Entry number 300!

Hi there!

Congrats to me; this is my 300th blogentry. I guess we have established that I have a need to ramble. *lol*

Just thought I’d do some writing. I am sitting here listening to music, and of what I am feeling and who I am thinking of; I will shut my mouth.

Have been to my thing for the third time today, and I think it is doing me good. It is called coaching actually, and it is a very solution oriented form of “therapy”. I write “therapy” because I do not see it as therapy as such. He is mainly helping me to focus on thoughts and sentences that are good for me. In addition he is trying to rid me of my way too negative and untrue, view of my own being. When I mentioned that I went to Sonans, he told me that he knows the principal I had there. She was great, but unfortunately she was only substituting.

In many ways I totally miss that school. “The real world” at University is way scary for someone who thinks they are too fat to be worthy of any kindness… Because of that I tend to stay away from people, and telling everyone with my body language; “I do not want to get to know you, so bugger off!” When the fact of the matter is that I would LOVE to talk to them, and to make new friends. Why do I to these extremely stupid things? One has to start wondering if I have any brains at all…

Yesterday I was at Blue Cross at Sandnes, kinda like a field trip to go see one of the many places a “sosionom” works. (“Sosionom” is somewhat a social worker in English. I am short of a good translation.) They work with drug and alcohol abusers, together with people addicted to slot and gambling machines. We asked a bunch of questions and then today we met up at school to write a report. Then coming Thursday or Friday we are going to present it to the rest of the class. Guess who is dreading that? Could it be meeeee? Oh no, because I am little Miss Security, who simply loves standing in front of people and speak. I never used to mind, but after getting fat I do. I am so sick of stopping myself in living just because I have a lot of fat stored on my body. Who the fuck gives a shite anyway? If anyone should care and find me disgusting; so what? What does that have to do with me? Do I have to befriend these persons? No.

Enough.

Ok, this post ended up a bit depressive, and I didn’t mean for that to happen. I am feeling somewhat ok, though I do struggle with the obvious.

I am hoping to meet Vegar soon. It’s been a while, and I miss him.

I am now going to play “Worms world party”, a hilarious game of killer worms. Highly addictive I might add.

Monsoon