Saturday evening and I am staying home, alone, with the PC and my cat as the only company. WOW! What a looser! No, not really, but I have to admit that I sometimes feel a little like a looser. Can't help it. Seems like everyone I know have come so much further in their lives. They have education, men/boyfriends/fiancees, well-paid jobs, "couple friends", they take trips, and they are just kinda "there"... God I feel so single. (well HELLO!!! you have been single for over 8 months, maybe it's time you wake up and smell the singelness?!?!? ) (Ok, one more comment... Is it sane to address oneself with "you"...?) Haven't gotten used to being single yet. It's weird to not be a part of a two-some. But I guess I will get used to it in the end...
Bummed out today in fact. Don't know why. Well I do know, but... He has actually taken over my brain and my senses, at least that's what it's like for me. But he is fucking married!!! He will never be mine. I will never be able to look at him and feel how wonderful it is to just be there with him, without having to say anything. I think about him 24-7, and I miss him, all the time. If I was to fall this seriously for someone, why couldn't he have been single at least? Is that truly too much to ask for? Really? Am I going to learn anything from this? Oh yeah; "Do not fall for married guys", is that the message? Well, I GET IT! I got it a year ago actually. So give me a break.
But when I see him I just feel how much I care about him. I just want to give him a hug, but I won't do it of course. Seeing him also makes me happy, he is s terrific. He has such a great sense of humour. Cracks me up he does!! "Bob" has these blue pants, kinda like pilot pants. Smashing! It suits him soooo.... He is long, slim and slender, and he's got a great body!! Just my taste, well as far as I can see. *lol* (He tends to wear way too much clothes on the upper part of his body) One day this fall he only wore a black shirt, and I nearly fell off my chair. He just looked so over-fantastically-incredibly-droolworthy sexy, that I couldn't get rid of that image for days! *LOL*. I am so silly! But when in love... We get excited about these small things like a nice shirt wrapped around a handsome man's body, don't we?
My "chinese-take-away-every-friday-partner-in-crime", Eva, is at her boyfriend's this weekend. About time for them; it had been a month. He lives a 2,5 hour traintrip away. Must be horrible, but at least they have eachother! Aaahh... So much in love they are! I am very happy for them. Also my friend Judit got engaged whilst in Egypt a couple of weeks ago. Brilliant! I haven't met her man, cause they live in Oslo, which is quite far from here. About 8 hours on a train. I hate going by train. And after the U2 concert in 1997 in Oslo I promised myself this; To never force myself to undergo such a terrible event, as it is to go that far by train, ever again. Until now, the promise is kept.
My maternal grandfather is going to be 85 on Monday. We are all going to their house tomorrow to celebrate. He has everything, so I got him a plant. How thrilling! I bet he will be jumping up and down with joy for this gift, eh? But, like what will I get him? He really does have everyhing. Living in the same house since the 50's does that to you I guess. They even collect old milkcartons. He still has some from when I was small. Weird? Yes. But they do use them; in the wood-burning stove. And don't get me started on his reading glasses. Those make his eyes so gigantic looking, it isn't even funny. (well it kinda is...) Talk about your glassbottle bottom... When we try to get him to buy new ones he assures us they're only about four years old. Should we tell him that they're probably older than his granddaughter; me that is...? hehe. I guess he knows somehow... Indenial, that's what he is being.
I've had a crappy week when it comes to my eating. But I have to expect that these momentary lapses of reason will occur from time to time. I will start on a new fresh tomorrow... Cause I am good!
Love - Monsoon :-)
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