Nonstandard

Hello you all,

I am in a very peculiar mood today. I can’t say exactly what it is; there is just this undefined atmosphere within me. Hard to explain, but it’s weird all right.

I am different, and I think that sometimes that acknowledgement haunts me in a way. I just want to blend it. But I will never blend it. Not only am I different inside, but I am fat as well... When I look at the other girls/women at Uni I feel even more of an outsider; a deviant sort of woman that was meant to have assimilated “the universal rules of being woman”, like everybody else. I am not saying I am unique, well of course I am, every human is, but I mean in the sense of me being way strange and diverse.

When I talk to, or overhear other women talk about interests, likes, dislikes, things that get them excited, morals, values, clothing styles, demands towards their men, their sex drive, the use of alcohol and other substances, passions, and more; what I am left with, is that I don’t get them. Not on any levels. John Gray wrote the book (that I never read though…) “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”, well I think I belong on Jupiter then... I have the hardest time understanding and behaving like other females. It’s not that I am male, but I have a lot of qualities that bare some resemblance to the male way of thinking.

My dad says I will be the “perfect wife” for a man, because I understand men so well, in their ways, interests and their “typically male” behaviours. You know the stereo type male with farting, spitting, socks on while having sex, watching sports at all times, loving big hooters and drooling on girls with big assets and nice asses, leaving the toilet seat up, looking at porn, and also their need for jerking off/ masturbating all the times, no matter how much sex they get. Somehow I have no trouble with any of the above things, seriously. And maybe that’s not such a weird thing as I do many of them myself… *lol* When I tell other women this they go; yuk! ugh! and blargh…How can I relate to that? (for the record; I am very much aware of the fact that not all men are the same and that not all men are like that, but I was just trying to make a point…)

I am a bit jealous of the people studying history. God I wish it was me. But I just have to focus on the fact that I can lose myself in history in my spare time. I love history so much, and I would have liked to be a history teacher and Spanish teacher as well. I think I would have been a good one, or maybe not… And, friends let’s not go killing me for saying this, but maths is a new favourite of mine. Stimulating, it really is. But hopefully I will find my own study interesting once I start learning it for real.

I think this is enough for one day.

“One day I’ll fly away”

Monsoon – the peculiar woman *lol*