Beauty, Amercian beauty that is

Yes, I just finished watching American Beauty. It is so true... there is beauty everywhere, if we just take the time to look. So many times it's right in front of us. Bleeding great film I think. Made me cry. Unabashadly crying, so now I look terrible.

Have had some alcohol... I am so bad! It's aTuesday, but I just felt like it. Haven't had any since New yeras Eve... And so since I am very cheap when it comes to alcohol, meaning I get woozy on very littel alcohol, I am now woozy, big time... hihi... I apologize for horrible bad spellings, bad grammar and also extremely emotional writing, in advance. *lol*

I love that film. It is an eye-opener in many ways I think. The way he wakes up after being in an emotional and sexual coma for years... That's just what I felt like when I met Bob. It was like I had been dead inside, well almost. At least I hadn't felt truly alive in many years. But when I first saw Bob, it was like this moment of clarity, I will never forget it for as long as I live. It was like for the first time I could see my future, the way I would want it to be. Through him, if you know what I mean. I woke up. My emotions and my sexuality woke up, big time!

He stood there with his gorgeous being, tall body, big brown eyes and calming voice, and without talking to me directly, he "told me", you are worth something, you mean something, you can be who and what you want. He never said this, he didn't have to. I just felt it... Weird. I don't even know of he thinks so... Funny isn't it. But fucking bad too. Bad, really really bad. I think he is the most amazing, interesting, funny, intelligent, well spoken, passionate and fantastic human being I have ever laid my eyes on, and yet: I can never have him. If I could just touch him once, at least his face...

My body feels numb. And I feel slow, my fingers move slowly, can they find the right letters on the keyboard? My eyes are heavy, my mouth and tongue react slowly, and my body is tingly. I feel warm, and I am in a sexy mood... Every time I drink... *lol* I would like to..... Ok I am gonna stop myself right there, I shouldn't wwrite anything more on that, cause I can't "tell all"... I am way too open. Shut me up!

Aaarghh! I am so mad at my fat useless body. My fucking bad hip in particular. My super duper friend Rønnaug asked me today to go with her to a Roger Waters concert in Stavanger, and the ticket would be a Birthday present from her. I would have absolutely loved to go, cause I really like him. But she only had standing tickets, and my bloody bad body can't stand for that long. My hip would kill me. So therefore I detest my body today. Why couldn't I have been thin and also not have a hip problem. (my hip problem isn't a weight related issue, I got it at 14...) I want to go to this concert. I haven't been to a live thing since I was at Britney Spears in 2000. that is 6 years, and I LOVE concerts, and music!! I could never live without music. It's the best food/nourish for my soul.

It's now soon 12, and I should be off to bed. Am having an early start tomorrow, with a math exam xourse, I mean course. But I have so many things I want to do first. Night is the best. I love it. I tihnk I am gonna go out on my balcony and sit topless in the rain. I love the feeling of the wet rain on my body. No one can see me out there so don't worry; I won't give someone a heart attack from seeing me topless. *lol* Or is it too cold? Probably.

But seeing I am in this state I think I will have to make myself stop, so that I don't write sometinh i will totally regret tomorrow.

Woohoo... I like Bob, I do. He is everything, and I think my heart is about to cave in from all the feelings I have for him.

Monsoon - who can't be bothered to correct what she has written, and who talks of herself in third person... bollix.