I wonder why life just can’t be easy sometimes. Why can’t it be like a fairytale, just every now and then? If life would treat us to these little wonders once in a while, I think happiness would be easier to find amongst us. These days sadness, grief, despair, loneliness, depression and so on, is more the norm. How tragic is that? Very.
I know happiness isn’t a state of mind, though I wish it was. It’s more short moments where we feel truly happy, and are able to rejoice in the little things. A smile, a kiss, a token of friendship, an “I love you” from someone who means it, a child’s hug, the sight of the sea, laughing, a hand sneaking gently into yours, being appreciated for who you are, told that you are fantastic, a glance that tells you the truth, and intimacy. Ah well, there are tons more. I find it hard, at times, to see the good in the small and often seemingly insignificant things in life.
But I guess there is no option for me but to look onwards and upwards, and keep trying to think positive thoughts. And I do… Watch me go! I want to shine; I want to really be proud of who I am. Like Rachel sings: “Cause deep inside me there is a spark, and when I feel it’s time, I will release it from my heart. Stand back and watch me shine”
For the record; I don’t hate myself, ok… But I have, like any other person, things I want to be different, that’s all…
I am very much aware of one thing I have to do to move on, but right now I can’t do that. So I will have to wait until I am ready, as I am afraid tiny bits of my soul will die then…
(Ok, I know that sounded totally cliché, but frankly I do not care… let me be pathetic if that’s what you think I am, let me be silly and cliché, but let me be me…)
I now feel that’s its time to shut up, and move my writings over to my private journal, as I need some ideas, thoughts and meanings to myself too. And boy have I had things to “talk” about in there. Since last September, when school started, I have written the minuscule amount of 320 pages. And worse; it is in word on my computer, the font is Georgia and the size is 12. That says a lot… *lol* I have had issues! I have had frustrations! I have had moments of pure happiness and joy! I have had pride! I have had satisfaction! And I have had glances…
Of course a lot more too, but these pages holds every truth of the last year, and reading it gives me a weird sensation.
I am in a strange mood today, and I know it's due to the time of the month... Soon period time, and I am always quite odd and a bit angry then...
A quote from "Ellen" - "Oh yes, I work out, religiously actually... I lift weights and say: Oh God that is heavy!!" *lol*
Monsoon :-)
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