Mindless mumbo jumbo

I started this study because I want to help/support/empower people to get out of whatever difficult situation they’re in, and for whatever reason. As I read I find myself agreeing with one of the authors. She says about her own years of studying social work: “I thought this was about learning about other people. But it wasn’t long before I learned that it had just as much to do with me learning about myself.” This is so true! I have actually had to put down the books sometimes, as emotions rise high. It hits close to home. I think to myself: Is this allusive?” God, it stirs me up!

I have come to a decision. In order to try even harder at letting go of the always present Mr. B himself, I have chosen to try get totally pre-occupied with my studies. (GOD I miss him though!!) To focus on what’s important to me right now; which is to get an education. So I will learn for the sake of learning, not just good grades, explore, expand and grow and so on. Take pleasure in becoming the best social worker I can turn into.

I am exceptionally emotional at the moment. And have been for the past two weeks. I don’t know what it is. Well, I do know some reasons, the most apparent ones, but the more underlying ones are harder to pinpoint. I feel I am in a phase of transition in my soul, and life in general. Can’t really explain, but I hope that it will get clearer as time goes by. Like I’ve said before; sometimes I wish I were a robot. Emotions are fucking my life up, no doubt. And I am not one for living in repression either. I can’t disavow what’s inside. Neither can I hide it for me, or anyone else. I have to live, feel and be honest, in all aspects like that. Can’t go around pretending everything is grand. “I don’t bottle up my feelings, as it isn’t good for me”. I am sad, but simultaneously I am becoming more content also, which I am grateful for. It’s all my own work with my mind and social life.

If I may sound/be silly; I miss a few things, physically, like crazy! When you're used to intimacy for 6 years, and then in the split of a second it's all gone... Drives me nuts with longing.
Especially towards a certain someone. I've never been near him that way, and I can  practially feel how my hands want to touch him. For some reason; his hair, hands and cheeks in particular. I also miss kissing. I love it. It's so intimate and the feeling of your love's lips, oh kill me now! But not as much as a tongue in sight, except my own... *lol* 

Jabber, jabber, jabber. I am sure this was all very interesting, to hear me talking about things like this. Ah well! It’s my blog, isn’t it!? *lol*

I will leave you go now.

But before I go; try to log on to the Internet using these instructions, found in a Hotel in Asia. Good one! Hihi...

Monsoon :-)