I have tried to get a better closure on the whole Bob thing. And by better I mean that the last one didn’t end up being a closure, not to me. I can’t go on loving this man, so much and so deep, when there is no hope of ever having him as my man. It feels like my whole inside has been taken out and trampled on. Also I feel that a piece of my soul is broken. Right now I am unfixable. In time I hope to be able to make him into a lovely memory. To think about him as someone who affected me in such ways and lengths I never thought possible. Someone who inspired me into the heavens, and who just made me feel all the positive things there is, by just being near me. Also he is the sexiest, most attractive and handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. Sigh. He means everything to me, but I have to let him go. *sobbing*
Right now I am listening to “don’t cry” with Neil Young, to try to get out of the melancholic state this had me in instantly. But that song, and Young in general, isn’t exactly the best when “down in the dumps”, eh? Therefore, I will now stop Young’s music and put something more cheerful and giddy on. Oh fuck! Life sucks, I’m telling you. Why can’t we love people that we can get? Sorry, but I am so vulnerable about this.
Watched UEFA champions league football tonight. Inter met Spartak Moskva, and won their first match in that cup, finally!
I am so sad, which is why I do not see the point in writing any more. It will only be my broken heart talking, and that is so not interesting to you. I can’t believe that I did what I did. Never thought I would be able to. There are some guts in me after all.
Only problem are the friends I have where Bob is. I am running out of excuses as to why I can’t drop by, especially as my bus stops just outside. Gee… Not easy that one.
I need someone to talk to right now.
Monsoon
- wishing I was a robot not feeling anything at the moment -
6 comments:
Thank God it all goes by quickly. Both the love and the sorrow. Where are the tears of yesterday? Where are the snows of tomorrow?
(That's Brecht, and he was right.)
Cheer up, you have a great blog!
Love,
Theo
Yes, but this one has lasted two years almost. So I am not very positive about it going away quickly. But evetually it will...
I'll try to cheer up, thanks for your words!
Monsoon :-)
hey you!
Are you doing a little bit better today, or is it worse? I know that this i "grusomt" for you. But don't remember that there are people who loves you and thinks of you now. See you later
Eva
Near you as always even if we are far...
Hugs. hope to hear from u soon.
I hate to be a fucking ray of sunshine, BUT... it's gonna be fine. you did the right thing.
Eva: Yes, I know. I know it will get better in time.
Writer: Hi there! Thanks, and I will try to get you on Msn this weekend dear.
Martha: Yes, I know it was the right thing to do in the end. The other option wasn't working at all actually, so I am glad I did it no matter how much it hurts.
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