Irate!

Am writing in red, cause it symbolises the way I feel right now.
Angry, enraged, irate, and all other words for angry you can find. Actually right now it feels good to be angry. I haven't been angry in weeks. Ususally I am only sad and disheartened.
Luckily I have a friend called Karin. She is great, and today she has bought me chinese take away, which I will eat after she picks me up at the train station at home. We are going to watch the world cup in "handball" together. Looking forward to that. Go Norway!!

But, back to more important things, like my anger. Why you say? Well, many things I think. I am furious at myself for liking this man. There is no point to it, and nevertheless, the feelings stick. Clinging to me like a bad virus that won't go away. I have written so many pages about this in my diary, and yet, I am still not wiser, and I have not found a cure.

I hate being like this. Insecurity killed me...

Oh my god, I sound like I am really depressed, but that isn't the case.
It's just that I am a bit down at the moment. Me and my ex-girlfriend really broke up, just two weeks ago. On a tuesday she loved me and wanted nothing more than to just be with me. But then on the following Sunday, she suddenly had a new girlfriend. Six years of my life then has to be put behind me.
Six years of loving, respecting, sharing, fighting, kissing, love-making, cuddling, traveling, emotional journeys, growing toghether, security, laughter, fun, dinner making, late breakfasts at Sunday noon, receiving signs that you are great, and all other wonderful things....

Ahh... It is not easy. But, unfortunately, it is all my own bloody fault isn't it.
I got a crush on someone else. This man, who still haunts me... I don't understand. I miss her in a great way, but I still like him. And if I am going to be honest; I have never been more attracted, on all levels, and in all ways possible, by anyone I have ever met.
Why am I such a fool?!?!?