Well, it wasn’t entirely surprising as I had ordered it online. It is a Creative Zen vision :M, and it stores 30GB. I just really wanted one, and since my mood has been crappy and stuff, I thought what the heck. So there you go! Trying to console myself with materialistic things; how smart. Ah well,, we’re allowed once in a while, right!? I sold my old one to a friend, so the total cost of this wasn’t bad. It can play music and films, and also one can use it as an external hard drive, which was one of the main reasons I bought it. I was going to buy an external hard drive anyways, so… Well I am very pleased with it so far. Brilliant menus. I’ve been ripping cds and transferring music from the computer to the player. The only ones I have left to transfer are the big ones; U2, The Who and Neil Young.
Yesterday’s "thing" was ok. It wasn’t really what I had expected, but I think it will become better. There is a whole lot of talk about my focus being wrong, which makes me oppress myself. I know! We’re gonna try to turn this around. I hope we will be able to.
Both Hege and Rønnaug have been here today, so the study didn’t go all that well. But it was great to have visitors, as I am very sociable. In addition I did laundry and tidied. I did some studying though, and there’s a new day tomorrow.
Why do I talk down to myself so much. I feel like such a fecking looser these days, and it isn’t very nice. I am fat, useless, unmotivated, disgusting, and nobody likes me. This is what I’m “saying” to myself subconsciously. My common sense knows that this isn’t the case like, but that doesn’t help. I can point to certain things that have made me like this, but it isn’t very easy to fix. But I will, because I do know deep inside, that I do deserve it. I am not depressed, really I am not. I am in “Looser Ville” right now, that’s all. I will get the next train out of here.
I love The Far Side...
Monsoon ;-)
3 comments:
Amazing color on that Creative Zen thingumagog! Not exactly barf-green (thankfully), but more like Kermit-green. Absolutely spiffing!
As for the "thing" you did two days ago, the deal you mentioned seems promising. After a few more sessions I believe you'll get it all worked out. :D
Really great to visit you as well! Hope to see ya soon! :D Have a nice day!
Hugs,
Elise
you're the best. glad you treated yourself!! :) Hope you enjoy it!
heehehe glad you've managed to find some of those Far Side 'toons :-)
btw - I'm sure you've heard of / been told about the power of languaging... but rather than saying "i am not depressed" you might want to try repeating to yourself "i am happy/upbeat/[something positive]". Why? because there's this thing about our subconscious latching on the word we use [e.g. depressed"] even though in our mind it's qualified with a "not"... so it's better to focus on what we WANT to be, not what we DON'T want to be.
I'm doing that now with my slow but steady attempt at losing not just weight, but body fat. When I remember, i tell myself a list of about five "affirmations" which include "I am 13% body fat" [currently I am at 36% - a dangerously high level for so many reasons!]. This helps "program" my mind and body to work with me in my weight&fat loss effort.
ok, end of lecture now, teeheehee!
take care!
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