey!
I hope you know that the only thing i want for you, is that you do your best. Nothing more!
I dont expect you to get an A on this xam, just because you got it last!
I know how you are "struggleing" (is that the right word?)
I'll love you regardless! Understand?
Good luck, and I'm not going to disturb you, by "plinging" the msn, when I know you're reading.
Best of love
Eva
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