Long time

Wind and rain, heavy horizontal rain, as usual here. But I love it. I like weather that almost goes through your body. Really rough and fabulous weather.

Anyway. I haven’t been writing for many days. I think it is the longest gap between two blog entries, since I started a little over a year ago. Don’t know why, no I do know. I think my writing is insanely boring. I only write about what I’ve been doing and about my fucked up emotional life and so on. It’s like; why would that be interesting to anyone? God! I don’t know where I am going with this blog anymore. I think it’s gone somewhere I never planned for it to go. Should I stop writing? But then; I haven’t a clue as to what I should be writing about instead. I don’t want a political blog, only fractions of it. I don’t want it to be a complete journey of my extremely complex mind, like in the form of poems, short-stories and “blabber”. I don’t want it to be a reeling off of someone else’s words, definitions and opinions in all forms. I want it to be me. The true me. But I can’t reveal all the truth. The written language is much more powerful than the spoken. You can’t see the person, the expressions, body-language or eyes. Therefore the written word is easily misunderstood in the way that people tend to exaggerate the words, and give them other meanings than they were intended.

I remember I wrote a poem about how I waned to sleep for a long time. To me that just meant for a while; until the storm was ridden… But to most of my friends that “meant” that I wanted to die. So there you go! Perhaps it’s just meeee…? In addition; the one thing constantly on my mind I can’t talk about all the time. Most of you feel revulsion by the name Bob by now, and you might even experience puking. To be honest; he is on my mind 24-7, no doubt. In by bloodstream, floating around like the only truth I will ever find. But I can’t just go on, and on, and on about him. So to get some of the steam out, I might just end an entry with BOB… nothing more. It says it all. “My head is saying "fool, forget him". (From some lyrics…)

I sit here and look at my beautiful and sweet pussycat. So glad I have her. When I feel lonely,”talking” to her and cuddling up with her helps me. At least she is a living creature…
A social person like me isn’t made for living alone. It sucks.

Looking forward to going to school tomorrow. Then I am going to tell one of the teachers I got an A. She old me she was keeping her fingers crossed for me, so I know she will be so happy to hear about my grade. Of course it won’t be painful to tell people how I did either. Woo hoo! *lol*

I am dead tired and so I am going to bed, big time!

Monsoon

*BOB*