I have had a terrific day at school today. One of my fellow students is a great guy, and we get along nicely. He is much younger than me, and yet I truly enjoy talking to him. We are both music lovers, and are often seen with our Mp3 players.
It feels so good to be social, and not having to feel that I am not good enough. One of my problems is just that; I feel that I am not worthy of speaking to other people, especially skinny people. Why do I feel like that? It is nothing short of stupid really! My sensibility tells me that it is silly to think like that, but then my insecurity tells me the opposite.
Who to believe!?!?
I am not so angry today. I am feeling somewhat "normal". *laughing*.
I feel like dancing. I feel "giddy", and excited. I think I am going to work out when I get home. It does me good. And there is nothing more satisfying than the feeling you have when you sink into the comfort of a chair after a good exercise. (well, of course there are things more satisfying, but I will not get into them here... :-)) Anyhowwww...
Also when I get home I will put more of my X-mas decorations up. I have done some of the decoration, but the rest are just sitting on the floor. So every time I pass it on my way to the loo I get reminded that I should do something about it. Who's your housewife!?!? Eh?
If I start knitting or embroidering I will have to kill myself. Kidding!! But I have never taken an interest in those kind of things. I am much more of a tomboy. I like mens' stuff. My favorite shops are hardware shops, where technical gadgets, nails, screws, and "manly" stuff are sold.
In Norway we have two shops called "Clas Ohlson" and "Biltema".
I totally love these shops, and my girlfriends puke at the idea of even parking nearby. For most girls it's all about clothes and shoes. Who can shop for clothes for several hours? I know I can't.
Which brings me right over to the art of shopping. How exciting is it for a fat girl to go shopping for clothes. You go the the store, you browse, you look, you make annoyed faces, and try not to look like you're affected by the insanely tiny sizes. ("Could these shirts BE any smaller?)
Then, suddenly you approach the clerk. You don't know where you got the courage, but it's there. The girl behind the desk is skinny, and happily showing off her newly purchased belly button ring, and her low low cut jeans are so low that the whole world is her gynecologist.
You hand her a garment and ask in the all too familiar numb voice; " Do you have these in a plus, plus, plus size?" To which she replies; "sorry, we don't carry them in the size "beached whale". You meet her eyes, trying to see a speck of humanity, but no. There is only the look that tells you one thing: "Why don't you go home and not eat for a while, in fact why don't you stop eating all together". You leave the store with no self-confidence what so ever, and take a vow to shop online for the remains of your life.
Recently I found out that the resemblance between myself and a tent is striking. When I put on my long black coat I am transformed into this large tent. A bleedin' tent! How uplifting an image is that!?!
I leave today with the "wise" words of Edina Monsoon from "Absolutely fabulous", who said:
"Inside of me sweetie, inside of me, there is a thin person just screaming to get out"
No comments:
Post a Comment